Please save us from ourselves! Please, Big Brother (B.B.), where are you
when we need you?! Oh there you are! What's that? Your name is John
Ashcroft? Oh, OK, Attorney General Ashcroft. Well, Attorney General
Ashcroft, can we just call you B.B. for short? Cool, now what's the first
step toward a safer America? You know, one that will protect us from our own
decisions, focus on manipulative controlling law in place of educating the
public, and then letting the public make its own educated decision for
itself and take the consequences? No euthanasia? OK, what else?

Hey, let's focus on Bush's war on drugs. That's always a popular topic. Now
what could we do that would have a minimal cost, have the least amount of
chance for failure with the most success? That way, everyone would know that
B.B. is on the job? Columbian Cartels? Naw, we lost that one already. Crack
cocaine? Well, that doesn't make sense. Why would you want to fight the FBI?
Anyways, the public's already found out about that so, "hot potato."

Wait a minute ... GOT IT! We could go after those places that sell pipes and
bongs and functional glass art and stuff. We'll just do away with that pesky
residue rule and whammo, instant success! We already know where these "head
shops" are anyway as they're currently running as legal, registered,
taxpaying, law-abiding businesses. We could even give the operations cool
pot lingo like, um, Operation Headhunter or Operation Pipe Dreams. The
public will LOVE it!

All we have to do is change one tiny rule and then swoop in. The sooner the
better. The longer we wait, the longer they have time to either comply with
the law and or find new and creative ways around it. You know how inventive
those potheads can be. The next thing you know, the stores will be selling
pop cans that have certain dents and punctures in them as mobile, functional
art when we all know what they'll really be used for.

So we have to make the move on these stores and bust them now! What's that,
B.B.? How do I know about the pop cans? The lingo? Well, uh, college, but
that, wait! What are you doing? Arrest? Indictment?! But it was all years
ago, you know as well as everyone else that there's a time and a place for
everything, and it's called college! No, stop! Get away! I have my rights,
you know!? Rights protected by the Constitution of the United States of
America and ... what? Oh yeah ... we threw all that out the window when we
went after more power for the government to take away the private rights of
the individual under the guise of the war on terrorism, didn't we? Shit.

Pubdate: Fri, 28 Feb 2003
Source: Daily Vanguard (OR Edu)
Copyright: 2003, Daily Vanguard