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Airport INSANITY!

Thepurplem0nkey

New Member
So I went to San Francisco last weekend for vacation, and I witnessed some of the most bizarre, paranoid, and retarded activities tax money could buy. Arriving at LAX, I was instructed to take my shoes off, put all of my liquids into a plastic bag (not provided), and of course since I am disabled and look "strange", I was "randomly" selected for a search (just as I ALWAYS am, and I've noticed, everyone else with a disability). None of that bothered me, although I was aggravated that so many incompetent boobs would be paid tax payer money to basically fulfill the function of slowing down air travel and boosting profits of the shops/stores in the airport. Aparantly, their seald evian water bottles are more trustworthy than a sealed evian bottle bought outside the airport. Anyway LAX wasn't too bad. It was returning home from SFO where the real aggravation occurred.
So walking through security at SFO, my girlfriend was stopped. Her perfume bottles, face cream, and toothpaste were confiscated. The reason? They were not in a quart sized zip lock bag. The items were, in fact, in a completely clear bag the SAME SIZE as the zip lock....except it zippered shut, it didnt zip lock shut. This was good enoughy for LAX secutrity, but aparntly, Zip locks are magic, and so her make up bag, which was the same dimensions and opaquness as your regular zip lock, was unacceptable to SFO homeland security. My girlfriend was furious and began arguing with the person who said unless it was in a zip lock bag, she could not have the expensive items. SO, being the brilliant man that I am...I bent down, opened my zip lock bag with all my liquid crap in it, EMPTIED THE CRAP INTO MY LUGGAGE, and handed my girlfriend my plastic bag. "Here you go" I said....the security looked at my now empty zip lock bag, said "Oh, there you go" and gave her back most of her shit, to put into the now empty bag.
It was then that the stupidity of this whole situation hit me. In order to bring perfume, toothpaste, or anything on a plane...it needs to be put inside of a zip lock bag. It doesn't matter if it is removed after you bypass security, it doesn't matter what's actualyn IN the bottles. This magic zip lock bag will DE-TERRORIZE any potential terrorizing items. It doesn't matter if, say, you remove your shit from the bags right in front of security....AS LONG AS IT IS IN A BAG FOR A FEW SECONDS! It doesn't matter that my individual liquid items could have been explosive compounds and compiled in a bathroom after I got past security to make a potent explosive. It doesn't matter that with a 3 ounce maximum liquid allowance (what's the logic behind 3 ounces??? I know a few liquids that will demolish the first floor of a building with less than 3 ounces. WHy is 4 ounces more dangerous than three ounces? Who makes this shit up?????), my 4 buddies could meet up with me, after we pass the magic zip lock line, to combine all of our 3 ounces to make significantly more explosive liquid.
I also got to thinking why it is that we, as the public, are agreeing to this bullshit in the first place. I mean, basically you are agreeing to be treated like SHIT (and anyone who has been accosted at the airport or had to talk to ANYONE working at the airport or anyone who feels they have been mistreated or descriminated against and is seeking recourse knows what I mean), to be treated as a distrustful criminal instead of a paying customer, to WILLINGLY give up our protection from unwaranted search and seizure (And having toothpaste is NOT criminal, thus not waranting search and seizure. X-ray and bomb dogs are not intrusive and don't need to "search" or "seize" to detect bombs....so yes, you do willingly give up your civil rights...and if you refuse, than your civil right to travel, within your own country, unobstructed, is removed as well. Dwell on THAT) and finally to willingly give up our toothpaste, perfume, cologne, water, FOR NO FUCKING REASON WHATSOEVER. I mumbled this to my girlfriend; I asked "Why the fuck do we have to do this??" She responded "Well, because people tried to blow up a plane". Then it hit me, and I challenge anyone of you to answer these, factualy (IE Guessing the answers is not factual information but simply guesswork) right now, without doing research on the net....
1. Who, exactly, tried to blow up a plane? What were their names? Ages?
2. How many people were there?
3. Where, exactly, did this occur?
4. What, if any, group claimed responsibility?
5. What were the race, origin of birth, and genders of the person/people who tried to blow up the plane?
6. Where are those people now?
7. What court of law has demonstrated concrete evidence proving, beyond a reasonable doubt, the guilt of said liquid bombers? Specific court cases, rulings, findings?

