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Any stand-up fans out there?

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Any stand-up fans out there? Who are your favorites? New guys/girls with promising futures?
Here are some names of people I like with some samples (warning: I might've massacred some of the jokes):
-Doug Stanhope: "I'm sick and tired of these people coming to our country and taking and taking without giving anything back. You know who I'm talking about.... Yes! Babies!"
-Mitch Hedberg: "I bought an antfarm and those fuckers didn't grow shit"
-Kyle Kinane: "Why is it if I insist on getting my dog from an animal shelter I'm a hero but if I insist on getting my girlfriend from a woman's shelter... OK... you get it"
-George Carlin: "You don't need to shower every day. Just clean the 4 basic areas: ass, crotch, armpits and teeth. And you'll save time if you use the same brush on all 4"
-Bill Hicks: "I don't get why people love the weather in LA so much. Warm and sunny every day. What are you? A lizard?"

Names I can't remember quick bits from but still rule:
Joe Rogan
Dan Soder
Jim Norton
Bill Burr
Paul F Tompkins
Pete Holmes
Patrice O'Neal

I'm definetly missing a bunch, but you know... bad memory...
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only on netflix these days.

just watched Chris D'elia and Tom Segura recently, they were pretty good.

some of the ones on netflix are really bad tho, like off in the first 2 minutes bad.

i find aziz ansari pretty funny too but it took a couple times watching to warm up to him, his netflix series, master of none, is pretty good.

edit to add: Joe Rogan is hilarious, and also the man at the same time.
My neighbor and I were talking about random issues one night right after I had smoked some of somas SOMARI, (my neighbors are white,which is irrelevant to this story or is it?)we some how got to the subject of Chips,not potato chips,but micro chips,that will soon be mandatory in some states,meaning every citizen will be required to have a chip,or you will be arrested or worse,now before I say what I'm about to say please keep in mind I was extremely medicated thanks soma lol,, and that I love everybody who loves themselves,,ok, I said all the little white children across America will have chips that can be injected with a needle very pain free,and easy,mean while across town,the minorities chips will look like this,and I reached down and grabbed one of my 7 liter plastic pots and placed it right on my arm where a person would draw blood from,,and I said now picture the Skin on your arm completely stretched all the way around the plastic pot,the laugh and look that came out of my neighbors mouth was priceless, the reason I had to share this story,,once again this is all in good humor I don't know where those words came from thay just came out,i blame it on SOMA..lol.HAPPY GROWING..


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My 5-star list:
Dave Chappelle
Norm MacDonald (severely underrated)
Patrice O'neal
Eddie Murphy
John Pinette
Bernie Mac
Jimmy Carr
Jerrod Carmichael
Felipe Esparza
Kevin Hart
Tom Segura
Trevor Noah
Amy Schumer
Chris Rock
Mitch Hedberg
Nathan Fielder(Nathan for You) - I know he's not a stand-up comic but he's funny as fuck. That show is gold.

Carlin was overrated to me.
Jim Norton is just plain ass. I don't get how people find him funny.
Ansari is pretty weak as well.
Keep in mind comedy is subjective, so don't get too butt hurt. Just my opinion.