MJ and raising children

[Bagzgroove]

It has become more and more a growing concept in my own mind. I have been smoking regularly i.e daily for 10 years, started 16 years ago. In the last few years I have been quite open about it, not saying I announce it, just if it comes up, or somethin was related too, I generally don't lie about it. Work, and police are entirely different situations IMO. I have been the blacksheep in my family for quite a long time due to my "habits" and "lifestyle" and I always defended myself, but never pushed it on them. Over the years most of the family that truely matter and care came around, and don't judge so harshly anymore regaurding MJ, don't get me wrong, there still brain-washed Republicans, but I'm starting to think thats actaully brain damage. . .lol, but I digress. . . My GF of 4 years was a heavy toker like myself till she was pregnant with my daughter. She didn't smoke at all, and after she was born she continued to stay MJ free. (Not because of her views on MJ, just Mental Health issues she's tackling another way) Anyway, my daughter is now 1 1/12 years old. . . and I kinda wanted to get a feel for what other may think about smoking MJ during their childrens lives. How did you deal with it in the begining, thru pre and elementary school, and then thru 18? Its strange that I fumble around these questions in my own head. . . I've known many peeps who knew their parents smoked, or even toked with thiers. . . But many of my friends who smoked have moved away and such, so I don't have this experience to relate to anyone, or just to compare notes, ya know what I mean? Plus a lot of my friends parents who shared this info, had a lot of other things going on that MJ wouldn't even make the radar. . .i.e. other drugs. So I can't use them for analysis. . or whatever. . a little stoned and the ideas a starting to blend together. . .lol What do you guys think, what kinds of experiences have you parents had?

 

[RangerDanger]

My wife and I broke up when my daughter was 5. My wife left town with our daughter and left no forwarding adress and I didn't see her again until she was 15. By the time we reunited she was already had smoked pot with her friends.
It was no secret to her that I smoked MJ. My ex had portrayed me as some sort of out of control druggie.
We would share a joint on camping trips and occasionally on the weekends.
When she was 20 she stopped smoking weed and never re-started. She's not anti-MJ or anything, she just prefers not to get high (she also doesn't drink or use any other kinds of drugs).
My friend Bruce used to hide smoking weed from his parents when he was a teen.
Then, when he had kids, he'd hide it from them, until they were in their mid-teens. They already knew by then and had smoked pot themselves. But he never got high with them, mainly due to his anti-MJ wife.

One disadvantage of getting high when you have kids is that kids like to share, and might mention to a teacher, friends parents etc. about "the flower machine Daddy has in the closet." Or that Daddy smokes special cigarettes that make him laugh.
That's getting to be less and less an issue as marijuana smoking becomes more and more accepted.

I would say don't be open about it at first. CPS (in some states) can harrass parents who smoke pot. When your kids get to be teens talk to them about MJ.

 

[Akornpatch]

That's what we're here for... a sounding board for members.

I have 3 kids 15, 6, and 4. I never smoke in front of them. But i do leave my mags laying around. Last summer we all went to Hempfest in Seattle...all 3 days. My 15 year old thought it was a blast and scored a hemp wallet and a realy cool Rasta beanie...and the little ones thought it was fun too. I too wonder about what will happen at school - with the little ones - when D.A.R.E. and other propaganda is shoved down their throats. I'm hoping and praying that they don't accidently rat me out. I'm not worried about my oldest at all. So far he doesn't smoke, and I look forward to the day I confiscate his bag. LOL

 

[Bagzgroove]

LOL. . . That would be funny. . . then you could grill him for buyin shitty weed. . . I really try to be true to my ideas, but the reality of things don't always work that way, and sometimes you get burned. I don't want to raise my daughter with these mind numbing obsticals we place on ourselves. Try and feed the flow of change in the positive. I wouldn't smoke in front of my daughter for many years, but I am high when I interact with her. . . I don't see a problem with that, my family (immediate) doesn't have a problem with that, and right now its a non issue cause like, she's 1 1/2 years old. . lol!! Its when my daughter becomes aware of her surroundings, its when my daughter goes out into the world, interacting on her own so to speak that it becomes an issue. Like what about her friends, and thier parents. . that could possibly limit my daughter's social experience. . . school, shit that could limit my FREEDOM should they find out or worse remove my daughter from me. .Like RD mentioned. Now, I am a new parent. . so naturally I overthink the situation.