I realized that, on the spot, I could only claim that sometime in the past I saw a news report alleging that a group of people tried to blow up planes using liquids in the United Kingdom. THAT'S ALL I KNOW. This is coming from the same fucks that lied about WMD's in Iraq, who lie daily about medical marijuana and marijuana in general, and who were responsible for FEMA's response to Katrina. It really bothers me that so many are so willing to be abused by airport staff/security yet know so little as to the reason, IF ANY, why it is we are doing this in the first place. Remember the media blitz a few years ago about the terrorist group that was going to blow up the Sears Tower alongisde Al Queda? When reporters actualy began investigating the story, it was learned that the people being charged where homeless, and to make matters worse, christian, and not islamist fudamentalists. The story has since been burried. The same has happened with the liquids story. I know NO solid facts, I have seen NO solid information. Only vauge news reports.
I am NOT SAYING that no threat exists. What I am saying is, that, if there is a threat (and I won't believe it until 90% of the answers above are answered, with evidence), the airports and government have royaly fucked up in their response. Instead of going after criminal's intent on harming others by hijacking or blowing up a plane, they have clumped everyone into that criminal category. Instead of taking a senesabal, rational approach, such as investing heavily in, oh I don't know, an army of bomb sniffing dogs and bomb detection equipment, they have invested in hordes of security and baggae check positions, positions of power over a traveling public, for people who don't even need to have a GED. They've spent money on baskets, security to oversee the baskets, personnel to throw perfectly harmless liquids, like the brand new tooth paste my girlfriend bought that was thrown straight into the GARBAGE (Yes, what a fucking waste...not only are all your possessions, including sealed drinks and items, TAKEN from you...but they don't even go to serve the homeless or those in need. THEY GO INTO THE TRASH!!!), and have caused delays and stress on all travelers, especially the elderly who have to take off their shoes. THIS IS INSANTIY! THIS IS PARANOIA!!! I am ALL FOR safety at airports, I am not naive that there are people in this world, AS THERE HAS A L W A Y S been and A L W A Y S will be, who wish to do us harm. I just feel the current response is completely ridiculous and ineffective. Id fly, ANY DAY, on an airplane where luggage has been scanned with a bomb machine and sniffed by a bomb dog INSTEAD of the "magic zip lock bag" approach. Am I the last sane person on this planet??? Does anyone else here see the futility and insanity of the current security measures at airports? Is anyone else pissed off that you personal possessions, such as lipstick, water, hair gel, and toothpaste are taken from you, without provocation and without reasons, and thrown into the trash? I keep hearing this bullshit excuse that we must do this for the safety of others, but how is safety improved by placing my liquids into a zip lock bag? How does that improve safety IN THE LEAST? They should fire, immediately, the extra staff they hire to man these ridicules security checks and hire ONE bomb dog. Eliminate this absurd "3 ounces only" rule. Who came up with that measurement? Why is 3 ounces less dangerous than 4 ounces? What is the logic behind that when the guy behind you, and the guy behind him, could all be working in collaboration thus giving you 9 ounces of liquid once you pass the screener and remove your items from the magic ziplock bag? I am at the height of frustration here. I am ALL FOR beefing up security at the airports.....I just don't see that happening. Putting liquids in bags improves N O T H I N G. I feel LESS SAFE, now that I have seen the security implementations at the airport, then I did right aftrer 9/11. To those that have family members as pilots, flight atendants, and what not; how do you feel about this? Would you rather have one bomb dog sniffing people/luggage before boarding a plane with your relatives on it, or 10 screeners who watch liquids (but don't chemicaly analyse it or even open them) in a clear bag pass on the screener, a bag that can be opened mere seconds after passing through security? As a traveler, I'll take the one dog over uneducated bozos running around like their heads are cut off ANY DAY. Short of tossing tooth paste and perfume into a trash bin (And heres some food for thought...lets say that the tooth paste and perfume ARE explosive....is tossing it in a tash bin near a massive line of people, all of whom must wait in line to even get into the main part of the airport, the smartest thing in the world to do?????), these people do absolutely NOTHING for our safety and are completely wasteful in their actions of tossing sealed goods.
-PM
 

Haha420

New Member
God that sounds retarded!! the things we do for the illusion of safety...
 

