flipflopgirl
New Member
Hey everyone, glad I found this website. I've been struggling for several years now since rediscovering the single "thing" that has made a truely positive contribution to my life.... and that's smokin'.
I am naive at best because I read terminology in these forums that I truly do not understand. I am from the "old school" days of smokin a few high times in high school and then didn't touch the stuff for 10 years and started back after I didn't have to maintain a clear system for employment.
I've been smoking pretty much on a daily basis for about 5 years now and what broguht me to smoking was severe depression and panic and anxiety. At first I thought it was the weed, making me depressed and sick, but after really taking inventory of my life, I've been suffering from chronic depression and panic disorders since the age of 12. What 12 year old attempts suicide? It was at the age of 12 I found this little bag of weird smelling stuff in my dad's tool box. He was a cop at the time so he told me to stay out of the tool shed because he may have important cop things there - so that's the first place I looked.
My first experience smoking.... was as if I was a born smoker. I had never seen it, have never seen anyone roll it or smoke it and yet I instinctively knew how to roll me one. I smoked it... big deal... and didn't really go back to it until high school.... and then later after I was "officially" diagnosed with chronic depression, panic disorder, agoraphobia..... oh yeah... and a raving case of HepC.
I tried to go through some chemo treatments for the HepC and the smoke really helped out through that experience. I feel it was the chemo drugs that really affected my anxiety and depression (they said they would) and its been over a year and I am still screwed up from the effects of chemo.
I've stuggled in my attempts to make my quality of life a bit better. I am torn between DRs who have given me about 5 bottles worth of prescriptions, that terrify me to take.... and that first morning smoke and a cup of coffee that simply makes it easier for me to feel perfectly normal in my own skin. I want to tell my DRS..... but how do you do that?
I know I need to keep my DR team on hand to let me know exactly what is going on with my liver scientifically - but I am planning a new recovery, alternatives to chemo and going to lean heavily on smoke because I know it works - I just want to be relieved of the guilt that comes with it.
My family knows I smoke, we are open and very honest about it. I don't hide it from my teenager or my husband.
I hope I can find some acceptance here too ... where I can talk openly about it. I have a long battle of healing in front of me... and DRs won't listen, and I can't afford the chemo....
I feel for the first time... like I actually have a chance at a good quality of life... once the cloud of guilt is gone... so what... I SMOKE... big deal.
Hope to make some friends... get some good advice.
Flipflopgirl
I am naive at best because I read terminology in these forums that I truly do not understand. I am from the "old school" days of smokin a few high times in high school and then didn't touch the stuff for 10 years and started back after I didn't have to maintain a clear system for employment.
I've been smoking pretty much on a daily basis for about 5 years now and what broguht me to smoking was severe depression and panic and anxiety. At first I thought it was the weed, making me depressed and sick, but after really taking inventory of my life, I've been suffering from chronic depression and panic disorders since the age of 12. What 12 year old attempts suicide? It was at the age of 12 I found this little bag of weird smelling stuff in my dad's tool box. He was a cop at the time so he told me to stay out of the tool shed because he may have important cop things there - so that's the first place I looked.
My first experience smoking.... was as if I was a born smoker. I had never seen it, have never seen anyone roll it or smoke it and yet I instinctively knew how to roll me one. I smoked it... big deal... and didn't really go back to it until high school.... and then later after I was "officially" diagnosed with chronic depression, panic disorder, agoraphobia..... oh yeah... and a raving case of HepC.
I tried to go through some chemo treatments for the HepC and the smoke really helped out through that experience. I feel it was the chemo drugs that really affected my anxiety and depression (they said they would) and its been over a year and I am still screwed up from the effects of chemo.
I've stuggled in my attempts to make my quality of life a bit better. I am torn between DRs who have given me about 5 bottles worth of prescriptions, that terrify me to take.... and that first morning smoke and a cup of coffee that simply makes it easier for me to feel perfectly normal in my own skin. I want to tell my DRS..... but how do you do that?
I know I need to keep my DR team on hand to let me know exactly what is going on with my liver scientifically - but I am planning a new recovery, alternatives to chemo and going to lean heavily on smoke because I know it works - I just want to be relieved of the guilt that comes with it.
My family knows I smoke, we are open and very honest about it. I don't hide it from my teenager or my husband.
I hope I can find some acceptance here too ... where I can talk openly about it. I have a long battle of healing in front of me... and DRs won't listen, and I can't afford the chemo....
I feel for the first time... like I actually have a chance at a good quality of life... once the cloud of guilt is gone... so what... I SMOKE... big deal.
Hope to make some friends... get some good advice.
Flipflopgirl
i found myself going through withdrawl if i couldn't sign on!!! we are all like an extended family and i hope you will feel the same. i hope you find the right doctor the treat you, that is very important with all medical issues to be honest. if your doctor doesn't understand then find a new one that will. good luck
this forum is fun, informative and friendly
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