Akornpatch, did your kids KNOW you smoke? Like with your 15 year, did you have to face some of these issues, or did you just keep it to yourself as best you could?

I think I will just keep it to myself, against my grain a little, but I think it might just be best for her till she's of an age of.. . . damn who knows. . .lol

 

[CustomMX6]

I dont see what's wrong with it. I mean if the idea that MJ is illegal wasn't true, then I'm sure everyone would do it. It's illegal but I don't think it should effect your views of it regarding children. IMHO: How could it not be better for the children? People on Marijauna are better to be around! lol I babysit my neice who is 4 alot, and when I get stoned, we have good times together. Something that both of us (hopefully her too) can remember for the rest of our lives. I know I would get short term with my patients if it wasn't for the weed too, cause that little girl TRYS to push your buttons! It's nice when my brother smokes too because hes a horrible father, very mean and short (unfortunately he gets it from my dad) about everything. But it's nice when he's stoned cause if she gets in trouble, instead of yellin at her he would pick her up and play with her, you know? Maybe you could try explain to your children what it does. IDK...it's hard cause I feel like if you do it they will surely do it..not that, thats a bad thing, but it's just not for everyone.

but yeah....my point is I feel marijuana, if anything, would make you a better parents, and bring more enjoyment into the kids life, you know? But I would try to be sober around them alot, becuase you don't want them growing up and saying "my dad was ALWAYS stoned"

Sorry to hear about your situation, bro

 

[Bunny]

I always wonder this myself..


like growing up I knew my dad smoked pot but when they found out I had tried it they about kicked my ass! X_X and I had to sneak smoking like every other person that lives at their parents house. lame.

I think I'll pretty much hide it till they are about the age you know they wont accidently slip it out to their friends/teachers that their mom smokes weed XD

 

[Tiger Bass]

I come from parents who collectively probably never tried marijuana more than twice. However, I grew up in a family that was rather liberal in other ways, in the sense my parents where not afraid to introduce me to the world. They where secure with me looking at porn when I was younger (my dad AND mom would buy it for me when I was 16-17), they didnt care if I had premarital sex as long as I wasnt stupid about it, and when they figured out I smoked cigs, instead of disciplining me in the traditional sense, they sat me down and let me know how dissappointed they were with me and lectured me about how bad they are for you. But with all these privaleges at such a young age, I readily told ANYONE and EVERYONE who even hinted at these topics when I was early teens, 12-15. As I got a little older(16-17), I started realize that this isnt the type of stuff I should brag about and generally shout out to everyone, even if its not illegal. I would still tell my better friends though at this age.

Im still rather young (19), and probably not all that much wiser. I just thought I would share my personal experiences as a kid who's parents let them do stuff out of society's norms. I do feel that it has made me a better person because of this though. Rather than my parents locking me up and trying to hide me from the world.

Now that Im done with my story, I would definitely say wait till they are in the middle to late teens(15-16+). This way they have a better understanding of why they should not tell other people and the consequences for doing so. This also seems like the age that if my parents had told me NOT to tell anyone about my freedoms, I probably would have listened but they never told me not to since it wasnt that big of a deal. But most importantly, I wouldnt go based on age alone, I would say act based on how mature your kid is. This is basically what my parents did.

All in all, Im basically saying that if you tell them any earlier than 15, they may let it slip to someone else that you/they smoke.

Lastly, I really really hope you dont take offense to what I have to say in any manner. I just thought it would be helpful to gain some incite from a kid who has gained a little bit of knowledge from the world and who was in a similar situation.

I also have a bit more to add to this but I have to go to class now

 

[Bagzgroove]

See there are certain things am not worried about because thats just how it goes. . like growing up. . . You give your children the right tools to make the best decsions for themselves. . and thats all you can hope for. . . because a lot of the time they'll do it the hard way. . . I always learned the hardway. I suspect, because of my nature, my daughter will too. I guess the issue that really stands out would be, because it IS illegal how do we realistically expect our children to understand. Does a young child ask when they find out, after been fed propaganda of course, why? Why lie? and does that in turn hurt your relationship. Or if you do expose her to this lifestyle, so they are immune to the propaganda, is that fair to them? They don't know any better. . . I suspect parents in general muddle through this. . .I know I probably will. But its nice t have a conversation about it, like AP said earlier, a sounding board. I'm gonna go kiss my daughter. . .

