Face your demons!

[Snuggs]

Ya know, I thought i would just take the time to sort of re-introduce myself...

Bare with me but I'm trying something new....

Well I guess I'll start with - Hi, my name is Pres....

Alright seriously! I'm a laid back kinda guy for the most part. A very firm believer of treating people exactly how they treat you and pointing it out when they claim it's a problem. I never make a final judgment on a person until I feel they judged me. I in no means have ever disrespected a person until I myself was disrespected. I try to leave the smallest footprint I can, cause frankly I do not want to be noticed.

I am constantly told and honestly know I am a very smart individual. My brain is very sharp when I am in a relaxed state. Sounds arrogant and believe me I do not mean it that way, but I often think of how I would be if I was a little bit stupider. I'm sure some of you know exactly what I mean without an explanation, but being smart brings too much baggage for someone like me.

I never could stand a liar but have recently been put into positions that have changed my policy slightly. There's always an appropriate time if used wisely. Consider it a mulligan per 18, choose wisely, and never lie to friends.

Being smart, I dabble in just about everything. Whatever I can afford to work on or whatever is currently pleasing my attention span. I am very proud to say that I am a self taught everything! I build computers, cars, toys and just a bunch of weird stuff along the way. You can do a whole lot with just a little.

Up until this point I am very pleased to be blessed with all of the above and feel that I would have come out to be a great guy.

Now I do have some (maybe a lot, but some are currently on my side) demons in my closet as well, but honestly who doesn't anymore. It's a sick world and we are all at her mercy.

Some of it's typical some isn't. Family, health, money & whatever decides to come along and try to bring me down.

I'm plagued with racing thoughts of every sort. The minute I see something my brain automatically computes all necessary information relative to the situation. This is a great thing but it plays both ways. If I'm relaxed... lookout cause I am quick, but if nervous I get flooded with defensive, negative thinking that just doesn't stop. To this date I have only found one thing that stops this....

Now my biggest demon I would like to try and clear up on here, would be my anxiety, nervousness, shyness or whatever you call it. Which also brings me into thanking everyone that contributes to make this the 420 Community that it is.

It's because of the community and honestly some mmj at her finest.... that this post is even here now. So thank you 420 Mag and thanks to all that have contributed to me directly.

Yes unfortunately side affects include rambling or frequent subject change.

Back to clearing up the nervous thing. This thing just consumes my every action and I'm hoping by posting this, it may help me along the way. It starts affecting me even just browsing someones thread. My heart will start racing, my breathing gets heavier, I'll sweat and then start to shake. Seriously I'm shaking right now. I often find myself hitting the reply button and then just sit there and type something then change it only just to give up and not post at all.

I can't even enjoy playing my consoles online, even though I don't have to talk or see them. It just consumes me.... Obviously you can do the math on how actual social occasions are for me as well. For some reason it takes me a very long time to get comfortable with someone or frankly just interaction to a degree. I honestly am still shy around my wife and I don't share meaningful to me things with her.

Some of you may have already noticed or maybe it's just me thinking stupid all the time, but either way I'll just throw it out there. I'm tired of things going the way they go so let's be different and see what comes of it.

When I find the sweet spot, good old mary jane blesses me with confidence thus allowing me to post this. In fact I have so much confidence right now I'll tell you a secret. I'll probably log off after I post this because when my confidence comes down, I will feel like a re-tard. Not a retard but a re-tard like the movie....

Anyhow call this a re-introduction or just some medication in progress, either way it's out there now...

I urge all of you to face your own Demons and reclaim the life that is rightfully yours. Maybe this will help me and maybe it won't, but at least I faced it and let it know it's gonna require some work to rot my soul.

Now with all that sad, I was thinking maybe some of you folks that have got to know me or heck anyone that's part of this community would like to help me come up with a proper name. Pres was just an abbreviation from a nick I used along time back. Unless it works, then so be it. Probably just side affects again....




Gosh, that button is very intimidating. I'm gonna do it.

 

[Spike69]

I like you Pres. now take away the nervousness,shyness and then you can
quit talking about me.lolbro I'm with ya

 

[CocoJoe]

I'm with Spike69, You are a good person!
Stay away from sativa doms.
Peace and luv brother.

 

[Spike69]

Well Pres now we have another journal to type in and type whatever
the Hell you want. [:^) and I need more lights.Yo CoCo

 

[ol hippy]

Welcome Pres to 420, we all have a demon or two to face or not. Feel free to ramble all you want it's your thread and were just your guest here ! I've done the same thing write what I think is a witty response than reread it and delete it ! More than once I can assure you !! Again welcome Pres and relax were all a little off here !! some more than others..

