MustardTiger
New Member
Hello everyone!
Very excited to find this forum and all the people here. It is cool to find a place where like-minded people can ping ideas and info off each other. Looking forward to seeing what this community has to say!
I am a little apprehensive about opening myself up about my cannabis lifestyle online. Maybe that's not entirely bad. I'm a pothead, I get paranoid. It happens... However, I really want to be able to be part of something. I recently had an epiphany and decided to take the plunge and become a indoor gardener.
My epiphany... At this point in this country (USA), the political spectrum is by far the most corrupt and degenerate bunch of sycophants I think we will ever see. Point is, they are doing some really bad shit. They get away with it meanwhile I can't go to the store without watching over my shoulder in fear of a Police officer. There is something empirically wrong with this. I am tired of living in fear of these people and if the worst thing I can do is grow an all-natural, non-harmful, non-fatal, effective and wonderful medicine, then paint me green.
I do use cannabis as medicine. I started smoking around 12 and right after graduating HS I really started being a daily smoker. Back then I knew I was using this flower as a way for treating my anxiety and deepening depression. I am 35 now, and have been through a lot, as many have. I strongly believe without this miracle plant I would not be able to funktion. Well, not very happily, if anything. I don't think it is addiction, but after 15+ years of smoking, it is difficult to go without a daily puff.
Recently I have been going through some shit. I was married for 5 years to a woman I was with for 4 years prior. She recently threw me out and is divorcing me in Dec. It was a complete blindside, did not see or feel it coming and has left me crippled with depression, anger, and extreme sadness. To top this off I am unemployed and severely injured. I have chest injury that is debilitating and some days I cannot breathe in deep, lay down to sleep, put my socks on, or sit on the toilet without screaming. I could not be in any worse physical condition. Same went for my mental state. So, suffice it to say, I became suicidal and really hit a low I've never seen before. I was hanging by a thread and needed help.
I went to the doctor to try to get some help and what I received was a bill and nothing much more. I truly broke down and looked these people in the eyes, reaching out for help and got next to nothing in return. I'm sitting there barely able to breathe and this "doctor" denied me any pain medication. I got a referral to a pain management clinic and after hours of waiting, this pain doctor denies me even a 5mg Vicodin for my chest. Guess why... He tells me, I kid you not, I was denied painkillers because Prince recently died with 8000 Percocet's in his closet and the DEA & CDC were cracking down on new patients. Pretty much you must have Cancer or Aids to get painkillers now. I nearly lost it there, but as I have an injury I couldn't so I just laughed at him and asked if he was serious... He was. How can someone sit across from someone who is visibly having a hard time even breathing, let alone the crippling depression from losing everything, including my dog (not kidding, I lost my doggy), and deny them any form of relief? It is completely asinine to me and degrading and terrifying. Am I so low on the "totem pole" of humanity that even someone sworn to the Hippocratic Oath would deny me help?
The doctor was not hesitant to prescribe me anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs however. It was not hard to get those. I thought I needed them and overall, I didn't. I took them for a couple of months and it just left me feeling sheepish and stupid. I guess I would rather have the depression and try to wade through that than be a drone with no soul. No brain wave. No thoughts. It's not for me. My brain is a sponge, constantly sucking in knowledge. I don't need that cloud over my vision. I am no longer on any pills and I know What I must do. Grow.
Grow personally and metaphorically via these beautiful ladies. Start over with no fear. I have been re planted, sprouted anew with a different view on life. I have known deep down inside that this is truly what I want to do with my life for some time. I cannot find anything that offers me the same satisfaction as becoming a cannabis cultivator. I feel this connection that I cannot explain. It's something wonderful to see this process. I'm only 4 weeks into flowering and I am excited every day to see what is new.
I plan to start a grow journal. I think it is important to share your experience and perhaps help others while gaining knowledge from the community. I am apprehensive about putting this online, as I said before. I've never really posted anything on forums and I am uncertain of the policy. I have pictures and worry somehow, they would not be safe to post online. Is there anyone that has this same feeling or is there anyone out there that could calm my nerves? I'm really excited to share my experience and need to be reassured that I will not be incriminating myself online.
Well, there ya go. My story currently. I'm glad to be here!