 

[Tiger Bass]

Alright, the second half of my story.

I didnt start smoking till I was 16-17. And personally, I would not have wanted to started smoking any earlier.

I feel that kids who start smoking too much earlier than this probably dont have the necessary responsibility that should be involved with smoking marijuana. I know a lot of people that started smoking at a younger age and it seems as if they never did gain any sort of responsibility for using marijuana. Most, if not all of them, are now the typical braindead stoners that you see Above the Influence commercials about.

Secondly, I wouldnt want myself nor my kids get involved with the kind of lifestyle that commonly gets associated with smoking that early. All the kids I knew that smoked in middle/early highschool made bad grades, hated their parents, and had a criminal record already. To start smoking at an early age would pretty much send that kid right into that sort of group just because they would be the only other people that they would have something in common with. When I started smoking in highschool, I knew several people that were model citizens who smoked. This allowed me to associate myself with people that were overall better than myself.

Im having a hard time collecting my thoughts about the topic of that second paragraph into such a small explanation. I could potentially write a thesis on it. I hope that in my efforts to shorten it, I didnt not come off shrewd. Im more than sure that there have been people to start smoking in middle school and came out just fine.

 

[tinkerbell420]

as a mom with a 13 year old i do face this issue. my son has never seen me hold a joint/pipe/bong to my lips. however, he does know what mj is. 2 summers ago i was hanging out with my dad on the porch, my son playing on the opposite end of the yard. we would discretly take a hit of the pipe. all the sudden he comes running up and tells us to put the pot away. i think he smelled it, very potent
i kinda freaked out and wouldn't smoke anytime he was under the same roof with me.
now i smoke outside or inside the bathroom. with fabreeze air effects it cuts the smell really quick.
i don't know when i will bring up the benefits smoking has for me with him, cuz he is a blabber mouth and will tell someone if i remind him about it.

 

[lik_11]

One of my good friends found his parent's pot when he was 15- and we immediately smoked it!!! Before that- he didn't know his parents smoked, and they didn't know he smoked. When their personal stash went missing, they knew who to talk with. Perhaps a little late, but they used that experience as a chance to bring it up with him.... more than a little awkward... Kids are experiencing things earlier nowadays (that was 10 years ago!). Just be honest with your children, because they will find out!!!

My parents never so much as tried pot, but I told my Mom when I was in 5th grade DARE program that I was going to socially drink and smoke pot when I got in high school. She never believed me...haha... I've always kept my word!!

 

[CaseyJones]

I come from parents who collectively probably never tried marijuana more than twice. However, I grew up in a family that was rather liberal in other ways, in the sense my parents where not afraid to introduce me to the world. They where secure with me looking at porn when I was younger (my dad AND mom would buy it for me when I was 16-17), they didnt care if I had premarital sex as long as I wasnt stupid about it, and when they figured out I smoked cigs, instead of disciplining me in the traditional sense, they sat me down and let me know how dissappointed they were with me and lectured me about how bad they are for you. But with all these privaleges at such a young age, I readily told ANYONE and EVERYONE who even hinted at these topics when I was early teens, 12-15. As I got a little older(16-17), I started realize that this isnt the type of stuff I should brag about and generally shout out to everyone, even if its not illegal. I would still tell my better friends though at this age.

Im still rather young (19), and probably not all that much wiser. I just thought I would share my personal experiences as a kid who's parents let them do stuff out of society's norms. I do feel that it has made me a better person because of this though. Rather than my parents locking me up and trying to hide me from the world.

Now that Im done with my story, I would definitely say wait till they are in the middle to late teens(15-16+). This way they have a better understanding of why they should not tell other people and the consequences for doing so. This also seems like the age that if my parents had told me NOT to tell anyone about my freedoms, I probably would have listened but they never told me not to since it wasnt that big of a deal. But most importantly, I wouldnt go based on age alone, I would say act based on how mature your kid is. This is basically what my parents did.

All in all, Im basically saying that if you tell them any earlier than 15, they may let it slip to someone else that you/they smoke.

Lastly, I really really hope you dont take offense to what I have to say in any manner. I just thought it would be helpful to gain some incite from a kid who has gained a little bit of knowledge from the world and who was in a similar situation.

