Passing Your Urinalysis
Disclaimer: For all intents and purposes this information is for pre-employment urine tests only. Not hair or Saliva tests (both of which are quite rare), and not law enforcement related tests where they may watch you provide the specimen.
When THC enters your body, regardless of how you consume it, it deposits metabolites in your fat cells which are slowly released and removed from your system. A Urinalysis tests for those metabolites in your urine. They usually require 50-60mL (1.5 – 2 Fl. Oz.) of urine, and will run it through a number of tests to confirm the presence of metabolites, as well as check the validity of the sample. Dipstick tests, GC/MA, HPLC, Immunoassay and Specific Gravity tests are all common. All tests have a minimum cut-off, usually 50 ng/mL, any amount above that will return a positive result. This is important to note, because you do not have to be 100% clean to pass, just get under that amount.
Methods of Beating the Test
-Natural Detoxification (over time)
The Natural Method
So you’re about to start looking for a job and you suspect many of your prospective employers will require a drug test. If you have the time, the best way to guarantee a negative result is to just stop smoking. Marijuana metabolites will naturally flush from your system over time. The amount of time varies wildly from person to person, depending on weight, metabolism, activity level, and other factors. The frequency of use also dramatically increased detection times. Because of that, I am not going to try and make any specific predictions on how long it will take for you to get clean; if you think you’re pushing it, see below regarding dilution.
For a person of average weight allow 1-3 days for a single use (bowl or 2 with friends some night, NOT an all-night smokathon) -- For “regular” use, including daily use, 5-10 days -- For Chronic use, meaning multiple times per day, every day, 15-20 days.
For heavier, less-active people those numbers rise quite rapidly, up to 1-2 months for a chronic user. Smaller people will also burn it off faster.
Getting Clean Faster
As I said, metabolites are stored in your fat cells, and they’re burned off with the fat cells. That means the higher your metabolism, the faster you’re releasing those metabolites. Exercising is the best way to accelerate that process. Going for a walk or run once a day will considerably help you to get clean faster. Sometimes being less active in the days before your test will actually help you pass, as you won’t be burning off fat and releasing as many metabolites. (You’ll still be burning off some, but remember, you don’t need to be completely clean.)
Also remember to stay hydrated. Don’t drink a lot of sodas or other caffeinated or alcoholic beverages. They will dry you out, and you need to have fluids in your system to flush the metabolites. Fruit juices and teas can be helpful as well.
If you’re planning to just, “wait it out”, I recommend investing in some at-home, dipstick style, drug screens. You can use them to either make sure you’re clean before you go in, or to use ahead of time to gauge how long it takes you personally to get clean. They can also be useful if you’re planning to dilute.
Dilution is probably the most common way to ‘cheat’ a drug test. Simply put, you drink a bunch of water and dilute the hell out of your urine. It works like this; say the cutoff for the test is 50 ng/mL, and you’re currently testing at 75 ng/mL (there is no way for you to know exactly where you are, I’m just using these as an example), normally you’d fail. But if you’re pushing twice as much water through your system, suddenly you’re down to 35-40 ng/mL, and you pass. It’s just that easy… or is it?
The exact amount of water you need to drink varies. Don’t go overboard and drink gallon upon gallon of water an hour before your test, as you can develop Water Poisoning if you drink too much. Drinking around 8 glasses the morning before you go in should be enough, but a general rule of thumb is to drink until you’re pissing clear (and running to the bathroom pretty frequently), and maintaining that level by continuing to steadily drinking water right up till you go in the door of the testing facility.
There really is no need to drink enormous amounts of water for the days prior to your test. Since the water you drink that far in advance is already well out of your system by the time you actually go in, it really won’t be much to help you. Just drinking your normal 8 glasses a day should be plenty.
Not Getting Caught
Urine that has been diluted heavily will be visibly paler than normal, which is suspicious, and may be tested for Specific Gravity to check the levels of other common components of human urine and determine if it has been diluted. The easiest way to combat this is to take B vitamins (B2 (Riboflavin) and B12 are considered the best), which will bring the color back to your pee. Try to take between 50 and 100 milligrams the morning before you go in. You can also buy creatine (Red meat is a very good source as well), because some testing facilities do specific gravity tests on all samples, regardless of color. Start eating more red meat or taking your creatine pills a few days in advance of the test, 3-4 days or so, if you have enough notice. If you don't have that much notice, look for a product containing Creatine Monohydrate, which processes through the body faster than naturally acquired creatine.
As I mentioned above, the at-home tests can be useful when you’re diluting, because you can test yourself as you’re getting ready and know when you’re good. It beats the hell out of drinking a gallon of water and still wondering if it was enough.
Detox drinks are a little mysterious. It’s unclear exactly how most of them work, but they do. I personally suspect that many of them are merely B vitamins and creatine in a drink and the instructions have you drink a bunch of water with it, making it basically fancy dilution. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing, as it’s probably easier than going out and buying those things separately. Some of them that I have heard of do seem to work in some other way. For example, 420 Body Clean: Advanced Rapid Cleanser, works in 1-2 hours with only the drink and 20oz of water. Also the Stay Clean system works in a similar fashion.
