Smoke in the face

[Mello136]

I was smoking with a few people I recently met. We'll call them aspiring rappers. They are a about a decade younger than me and the language is totally different from when I was that age. Anyway, to the point, we were all smoking in the studio (I'm a recording engineer as a hobby) and the one that I've known longer than the rest keeps toking and blowing the smoke directly at me when I'm not facing him. I ignore the behavior but it doesn't stop. When I was growing up that was a way of saying "you's a BITC#". I'm assuming this is still relevant. He comes to the house often to record and most of his lyrics feel directed towards me. Comments about color (i'm Hispanic but pass as a "white boy"), about currently sleeping with my wife and how she is telling him that she likes the BBC and not the white d%^$, amongst other things like she is sleeping with others behind my back and how he and his crew plan on taking everything from this nameless person.. I trust my wife and feel this isn't happening, though it does make my brain go haywire when I think about it and I try to piece things together to make it make sense. None is explicitly saying me but the words feel extremely relevant. Back to the smoke in the face, I felt that it confirms his words. Very disrespectful IMO. He won't behave this way or say this stuff to me but around me with his group and I will be excluded from every and all conversation at the moment. When it's just him and I or a us both with my group his behavior is completely different. Should I be worried about this persons or is it just me being paranoid and over thinking this?

 

[JuanCarlos]

Man that's a tough one. It really all depends on how you want to take it. First thing I would personally do is talk to him man to man when we were alone. Let him know that's not cool. If he continues I wouldn't chill with him anymore. The lyrics, maybe there is something to it, maybe there isn't. If you feel like things may be happening there is no harm in using cameras or audio recording equipment to gather evidence. Whether the evidence proves him wrong or right, it will bring you peace of mind. That's how I would look at it.

 

[Mello136]

I'm listening....

 

[JuanCarlos]

Time to get sneaky. Run surveillance. With IP cameras and all the spy gear out there it shouldn't be hard. But before I went that far I would take a step back and think if there is even the opportunity for these things to be true. Does your wife have time to be alone with these people doing the things they say she is doing? Check the feasibility first. If there is a chance that this is happening, then it's likely a small window of time like when you are at work that you have to be concerned with. An IP camera that monitors the entrance/exit one would use to leave or enter the home would be a good start.

While some may think this is crazy, I have been on the receiving end of a cheating female, so I know what it's like to be in that position and beyond Mello. You can't really call the rapper out because he will just say that it's not about you and that you are tripping. It could be like a lot of rap and just made up fairy tales. Or it could be true. It's already unsettled your conscience and I think that the only way to set it right is to deal with the problem with the guy, start running surveillance and find out the truth.

 

[Mello136]

I'm not worried about the wife all. What I'm more concerned about is bringing in these people and their mindset into my home. Is he purposefully doing this to get on my nerves, blowing smoke into my face and then act all nonchalant about it. There is money involved and I'm being paid for the job but is it all really worth it? It has unsettled my mind, your right about that. They live in the neighborhood and there was a time I was working a lot of hours. Things seemed strange but I felt mostly that it was the time away and how unhappy I was at that job. One thing I did notice that completely blindsided me, was that my normally protective pit was uber friendly with him and his group. I mean like I know you type friendly. Again, maybe me overthinking, my mind does that a lot.

 

[JuanCarlos]

Well if you aren't worried about the wife at all then nix that. If that's the case then I would tell him "Look, I ain't fucking with you no more. Find somewhere else." and leave it at that. No amount of money is worth allowing a man to come into your home and disrespect you.

 

[fanleaf]

Myself, I'm slightly more confrontational when things like that happen. If he acts decent when it's just you 2 but very disrespectful when his people are around you can bet shit is being said behind your back and what he's doing is making you his bitch in front of people to make himself feel good. This is behavior I am known to not tolerate very well at all. The thing to keep in mind is that when his people are around him he's more likely to react to you not letting him treat you like that because "A" you are outnumbered and "B" he wants to keep that image with his people. At the same time, myself that is exactly when I would make it clear that it won't happen anymore.

Just tell him you do what you do as a hobby not as a need and the passive aggressive disrespect needs to stop or they need to record elsewhere. I would also lie just a bit and tell a story about your wife. Tell them before she met you that she was only interested in black guys in the past but not so much anymore because she learned that you are half horse.....from the waist down.

The way to disrespect them as a group is simply to wait until they are there and the first sign of disrespect tell them all that they need to leave for 2 reasons. You don't need smoke blown in your face because your not their bitch and because your wife just texted you to go to the bedroom anyways.

 

[Mello136]

I am also confrontational and intolerant of such behaviors. I usually react inappropriately. Hence the thread, I wanted to get other takes before I finally came to a conclusion. Thanks guys, I'm still listening....