I also have a bit more to add to this but I have to go to class now

I also came from a set of parents who weren't really big on smoking mary jane. My mom tried it a few times in the late 70's and my dad has "never touched the stuff", according to him. But again, they were also pretty liberal when it came to most things. When I was 15 my mom walked in on me and me girlfriend having sex, and did nothing more than announce "Sorry" and close the door. She lectured me about the risks of premarital sex but told me that I was my own person living in the world, so I had a right to make decisions. I was also 15 when my dad and I shared our first beer together, and our second, and our third, and our fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth before I was laying on the living room floor singing some Eagles song that was on TV.

Soon my parents found out that I smoked cigarettes, and not too shortly after that, I was burning a doob in my bedroom with a few friends, mom comes home early from work, and BAM... now they know I smoke Mary Jane. To say the least I had indefinately dissapointed my parents but they didn't give up on me and they let me make my own decisions. I lead for the most part a successful life and have a great and growing relationship with dear old mom and dad.

Anyways, I just wanted to share my story too, considering it was close to Tiger Bass'. And yeah, I agree with him too.

 

[Akornpatch]

Akornpatch, did your kids KNOW you smoke? Like with your 15 year, did you have to face some of these issues, or did you just keep it to yourself as best you could?

It's a total kick to hang with the kids while you have a buzz. I just laugh my ass off sometimes. They're a crack up. And they love to have fun with you...but then I'm just a big kid anyway and we have great fun. I totally lost it one night at supper time and everyone was laughing at me splitting a gut. Fucking Hilarious! My 4 year old daughter is gonna be a smart ass like her old man.

I have NEVER smoked in front of any of them...including the oldest. Altho I've been pretty baked a few times. We have not really even talked about it, but I know he knows. I suppose it's about time to have "the chat". You know the one about how evil it is, and all the diseases and illnesses he will get if he tries it...even once.

I agree that it should be kept from them until they're old enough to understand, but in the mean time teaching them the truth.

EDIT: We were up in the Space Needle and I turned the spotting scope over to the Hempfest Main Stage and had him look thru it. He got a huge grin on his face and said "No Way! We're going there?" I said yes as soon as we get down from here. He went on to tell me about his buddies at school, that knew we were going to Seattle, said that he should ask his dad if he could go to Hempfest. Too Cool! Kinda surprised me that they knew about it. Anyway...He had some stuff to brag about when he got back to school. Plus he thought his dad was pretty fuckin cool. Let me add that I did discuss with him the fact the MJ shouldn't be illegal IMO and why, and that going to Hempfest wasn't a free ticket to start smokin pot.

 

[Bagzgroove]

Yeah, I guess thats how I envision it AP. . . Its funny, my GF doesn't really pull things apart like I do. . . You shoulda heard the conversation we had one night about 2 months preggo, I didn't want to let my child believe in santa claus. . .lol I had really been smokin hard that day, and I do honestly have issues with that, mainly because I am not christian, but we went back and forth, she thought I was crazy, and then she mentioned something about sparking imaginations. . .and I couldn't argue with that and I left that one alone. . lol She doesn't have an opinion one way or another regaurding MJ, doesn't really care if I do or don't. . .

Its funny tho, I'll go into my "safe room" check on my grow, roll one up, and about half way through my J, all I want to do is play with my daughter. . .I'll get all emotional. . . my girlfriend says I act more like a mother when I'm stoned. . .lol So far, everyone seems to be handling their MJ lifstyle around their children basically the same way. . .discreet till it can't be, I guess everything else will depend on that childs persona. It's nice to know that there are other parents on this site. . . Its good to see this kind of diversity in this kind of community. . .

 

[ShadyLady]

My parents never drank or smoked any substance, were and still are dead set against drugs of any kind...its obvious the swinging sixties were not swinging for them...lol
I choose not to smoke in front of my four children (aged 10, 8, 6, and 4), they know mummy has a special medicine, or a special block of herbs. They do know about different types of drugs and I know because I have taught them about drugs!
I do however wait until they are in bed, before I smoke any mj! I smoked mj during the first few weeks of my pregnancy when I was having my son, he's perfectly fine.
I have always said that I'd sooner my kids when they are old enough, smoke cig's and mj with me and not hide the fact that they are doing it because to me it is not a sin to smoke mj, to me it is not wrong! but I will set boundries with them... and they had better not cross that line!