 

[cubnamy1995]

Man, can I ever relate. All through high school and college, I was painfully shy and though undiagnosed, I think I had severe social anxiety disorder. I always wanted to fly under the radar, terrified of being noticed. The fear was so intense, that I only went to one high school dance and puked 3 times while I was there. I do believe there is a direct connection between intelligence and social skills. Smart people have a very difficult time relating to others for fear of being ostracized, bullied, or judged unfairly.

Good news!! You can get past it. It's hard, no doubt, but you can do it, and confronting your demons is the way to do it. Nothing else can fix it but putting yourself out there. You'll soon realize that there are lots of people who will enjoy you for who you are. Be yourself and don't compromise a single thing. Weed also helps.

Most of the people I've encountered on this forum are very cool, nonjudgmental people who care about others and are very helpful. Sure, you get your share of aholes, just like in real life. But be comfortable, be yourself, and speak your mind without fear. If people don't get you, then so what?

Nice to meet you and glad you're here!

 

[Spike69]

I would say you faced your demons head on and now you have a great thread
with many folks who have come to say,were all different in many ways but
we have come together on our own to be part of something bigger than
any 1 of us.Pres many of us would not have opened ourselves up as you have and for that you are special and we all are in our own ways.

GOOD FOR YOU BRO AND MANY GOOD CONVERSATIONS COMING AND GREAT GROWING TOO

 

[bigjake]

Pres we ALL have demons (i could tell a hell of a story) but facing it or not
supressing it is the first step to getting over it.

I had a problem years ago with a Demon and was given a good quote
from a shrink .You can close the door but its never locked when it comes
to demons .

You sound a lot like me i do a lot of different things also ,Hell once before
computers i had to stop by a library to see how a copy machine worked.

I have to know how things work (weird I know) guess thats why i still
build race cars and fab stuff clears my head.

I bet you have trouble sleeping .I used to be real bad .I smoke before i
go to bed.
People are all different do not beat yourself up buddy .
You should feel good about doing this .And sometimes just writing what your thinking helps.

 

[ozric420]

Hello Pres, I had some of the same problems growing up,I was very shy in high school,didn't like being around groups of people,missed some great parties. ur not alone buddy,we all have demons,and a few issues that we all deal with everyday,my list is way to long to even begin to post,We here at 420 are one big family,we will laugh and cry together,we will always try to help in anyway we can,always remember WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES U STRONGER. Take care my friend.

 

[Snuggs]

I like you Pres. now take away the nervousness,shyness and then you can
quit talking about me.lolbro I'm with ya

Well Pres now we have another journal to type in and type whatever
the Hell you want. [:^) and I need more lights.Yo CoCo

I would say you faced your demons head on and now you have a great thread
with many folks who have come to say,were all different in many ways but
we have come together on our own to be part of something bigger than
any 1 of us.Pres many of us would not have opened ourselves up as you have and for that you are special and we all are in our own ways.

GOOD FOR YOU BRO AND MANY GOOD CONVERSATIONS COMING AND GREAT GROWING TOO

Somebody likes me... I'm special...

Like I said bud, maybe being different will bring different results. At least that's the plan. I just want to be myself and at minimal, be myself here.

I wasn't really looking forward to coming back to this thread, but it's not as bad as I thought it would be. So some progress maybe....

Thanks for the love Spike!

 

[Snuggs]

I'm with Spike69, You are a good person!
Stay away from sativa doms.
Peace and luv brother.

Thanks CocoJoe! It's much appreciated.

Question though. I've heard before the sativa's can mess with people in my situation, but does harvesting early for the best cerebral high simulate a sativa? If so were good to go because it slows my head down and puts me in a good mood and best of all at peace.

 

[Snuggs]

Welcome Pres to 420, we all have a demon or two to face or not. Feel free to ramble all you want it's your thread and were just your guest here ! I've done the same thing write what I think is a witty response than reread it and delete it ! More than once I can assure you !! Again welcome Pres and relax were all a little off here !! some more than others..

Thanks for the support ol hippy. I don't know what my issue is. Honestly I think I put everyone before me and don't want to burden anyone. The thoughts attack and I surrender. Relaxation is the goal my man!

 

[Spike69]

Hey Pres,I just gave your bud a 10 man you do some great growing,and
this is your thread and I am Proud to come in here chat with you and you
should post somebud pics in here.With ya buddy,keep positive like your growing is.

