TOOKER FLOGS FROZEN DESSERT BUT STILL KEEPS LOSING HIS COOL

Editor’s note: Ouch! The writer of the following article gives Cool Hemp an awful review. I’ve tasted Cool Hemp on only two occasions and would agree that it’s not on par with Ben & Jerry’s or Häagen-Dazs. However, Cool Hemp certainly deserves a better review than this. What do you think?


Tooker Gomberg — politically correct parfait peddler?

The latest foray into shameless self-promotion by the former mayoral candidate and whatever-you-got gadfly came earlier this week when he came to the city hall press gallery to dole out free samples of a new frozen dessert called Cool Hemp.

The non-dairy product — “no cows were tortured for this food” as his news release elegantly puts it — comes from the Ottawa valley in three flavours, is all organic, all kosher and not all that tasty, according to the brave few media types who dug in. ("Chocolate-flavoured rope,” in one gourmand’s estimation.)

Hemp is of course the plain Jane cousin of the more popular marijuana plant (Mary Jane), but Tooker promises that “when the law changes, the recipe will, too.”

We can wait for the new and improved version, thanks.

It wasn’t as though Tooker was trying to keep the media sweet, he just couldn’t give the stuff away to puzzled passers-by as he stood in Nathan Phillips Square.

He has kept up a busy pace these days as he threatens to take on Councillor Chris Korwin-Kuczynski in Ward 14 in the Nov. 10 election (with this space’s hearty endorsement).

Tooker dropped by city hall this week to apply to fill the vacancy in Ward 30 left by former councillor Jack Layton, the new federal NDP leader, and then called the decision by the Toronto East York community council to instead recommend former school trustee Laura Jones a “sham,” saying the fix was in weeks ago (which is sort of true).

The Tookster also found time on Monday to berate the budget committee for its heartlessness, spinelessness and various other metaphorically anatomical shortcomings.

He’s also started his own Web-based television station called TOtv which, not unlike North Korean television, features one glorious leader and operates for but a few hours a week.

It must have all been too much to handle at once since tattling tongues tell us that Gomberg was recently served with an eviction notice for non-payment of rent.

Hold the crocodile tears because our very own City of Toronto has inadvertently come to the rescue.

Tooker successfully sued the city in small claims court for a February, 2001 incident in which he was forcibly removed from city council chambers.

With the $5,742.86 payoff he recently received, Tooker plans to settle up his arrears but intends to go through the rental tribunal exercise for his own edification (and doubtlessly to annoy the Tory-appointed hacks regularly dispensing coliseum-style, thumbs-down justice).

In a bizarre footnote, we hear Tooker grew frustrated that he couldn’t get an appointment to get his driver’s licence renewed from the local transportation ministry office, which drove him (actually he took the train) to the tiny burg of Woodstock.

There, nonplussed Mayor John Geoghegan agreed to lend Tooker his car for the test, though in the end, Gomberg took a pass on the free ride, and never took the test.

“We’re supposed to be a friendly town,” a still baffled Geoghegan replied to our inquiry.

All of which shows that Tooker has more nerve than a toothache, all the evidence needed to realize he¹s eminently qualified to join the ranks of city council.

In a related note, former East York councillor Gord Crann blew his chance to return to political life by blundering his attempt to fill the caretaker position left by Jack Layton.

A total of 43 citizens applied to fill the vacancy, including Crann, who works as constituency assistant to Councillor Michael Tziretas.

Crann should have paid heed to a previous Skinny column in which we noted that city employees — unlike any other city resident — are required to take a leave of absence in order to seek political office.

By putting the cart before the horse — applying for the position before taking the leave — Crann was disqualified and struck from the list of contenders.

We can see why so many were tempted.

City councillors make an annual salary of $82,097 (no longer one-third tax-free), so the caretaker stands to make a cool $65,500 for the remaining eight months of the term.

It also comes with loads of perks, including the ability to spend like a dipsomaniacal mariner, to berate city bureaucrats and to make long, annoying speeches during city council debates.


Hemp product keeps gadfly busy Crann’s day job ruins big plans
Bruce Demara, Toronto Star
Provided by: www.globalhemp.com