I am a patient living in California, I do not know If I would be alive to write this story today but I have always felt like I needed too. Through-out my childhood I had always experienced rapid mood swings a time of great highs and a time of lows. Even as a small child around the age of seven or eight I remember wanting to end my life. While I never said any thing and If I did was not taken seriously and I never received help. Until I was about Sixteen when I really began smoking pot and saw the difference it made in my behavior. Along with my Bi-Polar Disorder I was just constantly mad at the world, for no reason other then trumped up thoughts fueled by my anxiety.
Later afterwards I did some research and came about with the diagnosis that I may be Bi-polar. I later told my parents and told them there was little information about Cannabis and MMJ but that I would like to get a card anyways and attempt to treat my symptoms that way. Surely enough instead they contacted there friendly family therapist who said that a lot of kids had been making this story up to try and get pot cards. She recommended I come in for an evaluation and so I did, not knowing what she had told my parents of course.
Two Months of Therapy went by, a hunt for a Shrink that would accept my insurance raged. The closest one was an hours drive and even then we weren't sure about the doctor. (Mind you I live in the bay area...)
I slipped into a dip depressive state like I did but this time it was fueled by the crashing and burning of hope for help. On a Wednesday afternoon I was going to go to my appointment like I always did, Talk for an hour like I always did, and then end my life a block over from the cliff 150 feet from the beach and parking area below. My Therapist knew something was wrong and had come to look for me after I left her office, she found me walking towards the cliff, teary eyed and all. At the time I had thought it was the true answer, I had thought that ending my life was truly the thing to do.
As you can tell, I did not end my life that day. I'm still alive and kicking, and I have a lot to say. After that I ended up in a hospital where I would be treated for a month, Most patients leaving after only three days. While in the hospital I tried over Thirty types of drugs, all with very Negative effects. When they believe to have me on a suitable cocktail my Kidneys started to act up (It wasn't because I was on seven medications, they would never do that). A month later I began having the shakes from my medication and slipped back into a deep depression, even with the drugs.
After that I was put into an IOP (Intensive out patient program) Where you come all day they do things with you and you go home at night. Anyways, Luckily for me they had recently merged the Mental Health Services with Drug Rehabilitation, So Smoking pot was still out of the question unless I wanted to drive three hours for another program...(Mind you I still did not have a psychiatrist and this was my only access to one). I was actively drug tested and told I would be removed from the program if a positive test was returned.
My Doctor at that program recommended "The Pot Book" to me when I asked him about Medical Marijauna. He had also just recommended Electro-Shock therapy to me and was happy to say the now offered it in the building...
I went out and got this book and by god it was the best decision of my life. The Knowledge packed into that one book about our plant is ridiculous. In my second read through I found a small section about how CBD was being linked to have the same effects as Mood Stabilizers and SSRI's. I said well shit, Im on Mood Stabilizers and SSRI's and THC is good for my anxiety, so lets try this. I started smoking pot again when I left the program, I instantly was off my Anti-Anxiety drugs (Which was a very good thing because I was developing an addiction to them, Along with my ambien that made me black out and take more.)
I now smoke about a gram a day and take three drops of a CBD tincture I buy at a local collective. My Symptoms are gone, the horrible Side effects I once felt are gone. If you are a person looking to get off your meds, Try Cannabis. Use CBD.
Later afterwards I did some research and came about with the diagnosis that I may be Bi-polar. I later told my parents and told them there was little information about Cannabis and MMJ but that I would like to get a card anyways and attempt to treat my symptoms that way. Surely enough instead they contacted there friendly family therapist who said that a lot of kids had been making this story up to try and get pot cards. She recommended I come in for an evaluation and so I did, not knowing what she had told my parents of course.
Two Months of Therapy went by, a hunt for a Shrink that would accept my insurance raged. The closest one was an hours drive and even then we weren't sure about the doctor. (Mind you I live in the bay area...)
I slipped into a dip depressive state like I did but this time it was fueled by the crashing and burning of hope for help. On a Wednesday afternoon I was going to go to my appointment like I always did, Talk for an hour like I always did, and then end my life a block over from the cliff 150 feet from the beach and parking area below. My Therapist knew something was wrong and had come to look for me after I left her office, she found me walking towards the cliff, teary eyed and all. At the time I had thought it was the true answer, I had thought that ending my life was truly the thing to do.
As you can tell, I did not end my life that day. I'm still alive and kicking, and I have a lot to say. After that I ended up in a hospital where I would be treated for a month, Most patients leaving after only three days. While in the hospital I tried over Thirty types of drugs, all with very Negative effects. When they believe to have me on a suitable cocktail my Kidneys started to act up (It wasn't because I was on seven medications, they would never do that). A month later I began having the shakes from my medication and slipped back into a deep depression, even with the drugs.
After that I was put into an IOP (Intensive out patient program) Where you come all day they do things with you and you go home at night. Anyways, Luckily for me they had recently merged the Mental Health Services with Drug Rehabilitation, So Smoking pot was still out of the question unless I wanted to drive three hours for another program...(Mind you I still did not have a psychiatrist and this was my only access to one). I was actively drug tested and told I would be removed from the program if a positive test was returned.
My Doctor at that program recommended "The Pot Book" to me when I asked him about Medical Marijauna. He had also just recommended Electro-Shock therapy to me and was happy to say the now offered it in the building...
I went out and got this book and by god it was the best decision of my life. The Knowledge packed into that one book about our plant is ridiculous. In my second read through I found a small section about how CBD was being linked to have the same effects as Mood Stabilizers and SSRI's. I said well shit, Im on Mood Stabilizers and SSRI's and THC is good for my anxiety, so lets try this. I started smoking pot again when I left the program, I instantly was off my Anti-Anxiety drugs (Which was a very good thing because I was developing an addiction to them, Along with my ambien that made me black out and take more.)
I now smoke about a gram a day and take three drops of a CBD tincture I buy at a local collective. My Symptoms are gone, the horrible Side effects I once felt are gone. If you are a person looking to get off your meds, Try Cannabis. Use CBD.
