thanks so much sphnx... that's really kind of you to say.. I'm glad you got out. I'm sure I'll figure something out... (I hope) ...at this point I'm just sad to leave the dogs behind. I'm sure at some point without me to rage at he'll take it out on them. and I raised them. And know them and love them inside out. The thought of not having them around is extremely sad to me. I'm already accepting that my plants that survived probably won't last long. But leaving my year old puppies.. that's hard to think of..
Hahaha that was sweet marz, thank you. first momentary smile all day.. it sucks... but life will go on.. and hopefully will get better. And maybe I'll still see the dogs every once in a while.... ugh gonna make myself cry again..
thank you toker you're too kind, it is looking like I can't live and grow here anymore.. but the second I find a place to grow again, you bet that's what I'll be doing..Sorry that sucks. Really sounds like you need to get out on your own. I'll miss your awesome journal postings, and hope you return soon.
oh these dogs would go anywhere with me and love it.. they just like being together.
that was an awesome response Sphnx.. thank you.. haha.. maybe Cali wouldn't be so bad... there's mountains there too after all. Just not as tall
I'm a lot more calm now without him around... and may he stay in the hospital for weeks..
I will try to be pure... but I don't think anger is pure and I'm still pretty angry.. its just more under control.. thanks so much for the encouraging words.. they really do mean a lot. everyone here has been so supportive to me, I cant say how much that's helped me get through the day.. this has been the nastiest day with my dad for a long while, and until now I thought he was getting more under control. I always think that.
today it was 81, now its 70 somethin... Beautiful.
you know a great place to meditate...flagstaff mountain, boulder, CO. My friends and I found an amazing place up there looking down on boulder valley for half of your view, the other half looking up along the northern range of mountains, there's a rock we call crown rock because it is shaped like a crown or bowl with spikes that we climb up, sit on the spikes, smoke and meditate on. I might have a picture of it somewhere... maybe...It's not as cold here either
Anger is one of the purest emotions someone can feel. Just try to hold onto your real self. You have an amazing personality, we can all see it on here. Always so positive and what not. It hurts all of us, reading what we did.
Do you ever meditate? I personally will smoke an ungodly amount of a Sativa and just sit in a park or on a top of a mountain, and just meditate. I can COMPLETELY lose myself and sometimes if I'm lucky I can astroproject myself if the time is right. No kidding... Broke a bong in my room and woke my girlfriend up one time and I was in the backyard next to the fire. It was awesome lol things like that, give me hope that in this life I will experience things that are more beautiful than the ugliness I was forced to go through.
Sometimes it just takes an enlightened outlook to realize things in life. Whether it be sitting down and meditating, or smoking a ton of bud, or both. It's always good to leave your body once in a while. It's an incredible humbling experience
