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Finding Emotional Stability by Amy Johnston

Julie Gardener

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Finding Emotional Stability by Amy Johnston​

Marijuana changed my life, and much for the better. I am a successful, 27-year-old college graduate, and 9 credits short of a Master's in Health Education. My teenage years and early college years were marked by what I can only characterize as extreme emotional instability. It has been several years since I've taken a psychology class, so please forgive me for not being able to remember the more precise scientific explanation, but to put it simply, I was unable to control my "flight or fight" response to upsetting stimulus.

Simply walking down the street, thinking to myself, I would often stumble upon an embarrassing or upsetting thought, and I would immediately begin to relive the experience, with ten times greater negative intensity. By the time I would reach home, I would be sweaty, red, shaky, and often in tears of rage and frustration.

I was also easily overcome by stress. The load of tests and papers due in my sophomore year would have me on the phone to my mother in hysterics at least twice a week. I was a good student, and really, had nothing before me that I couldn't truly handle, and I knew it. But one little flicker of anxiety would roll like a snowball into an avalanche of
despair, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I am not what I would consider a hysterical woman. I have always been levelheaded and goal-oriented. I was simply unable stop minor emotional irritation from developing into full-blown episodes of emotional hysterics.

Between my sophomore and junior years, I began to smoke marijuana a couple times a week. That summer stands out as the time when I finally became myself. I was able to keep myself under control. I was able to stay positive and upbeat regardless of the stresses and situations before me. Actually, that summer should have been one of the worst: I was taking a full load of summer classes, very difficult classes, plus maintaining a job. I felt balanced and capable.

I didn't realize that it was the marijuana until it became in short supply later that year, and I was forced to abstain for a few months. Within weeks I was back to the old problems, acute anxiety, uncontrollable hysterics, and feeling of being out of control of my future. When I was finally able to smoke marijuana again, and that delicious calm came over me once again, I realized that I had found the most powerful medicine I have ever taken. Once again, I felt empowered and calm. Absolutely rational.

Since then, I have used marijuana several times a week. I have also found that I appreciate beauty much more, especially in nature. My sense of smell has improved steadily (sounds odd, but it has) to the point I can recognize people by their scent when they enter the building, long before I see or hear them.

I have experienced a greater oneness and ability to communicate with animals (I won't elaborate but that's very true too) and I feel there is a balance and serenity in my soul that did not exist before. I have felt intuitively the oneness of God and nature, and spirituality has pervaded my thoughts and feelings. I cannot imagine where I would be if I had not started smoking marijuana.

Please keep up the good work. There must be thousands out there like me that would benefit from the wonderful medicine.

Source: Comments and Observations
 
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