HighToGetBy

New Member
sorry purplemonkey i have to disagree with you. Because in case you didnt know zip lock bags are all built with 25% more fairy dust then the leading brands (look it up I dare you). And as for the 3 ounces well 3 is G.W's lucky number so we just like to keep it at that
 

Pinch

New Member
Mr PM..

Glad to hear you enjoyed the Bay Area.

-Pinch
 

Thepurplem0nkey

New Member
HighToGetBy: LMAO! I stand corrected; 25% MORE fairy dust in the leading brand ;-)
InYourEndo: LMAO, yes when I go off...I GO OFF! I too am glad I'm not alone in my frustration. Seriousley, sometimes I think I'm the only one with HALF a brain left! It's nice hear from other people who see what's going on.

Pinch: I LOVE the Bay Area. I really got to know the public transportation system this time. It's GREAT! I took the busses to the municiple trains, and the Muni trains to the Bart. Visited Berkley on the Bart :) I wanted to take the trolley cars, but at 5 bucks for a one way trip, thats too much of a rip off.
Pinch, you HAVE to check out "THe VinoVenue". It's located on Third and Market, right in the middle of the Financial District. Bascialy, you pirhcase cards worth 10, 20, or 50 bucks. You use the cards at "wine stations" Each wine station has about 10 bottles of wine hooked up to the machine. You insert your card, select the wine you wish to try, and it dispenses it into your glass! Each wine taste was about 1 or 2 bucks. The most ex[pensive one was 5 bucks. With 20 bucks, I had some awesome wine from all over the world, about 10-15 glasses worth, and I was stumbling out the door qwhen I left :) Yes, I know, technicaly you're supposed to "taste" the wine, not drink it...but hey....why waste some good stuff??? LOL. Anyway, if you like wine and dont want to drive an hour or more up north, Pinch, ya gotta try this place.
Anyway, thanks for reading my post. I was really just venting the pent up frsutration, and I am genunily concerned that security has not progressed, but in my view, DEgressed. I belive I was more troubled at the total lack of security (IE: Bomb dogs, highn tech bomb equipment) than I was at the poor treatment. THe sad fact is, there are people ready and willing to harm themselves to harm others. The security measures in place at the airport make no sense, are not effectiev in the least, and are an absolute waste of resources. I can complain till I have no voice to the TSA and airport authorities. I have NO recourse and those people dont give two shits what I think :-(
Oh, and I forgot to mention..........during the trip back, I had a fat sack of Bay Area medicine, about 1/4, ...nestled right underneath my BALLS :p I know, as a patient I can legaly traevl with my medicine on flights....but just because I CAN doesnt mean I wont get stopped, hasstled, delayed and interrogated by every law enforcement agent in the vacinity as soon as my bag is discovered to have medicinal pot inside. But anyway, imagine if I had had some C4 or some other explosives (yikes my poor balls if it goes off!!) tucked under there. WHile Gomer Pyle is asserting his masculinity and tossing my dangerous looking half empty tube of Crest into the trash, I could have bombs under my balls. The money that would have gone to the bomb dog, who could detect my explosive testes, is isntead going to pay Gomer Pyles morgage, so he can effectivly rid the world of half used tooth paste recepticals. Funny imagry (or disturbing, depending on who you are), but an effective point. CUrrent security measures are an absolute joke and do NOT provide security, but rather a nice paying job for people who get paid to throw shit away and be ass holes to paying customersbecause...THEY CAN BE.
-PM
 

DaHui

New Member
Hey, I travelled to LAX the morning after the liquid bomb attemps in August in London. It had happened a couple hours earlier over there. It was code red at the airport. We got there 2 hours early and barely made it on time to catch the plane.. Jus tlike you we had to take our shoes off and empty out all carry on shit. Now they accept you put it in ziplocks, the day after they sure didnt. I didnt have anything valuable in my carry on, they confiscated a 2$ lipbalm I forgot I had in a pocket (they saw it in the xray machine). But my sister, who was travelling with me had her expensive perfum confiscated (Vera Wang) and her Ogilvy lipbaum (like 35$) as well as most of her makeup... It was never written anywhere before we past the security that all of that was considered liquid. They only told us to throw out bottles. Never mentionned anything about lipbaums, perfums, creams, lipstick, toothpaste and what not. Bullshit if you ask me. Anyways, the following week when I came back things we better, but still, lotsa security at the airport..
 

