Judgmental people

[High Mom]

Hi. I've been an inactive lurker for some time and figure it's time to quit hiding.

I have a question for the older members. (Youngsters too, if you like) Do you find yourself being judged for your use of MJ? I've been affiliated, until recently, with a group of people I thought were good friends. When my use (not excessive and done in private) came to light, I was summarily dumped by these people, mainly through the Mods of the message board we all frequented.

I realize I shouldn't want to be around that bunch of judgmental assholes, but it hurt me a lot. I've never done anything that would put others in jeopardy and would never push it on someone who didn't want it.

We would get together for parties in centrally located cities, "do the town" and THEY wold get so messed up on alcohol that they completely lost control of their faculties. But it's not OK, for a 46 year old woman to go to her hotel room and smoke in private? (I don't drink.)

Sorry, I guess this turned into more of a Rant than a question, but I'd really like to know if others have run into similar so-called "friends." I think I need friends with broader minds.

 

[Dunlap]

Absolutely, I see it happen all the time. I have a whole group of friends who, while not completely ditching me, became much less around when I started smoking. Hell, one of them even called my parents and told them I was getting high 'cause he thought "I needed help".

Everybody that I've known when they started smoking loses, in some form or another, a few of their friends. My friend's girlfriend just started smoking, and now her friends are giving her the old "You've changed. You're a whole different person now that you smoke weed." lines and have stopped hanging out with her.

At first it sucks, and I even went so far to wonder if maybe it was my fault. Like, maybe subconsciously I was putting them off, that maybe it was me who only wanted to hang out with people who smoked. But with time I realized that wasn't the case, because I still have a bunch of friends who don't smoke who were able to accept that I did without being all weird about it. So with time I just accepted that there were some people too hung up to hang out with somebody who smokes this horrible drug, and just like anybody who holds 1 aspect of my life against me to such a degree, I'd rather not hang out with those people. Over time I made better friends. Ones that wouldn't get all weird just 'cause I smoke weed, and I have a blast with them. I look back at the friends I used to have, and see them as close minded people with their small, selective group of friends, most of which are afraid of anything new or different. It's sad, in a way.

Thats not to say that everybody who doesn't smoke, or doesn't like it, is close minded and petty. It's just the mentality of, I've been friends with this guy since high school, but now that he smokes pot, it's over. People with that kind of attitude just need to grow up, learn to accept the differences in people.

 

[Jim Finnel]

i feel for ya sister. oh yeah, glad you decided to stop lurking.
WELCOME !
one of the things i least like about myself is my tendency to judge people. but my problem is under control and i'm getting better. i think much of it goes to my church upbringing and back ground. but i don't wanna make excuses for myself.
i think that judging is about a lack of self esteem and trying to my one feel better about themselves by picking out the short comings in others. i know quite a few people who make a life style out of judging people and when they can't find a legitimate fault they just make one up. i hate people like that, may they burn in hell <- satire.

with most people i try to be up front. but i don't deal with people in a workplace any longer so i don't need to worry about a job. but honesty sure can weed out the judgers. i rarely go places where i can't smoke and i don't have any real relationships with non smokers. it just works that way after awhile. plus with my health and age, who needs the bullshit. i had to hide for years when i was dad. its my turn to let my freak flag fly. fuck um. you didn't sound like you were ranting, but i think maybe i did. oh well. plus i'm stoned and have happy fingers.

 

[AzGhostrider420]

