Friends: hang on to them.
Have you ever woken up and realized that suddenly you are in a position that not only are you not used to, but you have no idea how you got there?
It's happened to me. I woke up today and realized that while I have a lot of online acquaintances, I have no real friends. Not one. Now don't get me wrong! I love all my online friends and it would hurt to lose some of them too but I'm talking about friends I can personally interact with by going places with or hanging out with. Giving a Hug to or shaking hands with. Or even to get or give a pat on the back to.
How did this happen you ask? Well I'm not sure. Ever since my disability happened I haven't been as physically active. I have basically limited my actions to things I can do easily. Not being a drinker or gambler and having a very limited income has made me sort of a home buddy. Until recently I used to be involved in racing. I loved being part of the crew and working on the race car. I spent Thousands of my own dollars and hours of travel to follow the circuit just feel like part of the organization. I stickered up my truck with team logos and decals out of pride.
I thought after 12 years of knowing the driver and 7 years of pitting on his car that I had made a good friend. I liked and got along well with the rest of the crew too. But for some reason, I was wrong. I have no idea why but I have been asked to basically stay away from the race team now. Of course they didn't say..."stay away". It was done in a fashion that bothers me.
I was first told that because of no sponsor that I would have to cover all costs of racing myself if I wanted to be part of the team still. At that same time I was told I would be kept informed and told when the next race was. That was a joke I guess because the team raced in my home town 3 days later and I was never informed one word about them being here. I was informed my brother in law about it 3 days after the race was over. Nice huh?
I was suppose to be in Montana with the race team this weekend too. We as a team had been discussing it for 2 years and everyone was super excited about going. Last week I was informed that the Montana team had been formed and I was not part of that team.
Now you might ask..what did you do to cause all this? I don't know is my answer. It could be that I've just gotten too fat for the driver to want to be around me. It could be that he fears for my safety due to my health. It could be that I was just a extra wheel all along and never truly liked to begin with. It could be a lot of things. Only the team and driver know for sure and I don't feel welcomed enough to even ask why. I'll just get a run around instead.
I'm not a partier. I don't like bars. I'm not a hunter and haven't really fished since I was 16. I have no hobbies nor would I know what hobbies to even try. My disabilities make staying at home easier than anything else so that is what I do.
Then we get to my medical marijuana use. It's not something I advertise and because of it I'm afraid to bring people to my house. Because of my need to medicate once in a while it make hanging out at others houses hard too.
Now I'm sure this is coming off as a woe is me type post and that is not my desire. I don't want a bunch of people feeling sorry for me. I guess I just need to vent. I can only vent to my lady so much before she's tired of hearing it.
So my advice to all...heck...I have no good advice. It's obvious by my position...I'm the last person who should be advising anyone of anything. I will say...if you have a good friend who understands you, keep him. I moved away and lost touch with a good friend like that and I will always regret that.
Thanks for letting me tell my story. I feel better getting it out.
It's happened to me. I woke up today and realized that while I have a lot of online acquaintances, I have no real friends. Not one. Now don't get me wrong! I love all my online friends and it would hurt to lose some of them too but I'm talking about friends I can personally interact with by going places with or hanging out with. Giving a Hug to or shaking hands with. Or even to get or give a pat on the back to.
How did this happen you ask? Well I'm not sure. Ever since my disability happened I haven't been as physically active. I have basically limited my actions to things I can do easily. Not being a drinker or gambler and having a very limited income has made me sort of a home buddy. Until recently I used to be involved in racing. I loved being part of the crew and working on the race car. I spent Thousands of my own dollars and hours of travel to follow the circuit just feel like part of the organization. I stickered up my truck with team logos and decals out of pride.
I thought after 12 years of knowing the driver and 7 years of pitting on his car that I had made a good friend. I liked and got along well with the rest of the crew too. But for some reason, I was wrong. I have no idea why but I have been asked to basically stay away from the race team now. Of course they didn't say..."stay away". It was done in a fashion that bothers me.
I was first told that because of no sponsor that I would have to cover all costs of racing myself if I wanted to be part of the team still. At that same time I was told I would be kept informed and told when the next race was. That was a joke I guess because the team raced in my home town 3 days later and I was never informed one word about them being here. I was informed my brother in law about it 3 days after the race was over. Nice huh?
I was suppose to be in Montana with the race team this weekend too. We as a team had been discussing it for 2 years and everyone was super excited about going. Last week I was informed that the Montana team had been formed and I was not part of that team.
Now you might ask..what did you do to cause all this? I don't know is my answer. It could be that I've just gotten too fat for the driver to want to be around me. It could be that he fears for my safety due to my health. It could be that I was just a extra wheel all along and never truly liked to begin with. It could be a lot of things. Only the team and driver know for sure and I don't feel welcomed enough to even ask why. I'll just get a run around instead.
I'm not a partier. I don't like bars. I'm not a hunter and haven't really fished since I was 16. I have no hobbies nor would I know what hobbies to even try. My disabilities make staying at home easier than anything else so that is what I do.
