Hi everyone. I just found this forum and must say the community seems very organised and willing to help each other. I'm speaking from Brazil.
I need help convincing my wife to smoke with me or either to let me smoke.
Here's background: I'm 26, she's 31. We married about 1 year and a half ago, I didn't smoke back then and was always uptight. I have always drank socially, she knows that and has no restrictions towards that.
I began smoking about 1 year ago. Kept it a secret for about 6 months, but then decided to tell her because I couldn't bear to lie anymore. Smoking was losing its charm because I always felt I was doing something wrong.
So I told her. All of it. She took it badly and we nearly divorced, it was a matter of choosing the greens vs my wife. Back then, I thought: "I'll have my entire life to pick up smoking again, but I won't get a second chance with her if we split". I remain married, haven't smoked ever since, but deeply desire to.
However, what's been getting on my nerves is her inflexibility back then. Her inability to consider my experience and the judgmental view on it, regardless of whatever I'd say. I've tried every now and then to get back on the subject, but she get as resentful as a woman can be (that's a lot), and her mind remains shut on the subject.
I feel that if she smokes, then she'll be much more light-hearted and serene, more tolerant and flexible in all aspects of life. I really feel she needs that. But she won't bulge.
I need help getting around this. I would love to pick it up again, but doing so secretly breaks half the fun. I need her to see things from my perspective, but I can't see how to manage that unless she smokes.
She says it's a pitiful basis to build a family upon. That she won't raise an addicted adult, an irresponsible man, and so and so.
Any comment is welcome, thanks for hearing.
I need help convincing my wife to smoke with me or either to let me smoke.
Here's background: I'm 26, she's 31. We married about 1 year and a half ago, I didn't smoke back then and was always uptight. I have always drank socially, she knows that and has no restrictions towards that.
I began smoking about 1 year ago. Kept it a secret for about 6 months, but then decided to tell her because I couldn't bear to lie anymore. Smoking was losing its charm because I always felt I was doing something wrong.
So I told her. All of it. She took it badly and we nearly divorced, it was a matter of choosing the greens vs my wife. Back then, I thought: "I'll have my entire life to pick up smoking again, but I won't get a second chance with her if we split". I remain married, haven't smoked ever since, but deeply desire to.
However, what's been getting on my nerves is her inflexibility back then. Her inability to consider my experience and the judgmental view on it, regardless of whatever I'd say. I've tried every now and then to get back on the subject, but she get as resentful as a woman can be (that's a lot), and her mind remains shut on the subject.
I feel that if she smokes, then she'll be much more light-hearted and serene, more tolerant and flexible in all aspects of life. I really feel she needs that. But she won't bulge.
I need help getting around this. I would love to pick it up again, but doing so secretly breaks half the fun. I need her to see things from my perspective, but I can't see how to manage that unless she smokes.
She says it's a pitiful basis to build a family upon. That she won't raise an addicted adult, an irresponsible man, and so and so.
Any comment is welcome, thanks for hearing.
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