I was just reflecting back on my life, (toke, toke) and was remembering this one great story, and I though i would share.
Back in my good days, (not), I had this 13 foot long python.
Well, I used to sometimes take her with me to by buds house in this big Army sack. (She caused too much attention when not in the bag) Her name was Precious. She was so pertty. Even knew how to open doors.
Anyway, one night while I was walking home from "said Buds house" with a nice buzz, when here comes a cop car, real slowly past me, and the two chick cops inside was eyeballing me hard as they went by. Ofcource I'm stoned and thinking "Oh shit", and with good reason, I had a nice sack on me, (and not the snake sack)lol.
They whipped the car around and drove up on the curb in front of me and jumped out, with guns drawn, yelling "Drop the bag!"
Yea... "Oh shit" was right. Lost my buzz immediately.
I set her down nice and easy, just as one of them grabbed the bad and started to open it, all yankee like.
Well, being the nice guy I am, and the fact that I didn't want precious to get shot, I yelled, "You don't want to do that, there's a 13 foot long snake in there, and you just pissed her off!"
And of course..... she opened it. wasn't open for long though. I guess she didn't like snakes or something.
Well for reasons unknown to me yet, I was cuffed and stuffed, and Precious was tossed in the trunk.
We went down the road to the corner store where about 10 other cop cars were, and at least as many cops. Not to mention all the on lookers.
Well, we pull in there, and these bitches jump out of the car and yell...." Guess what we have in the trunk!" .... no shit. Every cop there came over to see Precious. A couple of those jerks even pulled her out of her bag and was screwing with the other sissy cops and teasing her.
I could have killed at this point.
Turns out the joint had just been robbed, and apparently, I was the prime suspect. Go figure.
So now the guy running the store comes out to identify the perpetrator, and he has two black eyes and a bloody nose and all. He looks at me, cuffed in the back of the cruiser, (I'm 5 foot 9, blond hair, blue eyes) and shakes his head yes, and walks back in.
I still didn't know what had happened, as the nice young female police officers that yanked me off the street hadn't told me yet.
So I'm thinking.... "what the fuck?"
Meanwhile, the dude that really robbed the freaking store was getting away, because the supper cops that nabbed me had there man now. With an ID!
ME!!
That's when they decided to tell me that I had just beat this dude up, and robbed his store. Not sure if Precious was ID'd as my accomplice or not at this point.
After some intense negotiations, (and some begging and pleading) I convinced the cops to bring the black eyed guy back out again. (This time he comes closer than 10 feet away) The cop shines the light in my face, and the dude goes,....... Wait for it..........."That's not him, the guy that robbed me was black". Yea... BLACK!!!
Nuthin against a black man,... but common.
So now the supervising officer comes and lets me out of the cruiser. Keep in mind that there are like two dozen rubberneckers there still.
It's now my time to shine.... right?
I let into his ass, and then told him that one of you assholes is going to give me a ride home now because now I'm late and I'm going to have to deal with my mother!!. He just stood there, smiled, and said nothing till I was done, and then quietly said to me... "Boy, if you don't get your ass out of here and take your snake with you, I going to arrest you for obstructing justice."
So I hung my head down low and walked away pissed off without a buzz, went home and smoked a huge hog leg just to calm down.
Geeze, now I gotta smoke one just to calm down from telling that story.
Got one better than that?
Back in my good days, (not), I had this 13 foot long python.
Well, I used to sometimes take her with me to by buds house in this big Army sack. (She caused too much attention when not in the bag) Her name was Precious. She was so pertty. Even knew how to open doors.
Anyway, one night while I was walking home from "said Buds house" with a nice buzz, when here comes a cop car, real slowly past me, and the two chick cops inside was eyeballing me hard as they went by. Ofcource I'm stoned and thinking "Oh shit", and with good reason, I had a nice sack on me, (and not the snake sack)lol.
They whipped the car around and drove up on the curb in front of me and jumped out, with guns drawn, yelling "Drop the bag!"
Yea... "Oh shit" was right. Lost my buzz immediately.
I set her down nice and easy, just as one of them grabbed the bad and started to open it, all yankee like.
Well, being the nice guy I am, and the fact that I didn't want precious to get shot, I yelled, "You don't want to do that, there's a 13 foot long snake in there, and you just pissed her off!"
And of course..... she opened it. wasn't open for long though. I guess she didn't like snakes or something.
Well for reasons unknown to me yet, I was cuffed and stuffed, and Precious was tossed in the trunk.
We went down the road to the corner store where about 10 other cop cars were, and at least as many cops. Not to mention all the on lookers.
Well, we pull in there, and these bitches jump out of the car and yell...." Guess what we have in the trunk!" .... no shit. Every cop there came over to see Precious. A couple of those jerks even pulled her out of her bag and was screwing with the other sissy cops and teasing her.
I could have killed at this point.
Turns out the joint had just been robbed, and apparently, I was the prime suspect. Go figure.
So now the guy running the store comes out to identify the perpetrator, and he has two black eyes and a bloody nose and all. He looks at me, cuffed in the back of the cruiser, (I'm 5 foot 9, blond hair, blue eyes) and shakes his head yes, and walks back in.
I still didn't know what had happened, as the nice young female police officers that yanked me off the street hadn't told me yet.
So I'm thinking.... "what the fuck?"
Meanwhile, the dude that really robbed the freaking store was getting away, because the supper cops that nabbed me had there man now. With an ID!
ME!!
That's when they decided to tell me that I had just beat this dude up, and robbed his store. Not sure if Precious was ID'd as my accomplice or not at this point.
After some intense negotiations, (and some begging and pleading) I convinced the cops to bring the black eyed guy back out again. (This time he comes closer than 10 feet away) The cop shines the light in my face, and the dude goes,....... Wait for it..........."That's not him, the guy that robbed me was black". Yea... BLACK!!!
Nuthin against a black man,... but common.
So now the supervising officer comes and lets me out of the cruiser. Keep in mind that there are like two dozen rubberneckers there still.
It's now my time to shine.... right?
I let into his ass, and then told him that one of you assholes is going to give me a ride home now because now I'm late and I'm going to have to deal with my mother!!. He just stood there, smiled, and said nothing till I was done, and then quietly said to me... "Boy, if you don't get your ass out of here and take your snake with you, I going to arrest you for obstructing justice."
So I hung my head down low and walked away pissed off without a buzz, went home and smoked a huge hog leg just to calm down.
Geeze, now I gotta smoke one just to calm down from telling that story.
Got one better than that?