Then we get to my medical marijuana use. It's not something I advertise and because of it I'm afraid to bring people to my house. Because of my need to medicate once in a while it make hanging out at others houses hard too.
Now I'm sure this is coming off as a woe is me type post and that is not my desire. I don't want a bunch of people feeling sorry for me. I guess I just need to vent. I can only vent to my lady so much before she's tired of hearing it.
So my advice to all...heck...I have no good advice. It's obvious by my position...I'm the last person who should be advising anyone of anything. I will say...if you have a good friend who understands you, keep him. I moved away and lost touch with a good friend like that and I will always regret that.
Thanks for letting me tell my story. I feel better getting it out.
Total Comments 11
Comments
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RACE: you are not alone bro, I too have only online friends oh and except my dispensary owner, he's a good friend. But my disability has some unusual consequences, such as noone can really understand my situation, being in pain all the time, leads to bad attitude most of the time, good thing my wife puts up with it, so she is my best friend. but I can't go out and ride or climb, hike, the way I used to, I hate bars, I hate driving in this GOD FORSAKEN traffic , wholly shit noone here knows how to drive .... So why go out? i see some people who have to have a friend around always to have some sort of Identity... I like my alone time too much.
"LONLINESS IS THE PRICE OF GREATNESS"- Paramahansa YoganandaPosted 07-21-2009 at 01:34 PM by tintala
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Race
I have 2 real friends and countless people that are less than friends. I know what you mean man.
I gotta go catch Star Trek....
PitPosted 07-22-2009 at 05:52 PM by PitViper
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Thank you for the support. it was a little shock to suddenly realize that every friend I have is online only. I used to have tons of friends before we moved to Redding 7 years ago.
Oh well....it helped to get this out. I know I'll adjust and be fine. I'm sure eventually I'll meet and make a friend. if not, well...the internet is only a key board away. Thanks again.Posted 07-23-2009 at 06:37 AM by Racefan
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RACE: I noticed you are in Redding, that's really close to where I used to hang with a guy named Jay BIRD, he makes KIVA AND TENTS on his farm near MEDFORD, I stayed on his farm for awhile practicing music in a teepee. Your like a stones throw from there, I just have fond memories of the place....Posted 07-23-2009 at 01:29 PM by tintala
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I like some friends too, hang out with too. am getting up there. I haven't had friend since highschool. i had some so call friends, but that because we were in the same place, not that we were good for each other. as matter of fact not at all.
you wrote alot of stuff. sorry I just can't mental read it all and get it. my head starts shaking and words don't make sense to me. I kind of know some people but I think they just use me. but they let talk. even tho I don't think they listening. I better stop now.Posted 07-25-2009 at 02:29 AM by maryjaneplz
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Thanks for reading people. Your responses help.Posted 07-27-2009 at 03:44 AM by Racefan
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Hey Racer, thats a tough hand you were dealt by your race team, you deserved a little more respect than they way they went about the change.Posted 07-28-2009 at 04:02 PM by poker shark
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Hey Racefan,
Just read your blog and thought that this situation might interest you. I have heaps of friends like everyone else here in cyber space. Living in Australia, it makes it difficult to meet people as so like minded as we have here on 420Mag. Without the friendships I have made here, I wouldn't be able to talk so much about something I have had to keep as silent pride, growing cannabis.
I moved to a new city 18 months ago, and aside from people at work, who I would rather not socialise with, I dont really have any real friends that I can go over to their place, etc. What we both do have is loving wives and we should be ever so grateful for that, and the people here!
It is all good and keep your chin up!Posted 07-28-2009 at 10:43 PM by DownOver
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Wow Racefan this has been 1 of the deepest blogs i ever read. it almost got me misty eyed. Thankx by the way.
You did give somthing to think about. i been wanting to move to a green friendly state for a long time now. but it would be a big move for me. I love the friends i still have and it would really suck lose them all by moving to Cali.
However i do know people in Portland HmmmPosted 07-29-2009 at 06:38 PM by GimmieGreenie
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That was deep mate.... i feel ya though.... i moved from my home state about 6 years ago coz i didnt like where my life was headed, party drugs and stuff like that, had to get away,left lots of friends behind.... but i often ask myself were they realy my friends???? only intouch with 2 girls out of knowing a lot of people. Since the move havent made many friends either... seems harder to obtain good friends as ya get older i recon..... oh well we have no choice but to suck it up and deal with it my friend.Posted 08-03-2009 at 08:58 AM by Aussiebonger
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hey racefan, i used to have alot of so-called friends but when i think about it they were actually people i knew not true friends. the last time i could really say i had friends was when i was a kid. now my friends are the plants i grow and the anonymous friends i have on here,i'm happy and i like it this way. maybe one day we'll meet since we do have one thing in common. hell, maybe one day we'll all get together and have a smokefest. who needs friends when we have all of us here. peacePosted 09-02-2009 at 02:32 PM by akaman