 

[Snuggs]

Man, can I ever relate. All through high school and college, I was painfully shy and though undiagnosed, I think I had severe social anxiety disorder. I always wanted to fly under the radar, terrified of being noticed. The fear was so intense, that I only went to one high school dance and puked 3 times while I was there. I do believe there is a direct connection between intelligence and social skills. Smart people have a very difficult time relating to others for fear of being ostracized, bullied, or judged unfairly.

Good news!! You can get past it. It's hard, no doubt, but you can do it, and confronting your demons is the way to do it. Nothing else can fix it but putting yourself out there. You'll soon realize that there are lots of people who will enjoy you for who you are. Be yourself and don't compromise a single thing. Weed also helps.

Most of the people I've encountered on this forum are very cool, nonjudgmental people who care about others and are very helpful. Sure, you get your share of aholes, just like in real life. But be comfortable, be yourself, and speak your mind without fear. If people don't get you, then so what?

Nice to meet you and glad you're here!

Sounds similar except there was no dances for me! I don't think it's a fear of being judged but more a fear of being judged incorrectly. I love facts and being judged wrong is not a fact. Fact's satisfy my head!

I am definitely on a quest to be myself and what better place than to start here. I agree there are a lot of good people on here and I would of been a lurker if it wasn't for some of those people. Heck even some of them will pretend to care at least.

Glad to meet you as well cubnamy1995 and thanks for the words! Also how are you now with socializing?

 

[Snuggs]

Hey Pres,I just gave your bud a 10 man you do some great growing,and
this is your thread and I am Proud to come in here chat with you and you
should post somebud pics in here.With ya buddy,keep positive like your growing is.

I saw that buddy. You were quick on that one! I was posting updates to my journal and it already had several views and your rating before I could even post.

Positive in positive out!

 

[Spike69]

Pres no 1 here is pretending to care,I would know by how they talk and so would you.Trust me-when I say Trust in yourself as much as we trust in you.
I would'nt go to dances either cause I could not dance,now a days i cant
dance but I give it a try and dont care what others think.We all care no bullshit.

 

[Snuggs]

Pres we ALL have demons (i could tell a hell of a story) but facing it or not
supressing it is the first step to getting over it.

I had a problem years ago with a Demon and was given a good quote
from a shrink .You can close the door but its never locked when it comes
to demons .

You sound a lot like me i do a lot of different things also ,Hell once before
computers i had to stop by a library to see how a copy machine worked.

I have to know how things work (weird I know) guess thats why i still
build race cars and fab stuff clears my head.

I bet you have trouble sleeping .I used to be real bad .I smoke before i
go to bed.
People are all different do not beat yourself up buddy .
You should feel good about doing this .And sometimes just writing what your thinking helps.

Thanks bigjake! I'm not so sure suppressing works as a cure. All my life I suppressed and quite honestly I feel suppressing it only fed the problem. I am a firm believer in fixing the issue rather then covering it up.

Sound like a very similar quote I once got as well.

Yeah, I tear apart everything! The more knowledge I can cram in there, the less room for bull crap.

Sleep is a major issue for me. Without smoke I can be up for days at a time and afterwords I can also sleep off a few days. Thankfully I haven't been dry in a while.

I'm starting to feel better or at least more comfortable with this as I'm responding, so all's not lost...

I'm assuming by you stating you had a problem, that all is well for you now! That's good to know and gives me hope that one day mine will be in the past as well.

 

[Snuggs]

Hello Pres, I had some of the same problems growing up,I was very shy in high school,didn't like being around groups of people,missed some great parties. ur not alone buddy,we all have demons,and a few issues that we all deal with everyday,my list is way to long to even begin to post,We here at 420 are one big family,we will laugh and cry together,we will always try to help in anyway we can,always remember WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES U STRONGER. Take care my friend.

Again the word had! Hope is around the corner.

I hear ya, my list is just stupid and it seems to get bigger as the years go by. Honestly I am very happy to part of this community and can only imagine it's only gonna get better as more distinguished members come out of the woodwork so to say.

Thanks for stopping in and sharing ozric420!

 

[Snuggs]

Pres no 1 here is pretending to care,I would know by how they talk and so would you.Trust me-when I say Trust in yourself as much as we trust in you.
I would'nt go to dances either cause I could not dance,now a days i cant
dance but I give it a try and dont care what others think.We all care no bullshit.

I don't mean here! When you look around you can spot it out. Another one of my problems, Very good at reading people. Probably comes with the territory.

Not caring would be the easiest fix, yet it seems so difficult.

Uh yeah, no dancing for me!

 

[bigjake]

I think i wrote it wrong.I wanted to say you are not supressing it
and thats a good thing.