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Stoned jokes

ari30

New Member
I thought it would be fun to open a Marijuana, Cannabis and Hash jokes thread!

You are welcomed to write any jokes you know as long as they include smoking, smokers, cannabis, Marijuana, hash, joint, bong, chillum, and

their friends! Here are the first ones:

- Stoned head died and went to hell. He opened his eyes and he sees of a huge marijuana field. Tons and tons of high quality juicy buds around him. He cannot believe his eyes. Suddenly, he sees another Stonehead. He runs towards him. And asks him in an astonished voice: "is this really hell? I always thought hell is lava and fire."
- The other Stonehead starts yelling: "Fire, Fire! You have Fire? We don't have fire here..."
:bong: :laugh2:


Go on and add your jokes <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:eek:ffice" /><o:p></o:p>
 

merickson

New Member
Re: stonhad jokes

How long did it take them to figure out how to light a joint by rubbing two stalks together?
 

Frank_Dawson6

New Member
Re: stonhad jokes

A stoner walks in to this bar and asks for a drink
the bartender goes ok how bout you have a shot of Stoned
He says ok
So afterwards he's walking back home nice and buzzed and sees this stone on the
sidewalk and says
Hey do you know there is a drink named after you
and he says Really,
there's a drink named Steve.

(From Family Guy but made it stoner approved)
 

ms.kitty420

New Member
Re: stonhad jokes

There's a stoner and a super genius sitting on a bench waiting on a bus. The genius gets bored, leans over to the stoner and says, "Hey I'll tell you what, I'll ask you a question and if you don't know the answer you have to give me five bucks. If you ask me a question and I don't know the answer I have to give you fifty bucks." The stoner says, "Alright, Man." The genius asks the stoner, "What is the Pythagorian Theory?" The stoner replies, "I don't know," and hands the genius five bucks. "Okay," the stoner says, "What has three legs going up a hill and four legs going down?" The genius thinks real hard and finally gives up. he hands the stoner fifty bucks and then asks, "So, what is the answer?" The stoner says, "I don't know," and hands the genius five bucks.
 

ms.kitty420

New Member
Re: stonhad jokes

A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home. One the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled. The guy limps up to the stoner and says "Call me an ambulance!" The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, "You're an ambulance!"

hahahaha
 

Philosopher

New Member
Re: stonhad jokes

Not a stoner joke, but funny nonetheless.


A Scotsman walks into the local pub, and orders a whiskey. He says to the bartender, "Y'see that fence over there, Ah built it with mah own two hands, Ah split the rails, Ah dug the postholes, did all the work meself. Do they call me Mcgreger the fence builder? No." With that he downs his whiskey and orders another, continues to ramble at the bartender. "Y'know the pier oot on tha loch? Ah built that, too, cut the timber, and damn near drooned meself to sink tha pilings, but do they call me Mcgreger the pier builder? No." The Scotsman downs his next shot and orders a double, and concludes, "But ye fook ONE sheep!"
 

StonerGrower

New Member
Re: stonhad jokes

^haha

this one isnt stoner related but funny none the less

a pedafile a priest and a alchoholic walk into a bar....the bartender asks "what will you be having tonight father" (think about it)
 

CookieMan

Passionado
Re: stonhad jokes

my favorite stoner joke ever:

An old stoner is walking along the beach and he discovers a lamp with a genie in it. As usuall the genie offers the stoner three wishes. First, he wishes for world peace. Second he wishes for a never ending joint. He sparks it up and takes the biggest rip he can; the joint remains the same length. He takes a couple more rips and it just stays the same side. The stoner says, "Hey dude, this is some pretty dank nug". The genie reminds the stoner he has one more wish. The stoner replies, "I want another"
 

ari30

New Member
Re: stonhad jokes

LOLL:cool027: :3::48:



Cooool.

Alright.

Here's a good one!

A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home.
One the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled. The guy limps up to the stoner and says "Call me an ambulance!" The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, "You're an ambulance!"

:allgood:
 

ChezNoff

New Member
Re: stonhad jokes

"Hello, is this the FBI?" "Yes, what do you want?" "I'm calling to report my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood." "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob's house. Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep." "Happy Birthday, Buddy!"
 

ChezNoff

New Member
Re: stonhad jokes

A stoner walks into an appliance store and asks the owner, "How much for that TV set in the window?"
The owner looks at the TV set, then looks at the stoner, and says, "I don't sell stuff to potheads." So the stoner tells the owner that he'll quit toking and will come back the next week to buy the TV. A week later, the stoner comes back and says, "I quit smoking pot. Now, how much for that TV set in the window?"
And the owner says, "I told you I don't sell to potheads!" So the stoner leaves again.
He comes back a week later and says, "How much for that TV?"
The owner says, "I'm not going to tell you again, I don't sell to potheads!!!"
The stoner looks back at the owner and says, "How can you tell I'm a pothead?"
The owner looks back and says, "Because that's a microwave."
 

ChezNoff

New Member
Re: stonhad jokes

What's the difference between a drunk and a stoner?

A drunk drives through the stop sign... a stoner waits for it to turn green.
 

onewarmguy

Well-Known Member
Re: stonhad jokes

Not a stoner joke, but funny nonetheless.


A Scotsman walks into the local pub, and orders a whiskey. He says to the bartender, "Y'see that fence over there, Ah built it with mah own two hands, Ah split the rails, Ah dug the postholes, did all the work meself. Do they call me Mcgreger the fence builder? No." With that he downs his whiskey and orders another, continues to ramble at the bartender. "Y'know the pier oot on tha loch? Ah built that, too, cut the timber, and damn near drooned meself to sink tha pilings, but do they call me Mcgreger the pier builder? No." The Scotsman downs his next shot and orders a double, and concludes, "But ye fook ONE sheep!"



Don't get me started on sheep jokes
 

Ravenplume

Well-Known Member
Re: stonhad jokes

What's the difference between a drunk and a stoner?

A drunk drives through the stop sign... a stoner waits for it to turn green.


Rats. That was the one I was going to tell. :p

So slightly edited to make it "technically qualify" for this thread...

Three stoner Irishmen walk out of a bar...
 
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