My Side of the Story


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Jeremy you have to accept Christ into your heart and acknowledge him as your savior...that is the only way that you will be able to live a fulfulling life, one that appeases God...

Thats what was told to me about my 8th grade year during a religious retreat when I thought the farthest extent of spiritual exploration reached only to the point of an afterlife and what one would need to do to acheive it...

Well as Matt Dillon says in one of my favorite movie (Employee of the Month 2004):

"Every day some faceless knob walks out in front of a bus and buys it. They call it fate, God's will. That particular John Doe spent his whole life eating his peas, studying his algebra, saving for his 401K, blah blah blah... All that to wind up a brown stain on a 10 ton city bus, to be remembered as the poor schmuck that got hit by a bus. God Kills true believers and kind souls everyday; and gets a free pass from the entire world; all because people think his murder and mayhem is part of some divine plan. Well, fuck that, I've got a divine plan and it's just as good as God's."

Let me explain my random train of thought...I was raised in a world where mass was every Sunday and Communion was not a Holy time, but one that meant we could duck out of mass early while everyone else was still seating themselves and after just enough time that we could tell our parents about the message in that days sermon.

As with most kids I was raised in parent's religion not my own...Highschool changed it does for most natural born free thinkers (not to hold myself up on a pedestal)...It created an environment in which I was now enjoying marijuana.

My first hit, if that term does the practice justice, was Freshmen year when a pair of bouncing perky tits and long blonde hair convinced me to try it...I loved every minute of it as I drove along Chicago's suburban streets in my parents car feeling one love and my path home illuminated by the floating, yes floating street lights.

Slowly I began to include marijuana in most of my life actions...Most people call this an addiction, which I think is a horrible term for the use of any substance...herbal or not. Introducing it willing to allow my graphic artwork to be of higher quality, or to allow my digitally composed music to sound more meaningful, or just to kick back after a hard days work and feel like life was worth living amongst friends.

Now Im in college and I denounce all forms of modern religion as my exploration has led me to personally decide the common thread in religion is what we need to look at.... put the comfort of your brother and sister before you own and promote peace and love. Granted thats a little general but you get the idea. Modern religion takes a good idea and puts a fanatical spin on it which not only limits a persons ability to piece together the puzzle that is life, but also shelters a person.

Expirementation with Hallucinogenic drugs such as mushrooms and DMT followed as I started to believe that each trip was a different piece to my own personal puzzle.

Marijuana isnt an abused substance as I now believe it truley does expand ones mind. I will be straightforward and admit that I believe Marijuana has its negative side affects as with any other substance but for the longest time my stance has been why that in a country that supports choice more addictive and far more harmful substances are sold over the counter to those who are supposed to be 18.

Right now I guess you could say Ive kinda wandered from the path that was set for me from birth and Im just spinning in circles in the middle of the forest as I puff on a blunt and ponder that all too omniscent question, why are we here?

Ive heard so many different ideas, some that have merit, and others that don't. One idea that created the sense that I was just a bunch of atoms and molecules working together in a larger organism that would one day cease to function presented itself. It depressed me severely, prevented me from going to class, doing my homework, and even more recently showing up for some of my midterm exams...

Ive started to realize that unforunately there I some things I have to do even though I dont want to, like go to school. Knowledge is the only weapon that I see has any merit in a debate so now I have begun to straighten out my habits and maintian my school work while at the same time taking my girlfriend Mary Jane out on for a night on the town....about 6 to 7 times a day.

Im still trying to piece my own puzzle together and to even understand myself and my actions...I thought that would be the best way for me to introduce an individual who has found peace yet is still wandering through the forest...

-- Jeremy
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