Very excited to find this forum and all the people here. It is cool to find a place where like-minded people can ping ideas and info off each other. Looking forward to seeing what this community has to say!
I am a little apprehensive about opening myself up about my cannabis lifestyle online. Maybe that's not entirely bad. I'm a pothead, I get paranoid. It happens... However, I really want to be able to be part of something. I recently had an epiphany and decided to take the plunge and become a indoor gardener.
My epiphany... At this point in this country (USA), the political spectrum is by far the most corrupt and degenerate bunch of sycophants I think we will ever see. Point is, they are doing some really bad shit. They get away with it meanwhile I can't go to the store without watching over my shoulder in fear of a Police officer. There is something empirically wrong with this. I am tired of living in fear of these people and if the worst thing I can do is grow an all-natural, non-harmful, non-fatal, effective and wonderful medicine, then paint me green.
I do use cannabis as medicine. I started smoking around 12 and right after graduating HS I really started being a daily smoker. Back then I knew I was using this flower as a way for treating my anxiety and deepening depression. I am 35 now, and have been through a lot, as many have. I strongly believe without this miracle plant I would not be able to funktion. Well, not very happily, if anything. I don't think it is addiction, but after 15+ years of smoking, it is difficult to go without a daily puff.
Recently I have been going through some shit. I was married for 5 years to a woman I was with for 4 years prior. She recently threw me out and is divorcing me in Dec. It was a complete blindside, did not see or feel it coming and has left me crippled with depression, anger, and extreme sadness. To top this off I am unemployed and severely injured. I have chest injury that is debilitating and some days I cannot breathe in deep, lay down to sleep, put my socks on, or sit on the toilet without screaming. I could not be in any worse physical condition. Same went for my mental state. So, suffice it to say, I became suicidal and really hit a low I've never seen before. I was hanging by a thread and needed help.
I went to the doctor to try to get some help and what I received was a bill and nothing much more. I truly broke down and looked these people in the eyes, reaching out for help and got next to nothing in return. I'm sitting there barely able to breathe and this "doctor" denied me any pain medication. I got a referral to a pain management clinic and after hours of waiting, this pain doctor denies me even a 5mg Vicodin for my chest. Guess why... He tells me, I kid you not, I was denied painkillers because Prince recently died with 8000 Percocet's in his closet and the DEA & CDC were cracking down on new patients. Pretty much you must have Cancer or Aids to get painkillers now. I nearly lost it there, but as I have an injury I couldn't so I just laughed at him and asked if he was serious... He was. How can someone sit across from someone who is visibly having a hard time even breathing, let alone the crippling depression from losing everything, including my dog (not kidding, I lost my doggy), and deny them any form of relief? It is completely asinine to me and degrading and terrifying. Am I so low on the "totem pole" of humanity that even someone sworn to the Hippocratic Oath would deny me help?
The doctor was not hesitant to prescribe me anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs however. It was not hard to get those. I thought I needed them and overall, I didn't. I took them for a couple of months and it just left me feeling sheepish and stupid. I guess I would rather have the depression and try to wade through that than be a drone with no soul. No brain wave. No thoughts. It's not for me. My brain is a sponge, constantly sucking in knowledge. I don't need that cloud over my vision. I am no longer on any pills and I know What I must do. Grow.
Grow personally and metaphorically via these beautiful ladies. Start over with no fear. I have been re planted, sprouted anew with a different view on life. I have known deep down inside that this is truly what I want to do with my life for some time. I cannot find anything that offers me the same satisfaction as becoming a cannabis cultivator. I feel this connection that I cannot explain. It's something wonderful to see this process. I'm only 4 weeks into flowering and I am excited every day to see what is new.
I plan to start a grow journal. I think it is important to share your experience and perhaps help others while gaining knowledge from the community. I am apprehensive about putting this online, as I said before. I've never really posted anything on forums and I am uncertain of the policy. I have pictures and worry somehow, they would not be safe to post online. Is there anyone that has this same feeling or is there anyone out there that could calm my nerves? I'm really excited to share my experience and need to be reassured that I will not be incriminating myself online.
Well, there ya go. My story currently. I'm glad to be here!
This is a great community of people all willing to help. We also have some serious medical people here. Take a look at 
