Pot makes me feel kinda crazy


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I used to smoke loads in my youth, and I was fine. Now it makes me feel kinda crazy.

Fucking hell... I've used drugs and/or alcohol all my life, and it's hard to let them go. Pretty much my whole existence has been one non-stop epic fail. Crazy mother, absent father, sister in care, homelessness, relationship problems, depression, lower-than-low self-esteem, crap jobs, stupid decisions, heartache, self-loathing... and, of course, I've muddled through it all in a haze of drink and drugs. It didn't matter how shit life was, because I had drugs, and drugs were good. Ecstasy, speed, cocaine, acid, pot, more kinds of research chemicals than I can remember, butane, nutmeg... even cough syrup, one particularly tragic new year's eve. Whatever was wrong in the world, drugs were there to take the edge off it for me.

I became unwell a few years ago though, lost my mind pretty badly in fact, and went into hospital for a while. Ever since then, drugs have been more of a struggle for me. I feel slightly unhinged at the best of times, and any drug, including weed, might push me towards madness.

So, drugs are quite uncomfortable for me now... but my brain *itches* for something, near enough every day. Most of the past year, I've stuck to moderate drinking. Alcohol doesn't mess with my head as much as drugs do. I've gained weight though, and I feel unhealthy when I drink. I also just don't enjoy it as much as I used to. That's why I've switched back to smoking weed again the past couple of months. Smoking weed, I feel physically healthier, but I feel mentally less healthy. I still feel stoned, which I always enjoyed, but now it's mixed with a bit of madness and paranoia.

I guess I've got to learn that all drugs and alcohol make me feel a bit unwell these days... but, man, that itch. How do you deal with that? A couple of days' sobriety, and I'm itching for a joint or a beer. Often, I don't even enjoy it very much, but I can't stop that itch.

I hadn't had a joint for a couple of days today, but, when I got a bag, I waited a couple of hours before skinning up. In the past, I would have been straight in there, but today I was apprehensive. I'm always apprehensive these days. Right enough, soon after I lit it up, I felt slightly crazy.

I wonder if I'll ever pack it all in...
I understand. I crave pot, but I don't like the side effects. They can interfere with my life if I let them.

Sounds like you might be smoking sativa? From what I understand, it's more likely to make you feel that jittery paranoia than indica does. Consider smoking only indica for a more mellow "body" high.

I kind of liked the sativa high, but I haven't had any since high school (many years ago), so I may not be remembering the worst parts of it. LOL
I don't know what it is I've got now. Just a bag of weed off a guy.

I've got couple of pure indica plants flowering in the cupboard, and now a pure sativa seedling on the go too. I haven't grown before. Half of me thinks this might be the best thing ever. The other half of me thinks, what the hell am I doing?

Whatever happens, I don't ever want to go to hospital again. That was a nightmare.
I'm sensitive to everything these days. Even a couple of beers can play tricks with me.

Maybe weed will prove to be the lesser of all evils. (I'd love to take speed on a regular basis, but I can't handle it at all now. That didn't stop me trying for a year or two.)

Deep down, I think I'll probably have to quit it all one of these days. It's daunting to contemplate a life without drugs...
change is daunting but the life lived has got you where you are today, so don't think it was wasted. It's alright to grow out of things and into new ones, doesn't take the enjoyment away that was once had but no need to continue something that no longer gives the same.. and the feeling (if you have it) of those years you could have been doing what your now into, forget it, it wasn't for that time in your life, it's now..
I'm a little rueful about the past. Not regretful. I should have made better choices, but it's understandable my life went this way.

There's part of the problem. I still don't know what I'm into. I've got lots of interests, but no real passions. Everything just feels like a way to pass the time.

Here's something. Can you believe I've been going into schools this past year, to share my experiences of drink and drugs? A cautionary tale. Drugs are bad, mmmkay? And now here I am, smoking weed again, and even growing it. (There's an example of how I piss on anything good.) I haven't been into a school since smoking weed again. Naturally, I will feel like a fraud if I do, but I'll be open about whatever I do.

Going into schools got me thinking of going back to college, getting a basic teaching qualification. I actually enrolled for a course. ...But I never turned up for it. I smoked weed instead, left my phone off, stopped going out, and told myseld I wasn't cut out for something like teaching.

What a twat.
Getting mashed is a twety-year habit. I've already toned it down massively. Rome wasn't built in a day. Maybe I'll just grow these plants before I let it go for good...
I think I was talking to myself mate, lol.. my problem with getting into new shit is, if I did this the last twenty years, I would be now where I want to be with it. I dont want to learn how to play the guitar but I want to be able to play it. I think that's ego that I might need a look at :rofl:..
Ha, I didn't do *this* the past twenty years. Weed has been on and off. Sometimes it was alcohol, sometimes it was other stuff. It's just always been *something*.

