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Bipolar Disorder by Anonymous

Julie Gardener

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Bipolar Disorder by Anonymous​

Hello. I am a 27 year old black female living in California. I was first diagnosed with major depression/ bipolar disorder in my freshman year of college, after 10 years of wondering if I was just going nuts. My mother and my upbringing with her and her depression seemed to obviously be at the root of all of my issues. She suffers from it and has to this day never admitted to being depressed. I come from a household of violence and sadness and by the time I reached college, I was swimming in a pool of despair. And I had become a full blown bulimic. The only thing this drug did for me was eliminate my appetite for 17 days straight. I passed out from malnutrition on the 18th day of no food in my system. Then I moved on to Prozac, then Desyrel for insomnia. Then I was on Depakote, lithium, Wellbutrin. Jesus, the doctors were doping me up! I felt so catatonic on the meds they gave me that I wasn't showering or leaving my dorm room (I was a resident assistant at the time on campus). I stopped going to class, the whole nine. I had become an emotional zombie.

When I turned 21, my brother introduced me to pot for my birthday. It was my first memory of feeling okay in about 10 years! But, being such a new pot smoker, I didn't know where I could get more or how much it would cost me...and I knew it was illegal...and I was a "good girl" or at least I was trying to be. That was it for the pot for a couple of years.

I finally had a nervous breakdown and was admitted to a hospital for attempting suicide. There I was doped up a bit more on higher dosages of what I had already tried in the past. It still wasn't working for me. I left the hospital in search of myself still.

Now that I am a little older I have a slightly larger income and can afford a regular amount of pot. I smoke about a quarter to a half ounce of weed weekly. No, it ain't cheap, but I am willing to spend that much to save my life. With marijuana I am able to face work, people, situations, LIFE!!!! With traditional meds, I just wanted to fade away.

My appetite is healthy, my outlook on life is healthy, my friendships are healthy. I no longer wish that I was dead because I feel like such a burden. I can handle my own problems, whether they be financial or otherwise, and I want to live a long and prosperous life.

I will pass this valuable secret on to my future kids in hopes that they can carry the fight for decriminalization/ legalization so that people just like me all over this country can live their lives without wondering if they will be arrested for trying to feel better and function.

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Re: 420 Magazine - Reply to Topic

The next time I learn a weblog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as a lot as this one. I imply, I know it was my option to read, but I actually thought youd have one thing attention-grabbing to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about one thing that you possibly can repair in the event you werent too busy on the lookout for attention.

Go back to school, learn how to read/write, acquire some compassion but in the meantime STFU and go back to lurking.

I found the above to be very humbling and I have a couple of friends who suffer from the same disorder and plan on passing it on to them.

My father died recently from a disease that I believe could of been helped by smoking marijuana or at least he would of suffered less. When he died he weighed all of about 80lbs, he didnt look anything like my father who once played professional soccer in France and had always been athletic. He wasted away because the doctors kept him on morphine which I kept telling Mom and the doctors it was suppressing his appetite. The doctors and nurses disagreed with me. After my father died mom told me he had jokingly asked her to have me get him some pot........I dont think he was joking at all. Unfortunately my father was always dead against smoking pot and had never tried it.
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