Keith Lake

420 Emeritus
420 Staff
i love when purplemonkey goes off.. it always makes me feel better that someone else realizes how insane this country is. im glad someone can articulate it as well as you do PM. i agree with you 100 percent, smart move saving your girls stuff too, bet that won you some brownie points.

peace and sanity for all!!!!!

Endo

If I'm screening at the airport, and some monkey tries to get through security amongst the people, and I notice the freakin thing is purple...

Then I know I'm smokin too much

Maybe I missed the point :)
 

Pinch

New Member
Mr PM-

The VinoVenue.. read about last year when it opened.. thanks for the reminder.
I will go visit. Only about 35 minutes by car for me. You were in Berkeley? And you didn't let me know? Next time let me know.. I'll treat you to dinner. :3: :peace:
 

hossua34

New Member
Wait does it have to be a ZIPLOC brand bag, or can it be any generic sandwhich baggie that "zips" closed? Because if it has to be Ziploc that's some corporate conspiracy shit right there...
 

bigfanofpj

New Member
^^ Hey, maybe Richard Reid contracted for Ziploc, lmao...

PM, you hit the nail on the head. Our government has a long, painful history of chasing its shadow instead of chasing the enemy. Since the shoe restrictions have been put in place, how many explosives have been found. I'm thinking ZERO. How many shoes have been scanned? A billion by now? Even a rat learns after a while... another example of monumental waste
 

Happy Kitty

Well-Known Member
Airline security is handled differently in each airport, and that is part of the problem. I've got some real horror stories myself. I wear tennis shoes when I fly these days. Everytime I wore heels I had to take them off and have them inspected. I mean, someone could hide a bomb in the heel! Wouldn't it be easier to hide a bomb in a pair of tennis shoes?

SFO security has been under controversy lately. The contractor handling security was pocketing the money he was supposed to be spending on background checks for employees. You'd think they'd be more interested in that problem than what's in your ziplock bag.

At the airport in our area, security inside is tight. Big Deal!!!!! You can easily make your way to the tarmack through several unlocked gates.

Makes ya feel safe, huh?

Peace and happiness
 

CookieMan

Passionado
Yeah, its a bunch of horse shit. But we do have a complete idiot running our country so that might have something to do with it. As far as the 3 ounce rule, well perhaps with 3.1 ounces of perfume you can start a devastating fire inside a plane. Also is that 3 ounces of liquid per person or per bottle? If its per bottle then whats the damn point if i can take 100 1 ounce perfume samples in my carry on bag with me? Pletny of alcohol to start a good fire in there, don't even need to bomb the plane if you burn the whole damn thing down. There are massive holes in airport security and there always have been.

On a side note i was coming home form crabbing in alaska and was flying out of petersburg airport, tiny town with a tiny airport with 2 small flights a day. I purchased a pewter jauger shot glass and it was stuffed in my pack with a bunch of cords for my phone, mp3 player, etc. And my pack was PACKED with stuff. So it goes through the x-ray machine and the tech looking at the moniter nervously calls her supervisor over. He looks at it and is like good call, calls me aside and asks to search my bag. Btw i almost forgot to toss the empty bag of pot and dumped it in the trash can before going through security. I tell him he can serach it if he closes it back up again and resisted the temptation to warn him to be carefull cause it might explode since it was packed so tight. Well his hands are shaking like no other and he very carefully unzips the bag fully expecing to find a live bomb. He very gingerly poked his fingers through the wires and then found the shotglass and pulls it out and holds it up laughing with relief and shows the screener. I think the old man nearly shit his pants that day.

Help airport security, fly naked.
 

Thepurplem0nkey

New Member
Cookieman, I believe it is 3 ounces of any individual item.So you can have 3 containers of the same hair gel, so long as each individual container does not exceed 3 ounces. And yes, that fact alone demonstrates the stupididty of the rule itself. In fact, on the flight home, a few minutes before my girlfriends incident, I witnessed a mother, traveling with a baby, who had about 6 bottles of breast milk in her diaper bag. It was looked at but she was allowed on. I guess breast milk is less explosive than crest tooth paste. Huh. You learn something new every day!
-PM
 

J842P

New Member
I am of the philosophy that the government reflects the wishes of the people.
Basically, if they hadn't done anything, then people would start talking about how not enough is being done. Remeber, a democracy is about being re-elected.
 

bigfanofpj

New Member
I am of the philosophy that the government reflects the wishes of the people.
Basically, if they hadn't done anything, then people would start talking about how not enough is being done. Remeber, a democracy is about being re-elected.