Some things to consider when you’re looking into a product:
-Who’s offering the biggest Money-Back Guarantee on their product?
-What products have your friends had first-hand experience using with good results? Don’t take the word of a friend of a friend of a friend.
-What kind of a time table will you have around the test? Most drinks take about an hour to kick in, and only last for a few hours after that. If you’re going to be drinking the bottle on the way to the lab, you’ll want to make sure it’s designed to work that quickly.
While the drinks do seem to work for most people on most occasions, I would be hesitant to put my trust in one if I was a very heavy smoker, or an overweight person, or both. On the flipside, if you’re skinny and very active, who hasn’t smoked in a couple of days, these are probably a waste of money. You could probably drink enough water to pass without even throwing off your creatine levels.
The fourth and final method I will discuss is the method I myself trust. In a nutshell, you’ll be smuggling in a small container of liquid which you will empty into the cup in place of your actual urine. Some people just get a [clean] friend’s urine, and some people buy a synthetic product that tests as urine. I have never heard of a synthetic failing a test. Some come in powders, some are pre-mixed, some even come with prosthetic penises in case someone is watching. But they all work about the same.
Making The Switch
There are really only 2 tasks to accomplish when substituting. The first is getting it in, and the second is keeping it at body temperature. Most labs have temperature strips on the sides of the cup and they note the temperature of the sample when you hand it over. Too low or too high, and you’re in trouble. Luckily, both tasks are handled by simply securing the container to your leg, preferably under your scrotum, if you’re a man. It’s completely unnoticeable through your clothing, and your body will keep it close enough to body temperature to not raise any eyebrows. Beware of tape, rubber bands, etc. that may make noise when you remove them. Also look out for containers that may make an audible noise when opened or closed, as often the lab worker will be standing directly outside the door listening for just that type of thing.
If you’re using your own container, make sure it is CLEAN. Any residue inside that could throw off the pH or add other substances to the sample could register as an adulterant on the test. Be aware of any medications that whoever is providing the sample may be on. It’s a bummer to get a friend’s piss just to fail because he’s taking Vicodin, for example.
I, myself, use a product called Quick Fix, pre-mixed synthetic urine that comes in a little bottle, it comes with a heating pad and rubber band so you can keep it at temp without having it tucked away between your legs. Hasn’t failed me yet, and until it does (or gets banned, which it is in a handful of states already), I’m going to stick by it.
What Doesn’t Work
Niacin – While it is a B vitamin, and it might be a good thing to take small amounts of normally, contrary to popular belief, that itching/burning feeling you get when you take half a bottle is not the metabolites getting forced out of your system.
Bleach, Vinegar, Visine, Salt, or Any Other Additives – Some of these may cover the metabolites in your urine, but they will also throw off the pH test and return an unfavorable result.
Golden Seal Tea – This does work, however many labs are testing for It now and will report your using it to your employer.
Adding Water From the Faucet or Toilet of the Facility – Aside from the fact that you’re picking up a bunch of chlorine and other chemicals, and throwing off the pH, and destroying your creatine levels, and lowering the temperature way too low; most places listen for the faucet and color the toilet water blue. Do not expect to be able to do something like this.
Claiming you took Ibuprofen, Tylenol, Aleve, or Any Other False-Positive-Inducing Product – Modern tests can tell the difference between just about anything and THC metabolites. I wouldn’t expect this type of excuse to pass.
Smoking Your Brains Out Before You Go In – I actually had one person tell me that tests have a upper cutoff point, and that if you smoked a ton the night before and morning of your test, you would actually test off the chart and return a negative result. I strongly discourage anyone from attempting this method.
Knowing what you’re going to do when the situation arises is priceless. Take the time now to figure out how long it takes you to get clean naturally, or see how well a detox product works, or see how much you’d have to actually drink to register as clean. Buy some of those dipstick tests, you get 10 for $20 on Ebay, and figure out what you’re going to do so there is no question of if it will work when it actually happens. I know that if I stop smoking right now, it will take me about a month to get clean on my own, I can drink myself clean pretty easily a couple days ahead of time, and I have a bottle of Quick Fix in my closet in case I don’t have the notice. No running around trying to figure out what works, no wondering how much water it’ll actually take. Knowing ahead of time what your plan of attack will be removes a lot of the stress of having to pass a drug test.
All of the products mentioned in this article are available through 420 Sponsors.
All carry a variety of drinks, synthetics, at-home tests, and some other hair and saliva products as well.
I’d like to thank HAHA420, JimmyBong, StonerGrower4, smokin.moose, Tiger Bass, _qWERTY and Tinkerbell420 for their valuable contributions to this article. Other sources include:
Wikipedia – “Drug Tests”
Thanks for reading, I truly hope everyone who needed to know something now knows it.
This topic will remain open for questions/comments/suggestions/additions/retractions/whatever for a brief time.