Actually I find myself being judged for many things on many fronts by many people. Like User said, there are many amongst the masses who judge others with the kind of regularity Fiber Con users dream of. He also nailed the main reason why most folks pass judgement upon others... a self serving ego trip high. Nobody is perfect, we all have faults of some sort, and many use judgement as a tool for justification of their own faults, be they similar or otherwise. In so many ways, society today is hypocrisy run amok. Marijuana is illegal, alcoholic beverages are legal.... but consuming alcoholic beverages & driving a vehicle on a public roadway is illegal, regardless of individual capacity to operate that vehicle. It's based on a general standard that does not take into consideration all aspects and facts. Yet police departments in any given jurisdiction take a passive approach to enforcement while promoting an aggressive 0 tolerance attitude. They will set up a DUI checkpoint at some random location and impress the press with the # of arrests made.... which are ultimately insignificant... and obviously has not eliminated the issue. Common sense dictates that if you don't want over the limit drivers on the road, prevention is the goal. Checkpoints, increased patrols & so called awareness are responsive, not preventative. There are establishments that exist called bars, saloons, clubs & such that serve alcoholic beverages as the primary liquid refreshment. I'll skip the lawyer B/S here & keep it real by saying that most who patronize them do so to consume something alcoholic. It's safe to say that there will be people leaving them who exceed the legal blood alcohol level limit. It's also safe to say that more will than won't, and highly likely that most if not all will exceed the limit. Yet law enforcement officials will not station an officer at the point where private property meets public roadway to check each & every driver's blood alcohol level... as a form of prevention. Thus hypocrisy results, drunk driving occurs, people die and negative judgement is placed upon a person who goes home & smokes a joint. It's not limited to pot smokers either. There is an immigration situation these days that many are passionate about, on both sides. It involves, among others, legal status, language, benefits, race & of course money. Here in Arizona the influx of people in question is quite obvious and again common sense is not a factor in dealing with it but judgement is plentiful. The United States is currently involved in a confrontation which has resulted in sending young American men & women far away into harm's way by the thousands. All across the country and even in many parts of the world, people are passing judgement.... based solely on the opinions of others and what they see on TV or read in the paper, regardless of facts and reality. What's notable about this is essentially everyone in the country has a favorable opinion regarding the men & women serving in the military today with a vast majority professing patriotism to some degree and placing them in somewhat of a hero status. A place they rightfully deserve to be by the way... in my opinion. However this has not always been the case. At the time when I became one of the few & the proud as a US Marine back in 1980, hero status for a Marine or the Corps was the exception and rather rare. As was respect, for the "baby killer" association from the Vietnam experience still existed and though I volunteered to serve... as a US Marine at that, I never set foot in Vietnam and the facts & reality didn't support the association in the first place, I was still judged in a less than positive manner by many during my entire tour of duty.

For the most part people tend to focus on the negative aspects of life, wrong, bad, unjust, unfortunate & so on. The Positive stuff rarely makes headlines, the 6 O'clock news, water cooler commentary, office gossip or the National Enquirer, and stuggles to occur anywhere from Hollywood movie making to government policy & lawmaking to conversation with family & friends.... to passing judgement. It is possible to judge somebody in a positive manner just as easily as not but most people simply don't. WHY? Well I'm not a psychologist, but my guess is it has a lot to do with skeleton's in the closet as the primary factor combined with too many humans, it's all about me attitudes, LAWYERS, various media, GREED, ignorance and not knowing how.

Beginning in high school, through my days in the Marine Corps and the time since I've observed, heard & experienced much... and I've learned a lot as a result. You can force people to do something but you can't change them, people will only change if and when they want to. Be yourself as who you want to be and take pride in that. It doesn't matter whether you conform to the ideals, standards, morals or judgement of the masses. What matters is being true to yourself, your word and treating others as good or better than you would like to be treated yourself... allow happiness & satisfaction to happen.... respect the land as well as others.... and love..... regardless of reciprocation or otherwise. Remember, those who mind don't matter (as much) and those who matter... don't mind. It's called acceptance

Sorry about the length....... been known to occur with ...... just be thankful you got it in writing as I can talk much more proficiently than I can type!

 

[donnar]

I have been smoking for 40 years. I believe everyone (who matters) knows I smoke and deals with it. Of course, Many people I hang out with also smoke and that helps, I guess. As User said, I'm too old to worry about the small shit like that. I suppose being in California helps too, but if your 'friends' reject you for smoking, they were never friends.

Then again, it might be an opportunity for you to do a little education on the subject to these folk.

 

[Akornpatch]

There are people in my life that I would never let them know, others that know, and others that I don't care if they find out but I'm not going to spill the beans on purpose. I guess you have to judge who should and shouldn't know. If it comes back to bite you in the butt then they weren't worthy anyway.

My 2 cents.
Akorn

 

[Big dog]

My ex-wife knew, when we married, that I had smoked weed years ago. Several years after we married we underwent a time of significant stress. I took up weed on two separate occasions, one after I promised that I would not do it again. That's when my ex decided to divorce me. In the divorce proceedings she attempted to paint me as a real druggie. But everybody, including her, knew that that was not the case; that she just wanted out. Nevertheless, she used two instances of using MJ to justify divorcing me. I call that judgemental.