 

[Bearded Budz]

By the sounds of it your a talented and creative guy, this puts a bulls eye on your back man! All this is is straight up HATER, and the worlds full of em, and all they know how to do is HATE and be toxic in an Attempt to bring you down! ANY emotional response or response of any kind show s em that they ARE getting under your skin and that's the most they can hope for (sad but when you have a toxic personality your never happy for others). I straight up cut those people out of my life, no matter who they are, even family! I personally spent so much of my time ( time I could be using to better/hone my skills) thinking about WHY and trying to justify THEIR ignorant behaviour meanwhile stifling my creative processes, letting them win!
Dude if you trust your old lady, and it sounds like you absolutly do, don't even give that sh!t a second thought. If you really want to see a haters true colors show em HOW happy you are and HOW much your better then gossiping, pot stiring wanna be s..... They can't stand it seeing someone happy, successful and constantly enhancing and bettering themselves!
The "smoke being blown in your face infront of friends" hit home with me and that's why I had to respond..... Same thing happened to me man, I just got up walked over to Hater Mc Gee and whispered in his ear that I d embarrass him VERY QUICKLY infront of his little minions if he didn't smarten the f@%k up... Not angrily with no emotion then just got back to my thing like nothing happened. Still more then he deserved from me and I kicked myself for giving him a chance after that... Now I just don't even bother with the negativity and it's probably the most rewarding self powering decision I ve ever made! Good luck bro, I hope I didn't ramble on too much and waste your time.

 

[Weaselcracker]

If a toxic personality is what you're dealing with then... The last post from BB rings true with me as well. I got my life entangled with a toxic person, and after 20 years of dealing with them, have come to this conclusion. Give them nothing. When they feed me shit I don't bite. Years and years of taking it on and racking my brains over why and how this person could act the way they do. The whole time I was feeding their messed up needs and bringing myself down. It's very empowering to take their wind out of your sails by just not taking it on. It's also very hard to do. They're just trying to control you and they want attention.

 

[odinsmaster]

I like to confront people when there is no one else around. It will show you what he is about real quick. If he says it's cool and he does it again, slap the shit out of him.

 

[Weaselcracker]

It's true that bullies don't stand up well to being stood up to, and a well placed smack may work wonders. In the other hand sometimes an attack can just get you even more intimately mixed up in their shit, which is why we have wars. In my case a well placed smack was just going to get in much much deeper with a person I wanted out of my life. Whichever way you go you 100% definitely have to stand up to them, but there are many different ways to stand your ground. One way is to just not take them on, mentally or physically. This is easier to do if they don't have any leverage or power over your life. If you're doing it for $, hopefully it's a lot, because life is too short.

 

[Kriaze]

Wow Mello I understand what you meant when you mentioned this thread. I really don't know what to say as the neanderthal side of me and my explosive temper would already have had that guy out of my life and into the hospital, but things are never so clean cut as they seem and there is more than just a small and often short lived personal victory at stake here.

This is what I would do if I was in a sober state of mind.

First of all have you discussed this with your wife? If you have the feeling that something may have gone on (I get the feeling that you want to trust her implicitly yet have a nagging doubt) you should clear this up with your wife. It could cause an argument but some things need to be addressed, if she cannot give you a straight answer and put your mind at rest or is evasive in anyway I would do what JuanCarlos suggests and get some form of surveillance. No one person is worth the ruination of another person's life no matter who they are, so if this is causing you pain and stress it needs to be fixed asap. Once any possible issues at home have been taken care of then you can move on to dealing with this guy and there are two approaches that you could take (well three if you include the violence but again I reiterate that it would only be a short lived victory either due to possible recriminations or by the law getting involved).

Firstly explain to the fella that you dislike his attitude towards you and that it has to stop. End of, no ifs or buts, it has to stop. Realistically you have no right to ask him to change his lyrics, they are personal to him and whoever else wrote them. Some people just like to rap smack for rapping smack's sake, it kind of goes with the whole perception of the industry. But that still does not give him the right to blow smoke in your face whether it's a form of attack (the guy must be pretty damn weak if that's how he shows his alpha male side, sounds like a b*tch to me already), or whether he's just trying to get you stoned. If you're uncomfortable with it then it has to stop, and once your fears have been calmed by your wife (hopefully this would be the case, and if not then at least you know exactly where you stand) there will be no more problems so long as he doesn't try to demean you in any way shape or form.

Secondly if none of the above work, or if the chat with the wife goes wrong then I would suggest getting him out of your life. They cannot force you to work for them and your life is of too high a value to be putting it through the grinder for petty meaningless shit such as this. Refuse their work and move on to a better group of people to work with, cut them out dead and lose their negativity. I really hope that you can sort this out one way or the other. If they give you any problems you can involve the Police or maybe a close confidante that is prepared to stand by you. You also have the right to defend yourself in the U.S as far as I am aware so if they try to force entry into your home I would suggest that you use it. Just be sure to call the Police first if at all possible to mitigate the circumstances.

Sorry if I'm not much help, I'm just another person that can relate to how you feel and these would be my ideas of how to rectify the situation. If anything is unclear then apologies but my fingers were racing across the keyboard in time with my heart as I felt your pain. Don't overthink the situation, just sort it through logically and I'm sure it will all work out in the end. It could just be a complete misunderstanding, but without some form of confrontation with this guy or surveillance in your wife's case there will be no resolution.

We have a very simple saying where I'm from and it's, "better out than in", once it's all out it can be resolved, otherwise it will fester inside you and spoil what should be happy times.

Sending some good karma your way and I hope you resolve the matter ASAP. All the best