I agree with that. The people wanted something done, the gov is just doing the wrong thing... And I know it's impossible to please all the people all the time, but just working to look busy - collecting liquids - is a waste
 

Brett2theMax

New Member
I think the increased airport security post 9/11 is a pile of shit, 9/11 was an isolated incident that is unlikely to happen again, and if they really want to hijack planes they will figure out how to get around airport security. Probably put switch blades in plastic zip locks.
 

ShadyLady

New Member
Last August when I went to Amsterdam I had similar treatment to this!
when we got to the airport they took all our cigs and lightrs off us, but we could re-purchase all of it through the other side of check in!, We had all got to go to the shops two days before we left to buy new luggage as the luggage restrictions at the time were set to everyone having luggage that wasn't in a clear holder would be refused, all liquids, including baby formula were being refused, the exception of the baby formula which you had to drink it before they would let you take it, all other liquids were banned!
Hand luggage had to be in a clear bag and the only thing you were allowed in it was your documents and your money, after it had been searched and x-ray'd. before you were allowed to check in you had to remove your shoes, belt, jewelry (rings, watches,neclaces, every item of jewelry) and have them checked and x-ray'd, you had to take off your socks so they could check the soles of your feet!
All that to board our flight to Amsterdam... what a downer, I can tell you!

On the way home I got pulled by customs in Schipol airport, and I went through the bag search, removing shoes & belts, answering their few questions. Within a few minutes I was away and waiting to board my flight!

When I got Leeds/Bradford Airport the nightmare day began again!
I was walking through the tunnel to depart when I turned around and said to my bloke, wtf are you doing, come on *** will be waiting for us, I can't see him so he must be at the other side, just as I'd told himto get a move on a customs officer points to me and say's if your with him your coming in here, So I turns back up the tunnel and goes to the holding room, as I walk through the door I see's our mate *** stood there getting all his stuff searched, my bloke who's a little delerious at this point coz he's just woken up on the plane, I gets shown to a small table, where a short fat woman is stood there, tutting and moaning about her shift never seems to end and I get a little feeling that this is the really bad time forme to have to go through this!
She gets a hold of my bag and tells me to place my hands on the table so she can see them and she opens the bag, tips it on to the table and then calls over the arsehole that took me there in the first place and the pair of them start going through my bag! There's my belt which I just couldn't be bothered puttingit back on at schipol she pulls out my tampax and starts opening them to check in side, she takes the cig's out of their packet and puts all of them in but one, she takes this in to the room behind her, tested it and then brought it back un smokeable she gets this small box out from under the desk and starts wiping these swabs, all over my skin, underwear, everywhere, boy was that degrading. She asks why I have a packet of rolling papers in my bag... my smart arse reply" Coz I smoke!!!"
I start to get really pissed off with the swab testing she's doing as neither of the other two were having it done, the others were horrified at the way I was being treated!
They let me move my hands, only because they want to check the seams of my jacket! and three great big cop's with automatic machine guns walk through the door, so I'm getting really pissed off coz she's acting like god and I find my self saying, WTF are these here for!
One of the coppers pipes up, well you could be a terrorist, I say do I look like a terrorist??? He says I dunno
then I'm hoping that my bloke don't say anything stupid!
The customs woman starts grilling me again, this time about why my belt isn't on my person, where how long and why I've been, what did I do whilst I was there, how many times I've been I'm really pissed off at this point and the gob start's " I've just got off a flight from Amsterdam, you're asking me loads of stupid questions, you've ripped up one of my cigs and opened all of my tampax,took swabs from my neck, breasts, underwear, clothes, ect. I've had to suffer the same kinda shit in Schipol and now I'm suffering again, why, because silly bollox here has just woken up and he's delerious, (I continue) I have three brick shit houses stood behind me waiting for a chance to pull their trigger, of course I'm fucking fine, in fact I'm absolutely over the fucking moon, I only went there for a holiday and if this is the shit I have to endure to go, I won't fucking do it again... with that she says to all three of us, thankyou you can go now!!!
 

Philosopher

New Member
I'm begining to think that airport security, in the U.S., at least, is no longer about safty. It seems more and more to be about discouraging travel. The powers that be want people to stay where they're put.
 
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