 

[Dunlap]

My ex-wife knew, when we married, that I had smoked weed years ago. Several years after we married we underwent a time of significant stress. I took up weed on two separate occasions, one after I promised that I would not do it again. That's when my ex decided to divorce me. In the divorce proceedings she attempted to paint me as a real druggie. But everybody, including her, knew that that was not the case; that she just wanted out. Nevertheless, she used two instances of using MJ to justify divorcing me. I call that judgemental.

Wow dude, that's rough.

 

[4iLLEsT2bTCH0]

everyone in my life knos that i smoke. my parents, the rest of my family, my boyfriends parents, my friends, even the polish woman i work for knos about it. i dont feel a need to keep it from anyone. if somebody likes me when they meet me, then there is no reason that they shouldnt like me when they find out i smoke weed. if they dont like the fact that i get high, o fucking well... i dont need people like that in my life. ive lived my life for how long without you in it, so if you dont like my smoking, then get the fuck out of my life and dont come back, i dont need you in it. the majority of my friends are smokers as well. and most of my pot smoking friends became my friends bc of weed. i have many non smoking friends as well, and they still love me just the same. and i would never judge them and stop talkiing to them because they dont smoke, and if one of my smoking friends quit, they ARE STILL MY FRIEND ya kno? bottom line, dont let people like that get to you... its not worth the trouble.

 

[vinny]

Hi - yeah, people can be as judgmental as hell, but that's THEIR problem! Most (ALL?) of them have no idea what they're talking about! That's just part of life, and I don't allow myself to become upset over their incoherent ramblings.

vinny

 

[richgannon_2001]

my friends are great about it, grew up with them and we tried it out growing up but they were always more into getting drunk, and as i went through the drinking phase once i was of legal age to dirnk it sorta lost its appeal it once had heheheh, but now i am a heavy pot smoker and my close friends dont smoke but they never say anything to me about it or treat me any different, guess im kinda lucky they bore witness to much worse drugs affect on people than weed but on occasion when we are partyin my good friend will have a bong toke of 2 and thats when i know its gonna be a geat night !!!

cheers

 

[smokemagnet]

I guess me and my friends have always been a close net of people most of us are smokers but there are a select few who dont care for it but we all share pretty much the same view on things well to an extent i'm not old at all like some of you just a young buck but the friends I have are definitly unique and we all have gone through a lot of shit together and at the moment came out on top........I have never really been descriminated agints for smoking bud it seems like unless by older folks ones who are still living in the lie that weed is a deadly narcotic ha it amazes me that that could even cross someones mind but anyways if dont like. they are preachin to the choir because I love it (lol I think that is how you spell choir).......

 

[High Mom]

In the few weeks since this inicident occurred, I've found mysef a lot more paranoid about who knows and who doesn't. I also find myself quoting Stoner4Life, "Fuck 'em if they can't take a toke!" (Thanks, Stoner. You made me laugh when it was very hard to laugh.)

I hate to think of not being friends with a group whom I thought I was close to, but in my book, they were not friends. Friends accept their friends with an open mind and heart. They don't judge.

Thanks to all for your input.

 

[Lady Pothead]

I had an interesting experience a couple of months ago.

My BF and I were at a HUGE blue moon party. I always decide what I want to do before I party. If I drink, I don't smoke. If I smoke, I don't drink.

Don't mix your drugs, is my motto.

So all night long, guy are buying us drinks. Hell, at one point, I had my own entourage! I kept passing my drinks to her, because she can drink almost anyone under the table.

Meanwhile, I find a couple of nice guys and we light up. Oh, sweet sweet herb! We all and up hanging out for most of the party, and close the place down.

We go to one of the guys house to keep going. (I mean, hey, it was only 2 am!) My BF is drunk, and I'm pretty baked.

I never lose control when I smoke, so I kept the guys at a distance. (Hey! Don't molest my friend!) But just because I'm toking with you, doesn't give you the right to hit on me all $@#% night. I said NO motherf*****.

All of my friends know I would rather smoke than drink. They all respect that. They know I like to get mellow, and I'm a lot of fun to be around, sober or stoned. Even my non-smoking friends have hooked me up on occasion.

I figure, people who are my friends (and trust me, going through a divorce from an abusive husband, you find out who your friends are really fast) love me for me. And that just happens to be a middle aged, college educated, genius smart, not hard on the eyes smoker.

Everyone else? Bite me. YOU try living what I've been through. See if you don't drink yourself into a damn stupor every night.

Me? I light one up (when I have, which I don't) sit back, and let the world keep turning.

Who would you rather hang around with?

The Lady