Well, I'm not really sure how to start this.
I guess I'll tell you about myself.
I'm 19 years old.
For the past 6 or so years I have fallen in to a deep depressive state.
Some people don't believe in depression, and I hope you are not one of them.. but if you are, I understand why you don't.
When I was 13 and first realized what I was feeling was 'depression', I had been sitting on my bed thinking to myself "Why am I here, I don't deserve to be".
I told my parents I wanted to commit suicide because I felt I was not worthy of breathing everyone's air.
I began seeing a therapist and was prescribed some pills (I honestly do not remember the name of them).
The first night I took these pills I woke up around 2am and was having problems breathing and started to have panic attacks which caused me to lay on the floor hyperventilating.
Since that day I have been completely against pills, and very afraid of them.
Now I know doctors are there to help, and I really respect them for this, but to create a pill that the first thing I read is "May increase risk of suicide"..
WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU GIVE THIS TO A 13 YEAR OLD WHO IS BATTLING DEPRESSION?
I quit seeing my therapist, I quit taking the pills, and I began doing research on my own.
My best friend, Cody, had been smoking since he was about 10 as he had an older sister (who was hot as fuck.. irrelevant but ya know) who was about 18 and provided him marijuana.
He never pressured me into smoking as I never knew what to think of it, in my mind the message "Drugs are bad" was drilled in.
Maybe it was just fear of my dad finding out because we didn't have the best relationship.
Well, one day I decided to try it and what do you know... it really was a life changing experience.
I have been smoking on and off since I was 13 and to say the least, it really has helped me through every single day of my life.
Every single day since I was 13 and was able to begin my day with a deep breath of smoke, I forced the thought in my head of "Everyday above ground is a good day".
Yes, this is a Scarface reference but it's the best way I could possibly explain it.
My self-esteem is incredibly low, and my depression is most definitely still living inside me, but marijuana really does help me through every day.
This is why I am deciding I'm ready to start growing my own, and I would love the chance to some day provide it to someone like myself to make sure their life isn't ended by something silly such as suicide.
So let me get to the point of writing all this bull shit..
I'm a 19 year old kid who has no goals in life and has no idea what in the fuck to do, but hey, what normal person my age does.. right? (hopefully)
Right now I work a shitty job fixing people's problems (to say the least), and it's beginning to drive me crazy.
For five days now I've stopped smoking to find myself a new job.
In this five days I've realized what marijuana really does for me.
It gives me an appetite and allows me to fill my stomach to a positive capacity, it allows me to force happy thoughts inside my own mind, and to say the least it kick starts my day in the right way.
For five days I have been sick after taking one bite of food, even if my stomach is absolutely killing me.
For five days I have been sick with my depression not allowing me to being social and acting.. "abnormal" (coming from two close friends).
Where I am located there isn't shit for jobs which just makes me feel even worse to be completely honest.
I want to find a place where I can get help for my issue and not have to be 100% sketched out because I smoke weed every single day and enjoy it although it is completely illegal.
No decriminalization where I live right now.
Where can I go to learn more about this medicine, to create this medicine, and to provide this medicine to people like myself?
I am dedicated to this, and I am saving my money for this.
I'm ready to escape the world I currently live in, and jump into the world I know I belong in.
My budget is tight to be honest, but it really is my goal to get help for myself and provide it to others, so any recommendations are greatly appreciated.
And to anyone of you who actually read through this entire post, I do thank you from the bottom of my heart.
tldr; where in the fuck is a good place to live that I can get my cannabis card, begin growing, and provide for people in the mental state of depression that I have been in, and am currently in? Also if you have any idea of a place that matches this and has a fair amount of jobs, even if its minimum wage, I would greatly appreciate the response once again.
If it's the wrong section for this type of thing, my apologies, please just let me know I'll remove it or get it in the correct place
I guess I'll tell you about myself.
I'm 19 years old.
For the past 6 or so years I have fallen in to a deep depressive state.
Some people don't believe in depression, and I hope you are not one of them.. but if you are, I understand why you don't.
When I was 13 and first realized what I was feeling was 'depression', I had been sitting on my bed thinking to myself "Why am I here, I don't deserve to be".
I told my parents I wanted to commit suicide because I felt I was not worthy of breathing everyone's air.
I began seeing a therapist and was prescribed some pills (I honestly do not remember the name of them).
The first night I took these pills I woke up around 2am and was having problems breathing and started to have panic attacks which caused me to lay on the floor hyperventilating.
Since that day I have been completely against pills, and very afraid of them.
Now I know doctors are there to help, and I really respect them for this, but to create a pill that the first thing I read is "May increase risk of suicide"..
WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU GIVE THIS TO A 13 YEAR OLD WHO IS BATTLING DEPRESSION?
I quit seeing my therapist, I quit taking the pills, and I began doing research on my own.
My best friend, Cody, had been smoking since he was about 10 as he had an older sister (who was hot as fuck.. irrelevant but ya know) who was about 18 and provided him marijuana.
He never pressured me into smoking as I never knew what to think of it, in my mind the message "Drugs are bad" was drilled in.
Maybe it was just fear of my dad finding out because we didn't have the best relationship.
Well, one day I decided to try it and what do you know... it really was a life changing experience.
I have been smoking on and off since I was 13 and to say the least, it really has helped me through every single day of my life.
Every single day since I was 13 and was able to begin my day with a deep breath of smoke, I forced the thought in my head of "Everyday above ground is a good day".
Yes, this is a Scarface reference but it's the best way I could possibly explain it.
My self-esteem is incredibly low, and my depression is most definitely still living inside me, but marijuana really does help me through every day.
This is why I am deciding I'm ready to start growing my own, and I would love the chance to some day provide it to someone like myself to make sure their life isn't ended by something silly such as suicide.
So let me get to the point of writing all this bull shit..
I'm a 19 year old kid who has no goals in life and has no idea what in the fuck to do, but hey, what normal person my age does.. right? (hopefully)
Right now I work a shitty job fixing people's problems (to say the least), and it's beginning to drive me crazy.
For five days now I've stopped smoking to find myself a new job.
In this five days I've realized what marijuana really does for me.
It gives me an appetite and allows me to fill my stomach to a positive capacity, it allows me to force happy thoughts inside my own mind, and to say the least it kick starts my day in the right way.
For five days I have been sick after taking one bite of food, even if my stomach is absolutely killing me.
For five days I have been sick with my depression not allowing me to being social and acting.. "abnormal" (coming from two close friends).
Where I am located there isn't shit for jobs which just makes me feel even worse to be completely honest.
I want to find a place where I can get help for my issue and not have to be 100% sketched out because I smoke weed every single day and enjoy it although it is completely illegal.
No decriminalization where I live right now.
Where can I go to learn more about this medicine, to create this medicine, and to provide this medicine to people like myself?
I am dedicated to this, and I am saving my money for this.
I'm ready to escape the world I currently live in, and jump into the world I know I belong in.
My budget is tight to be honest, but it really is my goal to get help for myself and provide it to others, so any recommendations are greatly appreciated.
And to anyone of you who actually read through this entire post, I do thank you from the bottom of my heart.
tldr; where in the fuck is a good place to live that I can get my cannabis card, begin growing, and provide for people in the mental state of depression that I have been in, and am currently in? Also if you have any idea of a place that matches this and has a fair amount of jobs, even if its minimum wage, I would greatly appreciate the response once again.
If it's the wrong section for this type of thing, my apologies, please just let me know I'll remove it or get it in the correct place