Random high thoughts

[solo07]

I always used to say that i should record my thoughts when im high and I did...this is the night of September 30, 2009 after 2 blunts.



Written September 30, 2009 at 1:43 A.M.


I think karma is starting to kick in against me because lately, I have been feeling very bittersweet about everything, including myself and others.

And I also think that another cause of my recent feelings is due to the fact that I have absolutely no one to talk to that can relate to my problems. I get tired of people I can rely on telling me "you can always talk to me when you need to", and I appreciate that but a wise man once said, "Never take advice from someone that does not have your problem."

The lack of someone to talk to causes me to hold in everything that I'm going through. I just can not talk to most people on that level anymore since I stopped trusting everyone. People get so messy when you try and confide in them and open up.

And from that, comes my major trust issues. I can barely even trust myself sometimes.

It seems like sometimes my mind just starts to dramatize because I start thinking what would happen if I did some kind of crazy, off the wall thing that most people wouldn't even consider doing.

Of course I hold myself back from doing those things because if I would have ever done anything that I have dramatized, I wouldn't be even close to where I am.

So clearly I have a lot on my mind and need some encouraging words right now wouldn't hurt.

But back to me; it seems like everyday, the world gets even smaller than it already seems to me, and everything just keeps moving as if every aspect of life is acceptable.

Sometimes I get the feeling that I am completely alone; and on the other hand, sometimes I feel like a specimen or something that is being watched by something much larger.

Mayne I get so tired of just going through the motions of school and life at this point, and I am starting to understand what [a special person] means when [she] tells me that [she] is "numb".

By all means, please don't read that last message and assume that I am suicidal, but I am just exercising my creative side like I do sometimes.

The only differences between now and any other time that I do this is that I am completely sober at the time and right now, my mind is racing so much that I can't even sleep.

Since I can't trust anyone with my feelings that go this deep and I consider the internet somewhat of a medium to inexplicably express myself like no one has ever seen, I give you some of my true feelings deepest thoughts, and in a nutshell, I have shared at least one regret that I don't plan on letting anyone know. Please be aware that I did protect a few people by not putting names, and I still left out a lot of details; and of course, this would be enormously longer.

In fact, all day today I felt like something was missing; like things just are not going right, but I don't know how, or in what way. Could my body and/or mind have known that this was coming before it happened? And I hardly think that this is just a "Gemini moment" (like I call them).

I really think the world is just so sad right now. It's a world that is run on instant gratification and a lot of fucked up shit.

That was just one of the many sides of me that people rarely see long enough to enjoy. I'll be good tomorrow because tomorrow is a New Day/ Aint it Man.

 

[diggler35007]

send aprvte mess.

 

[Dain Bramage]

well you sound no diffrent then a million other lost souls moving thew life.you didn't really say anything that all of us has not felt at some point in time.when i have a good smoke i don't like to think of how thing's are but how thay could be,not to look back but to look foward.oh ya next time tell us what ya smoked at the time becuse you sound like you could do with some indica to slow things down,take the edge off,and relax after all tomorrow is going to be just like today and you alresdy made it threw that

 

[obliviconsent]

Everyone needs to vent or express themselves in different ways, and it's true the internet is a way to express your feelings privately. So just look for the right peeps to encourage you and it doesn't matter what strain you use, that's why it's called a healing plant.

 

[sleepystoner]

I had the most confusing thought before, how weird are words? think about it who thought of the word tree how do words come from other words and who first thought of English and who named countries?

 

[BtodaLew]

hey man, try not to feel so bad. i think all of us feel like that sometimes. like something's just missing... like the longer we go on living, the more demystified life becomes and it's all just monotonous and meaningless. i'll tell you what though, man.. it isn't. LOVE is key. not even talking about romantic love here, although that is great. helping others and doing right unto others won't pay off immediately sometimes and might even cause suffering (people will shit on you a lot of the time, take advantage of you, etc,) but you'll have something over most people... you'll be able to live comfortably with yourself and you'll have high quality people in your life, because you are a high quality person. it may take a while, but just keep yourself and your morals in check, try hard in life and school, and love others... and it'll all be worth it, brother. p.m. me if you need anyone to listen and maybe give advice or anything. i get depressed at times as well and feel just like you do, but even at those times i know that it's really nothing... life is a river with many twists and turns, and it goes on and on. you'll have bad times then good times then more bad times.. you can't really control much, but you can control how you react to everything. there are good people out there, it's just a matter of finding them... i have a few good people in my life, and even they let me down sometimes. but i let them down, as well. we're all human. i hope you cheer up and perhaps find some good smoke man. there are a lot of cool people on here who are awesome to vent to and will tell you like it is.