 

[Bagzgroove]

I hear ya, thats the other thing, so you decide to keep it under wraps so to speak till their mature enough, since age isn't a great indicator. How do we bring this up reponsibily? Thinking back to my childhood, my parents really didn't have the drug talk with me till I was 13-14. I already knew about most drugs and had already formed an opinion that everyone was full of shit. . you know how you are at 14. . got all the answers. . . Honestly, I couldn't say I was responsible with MJ till my mid 20's. I wasn't responsible wth anything, let alone MJ. .lol IMO, I turned out fine, much like the rest of us. . . we're functioning adults. . . Now idealisticaly, we try an protect our children, keep them from making the same mistakes that we did. . . I don't want my daughter to walk the line that I walked. . . I was involved with some dangerous, and some just plain scary shit, but that is whats made me who I am, I have a better understanding of myself because of this. I am now a kind, gentle man. . . I definately didn't start that way, and it was years of work and mistakes and constantly re-examining my motives and actions that brought me here. . . MJ was a big part of that. . . I guess this is another example of how we must teach our children the tools to make their own decisions. . . We can't really teach what experience can. . .

So what have I learned from this open thought thread. . .
When the time comes, and your children have a few cells to rub together on their own, show that MJ is recreational, show that MJ is a tool, share your thoughts and feelings with them. . . Be honest, and let them live their lives, with in reason of course, because thats how we learned it. . . and maybe with a little more dialog than our parents gave us, they'll make the right choices for themselves.

 

[redeyesego]

I kept my smoking habit secret from my parents until they finally found a bag out in the woods where we get firewood at my cabin. in the bag was two knifes,
a blow torch, tin can and a glass bottle with hole in bottom. It reeked of res/weed. My mom was oblivious (she once thought skunks got into our storage room in the basement after a night of heavy toking) But my dad was like "He's smoking pot!" Well we had the big talk and now they accept it but dont like it, they even asked me last month, "so how much do you spend on weed per month" so we could figure out a budget.

Anyways im happy that my parents know it now, it takes that thought off my mind. But the question of if i were a parent, I would let my children know at around 12 or 14. Kids are smarter than most ppl think however if you dont talk to them and explain things they can get mixed messages and do things they shouldnt. My friends parents were way more chill, they once found his stash and replaced it with orageno. I think as long as there is a mutal understanding then its all good.

 

[Bagzgroove]

LMAO. . . When I was 17 or so, I used to tke up in the basement, not really caring about the odor. . .anyway, one day my neighbor saw me coming home from school, and asked did we get rid of that skunk yet. . . I was like WTF are you talking about. . . he had said my mother was asking around to see if the skunk was bothering anyone else in the hood. . I thought the whole thing was so funny I told my parents. . . and it took some convincing, my father didn't believe me that the bud I had at the time smelled like skunk. . and he never smoked anything like it when he was in school. I'm 32 years old. . . and my mother still bring up the skunk. . .lol

 

[Tiger Bass]

I sometimes wonder if my parents know. I never really smoked in highschool but that is when I gained interest in it and started. Though the thing that would cause them to believe so is that Im a pretty hardcore Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd listener. Oh, and Ive openly asked my mom once or twice if she's tried it before, though I was clean so it didn't really bother me if she thought anything of me asking.

I would try to be more open about it with them but I know they wouldnt understand. When they found out I smoked cigs at 17, they went psycho and drug tested me. I was clean at the time. As far as I know, my mom has never tried it but my dad MIGHT have. Its a long story but my mom let it slip that he tried something. To this day Im not sure what the reference was to but I imagine it was weed.

 

[Bagzgroove]

Yeah see it different the other way around. . . When I talked to my parents about my smoking, (when I was under their wing) I didn't have to think about anyone's best interests, or consequences, or reality for that matter. . .lol But me being a parent, the issue changes a little. . . not that the nature of smoking has changed or the culture, just the everyday responsibilities that go with being a parent tend to weigh heavy in a discussion about MJ.

Whats crazy, thru all this. . . the underlying reason all these questions and possibilities is MJ is Illegal. . . If it wasn't, a lot of these issues wouldn't be. . . The topic (not the substance) would probably be treated much like we treat alcohol. I mean there would still be a stigma for a bit for anyone who smoked from the eyes of those who don't. And that could still affect (effect, I forget which) our children.