[bill704]

Growing up, I'd rarely use any drug, including aspirin, under the assumption that my body's immune system could do a much better job without such nonsense. About 3 years ago I realized I needed drugs to treat my depression and saw my medical doctor, who prescribed a number of meds until settling on Effexor XR.

7 months later I attempted suicide.

Doctors since then haven't been able to settle on a diagnosis for my illness. I've been diagnosed with severe depression, ADD, and most recently "perhaps" bipolar. I am heavily medicated on prescribed drugs, and yet my thoughts of hopelessness and fits of rage prevail. While I won't even consider living without these designer drugs, not in my current state, anyway, there are still symptoms that have yet to see any alleviation. In fact, I lost my stable factory position (which included health care) approximately one year ago due to a manic episode. Since then I haven't been able to find employment and like many others have been tossed aside in the SSD program.

Even with all the prescribed medications I take daily, nothing helps my symptoms better than cannabis. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I never have an appetite--until a little MJ later and I can eat a full meal. If I'm lucky enough to have a baggie around when my unwarranted rage flares up, a puff or two later I'm calm and able to think about 'why the hell am I so mad?' When I'm so depressed suicide feels like the best thing to do, a bowl or two and I'm able to appreciated the things in life I do have.

It wasn't until after my suicide attempt that I started smoking marijuana. Since then I haven't even gotten close to that state, thanks to that smelly green substance.