I drank my way through college and some uni. I've thought about it a lot, but I'm not motivated to finish uni. (I completed two years.) I'm not motivated to do much at all. Anything I do, it feels like I'm just going through the motions. It's felt like that since I was a kid. But it's not just drugs. I'm not motivated when I'm sober either. Actually, sometimes it seems like only the thought of the next drink or drug gets me through the day. Sad way to feel in life, but it's true.

I've been more turned off from drugs since being with my girlfriend, who is a lot more sensible than I am. My alcoholic ex died a few months back. That was shocking. The thought of it puts me off alcohol, and I've withdrawn from old drinking buddies. Nonetheless, the prospect of sobriety is... fucking stark.

Things to talk about to the psychologist tomorrow.
The first step is the hardest mate, talking to a Psychologist will be a big help (hopefully), they can help you understand the mechanics of addiction. I started self medicating with alcohol after my accident, I was dealing with pain and PTSD, drinking to blackout wasn't uncommon. I didn't realise I was doing it. Seeing a Psychologist helped me crack open my own head. I stopped drinking and haven't drank since. Weed really helps with both pain and PTSD, unfortunately supply is an issue where I live, so I have decided to grow my own.
Hopefully you will get yourself in a better headspace and I wish you all the best dude.
That first session was good, thanks. Ten minutes in, I thought it wasn't for me, but now I've seen it through, I'll definitely go back. I was expecting a psychologist, but it turned out to be a counsellor. It was good anyway.

My ex suffered from PTSD. Terrible thing. I'm glad you've found something that works for that.
Thats really great to hear. Sometimes just telling someone the whole story, with no judgement, can be a really powerful and positive experience. Keep on this path, you will get yourself in a better place.
I see a great Physio, she gets me in as good a shape as possible, I would be unable to do much without her help. She has arranged fitness programs, hydrotherapy and even acupuncture which has helped me no end. I have a great Doctor too, my first treating Doctor threw a huge amount of Opiates at me, which was great straight after the accident, but now I am dependant on them. I hate them, but the worst are the Psych meds, they have a host of side effects, really nasty ones, I gained about 55lbs, I have lost my memory and so much more.
This is why I have decided to grow my own meds, I can't go on like this, I have a wife and 3 kids who need a Father, not a fat blundering mess who can't string a sentence together. I know Cannabis has its own issues, but they are nothing compared to the medications the Doctors give out.
I would suggest having a go at growing, its a great thing to have a go at. Look for a 1-1 THC - CBD strain, the CBD will have a very calming and soothing effect, which will help you no end.
About psych meds... I'm convinced they're just a massive, money-spinning scam. Psych meds are horrible. At best, a chemical cosh. An injection I once had turned me into a shuffling zombie for a month. I didn't feel any better! I was just stiff as hell and weirdly uncomfortable all the time. What good is that? So, yeah, I'd rather take my chances with a joint.
Thanks for sharing this story of your life journey. I hope all goes well for you.

What I have discovered is that cannabis works far better when taken alone - no alcohol, no other drugs.

I would recommend a high cbd / low thc indica or hybrid. Take it in very small doses and every couple of hours. One puff on a joint to start or a very tiny piece in a pipe.

Do you ingest a lot of sugar and/or caffeine? If yes, that could be the cause of that itch.
Thank you, Oldbear, and everyone else, for taking the time to read and comment. You prompted me to pick up some decaf teabags today! I'm not a caffeine fiend - I'm fine with decaf - and I don't usually consume too much sugar... but my diet has been very poor during this past year.

I'm only just learning how to moderate. Not even learning - it seems to be coming naturally somehow. I've always used drugs compulsively, but I hesitate now, and I spend more of my time sober than ever before. I don't even want to get stoned/drunk/wired all day long any more. When I'm hurting, I'm more inclined to just sit with it and have faith it will pass.

The first seed I've grown, it said on the packet that it was pure indica, but I think I read somewhere else this strain is 70/30. Either way, I've got an indica-heavy strain on the go there.

I haven't smoked all week. The last stuff I bought was garbage (again), so I decided to wait for my own harvest.

Yes... everything in moderation.
It's definitely sativa I have a problem with. I just smoked my first joint in a couple of weeks, and it feels pretty bleak. It's put my head in a bad place, and it isn't what I'm looking for in a joint.

I'm stoned, for sure, but there's none of the heavy-eyedness I associate with being stoned. (I grew up on polm, an indica resin.) This stonedness feels less natural somehow. Probably because it actually feels more like a spice high than smoking resin.

I can see why this is the kind of weed that causes and excaserbates mental health problems. I went pretty crazy smoking spice, and this feels just like it. Anyone else who's slightly mental like me probably wants to stick to indica.
Pretty common for those who quit 20-30 years ago and start now to react negatively. Hydro is much different from wild/homegrown, strains are much different also.. I was affected similarly, just not as strongly. I can't handle large doses.

Pot can cause psychosis....nothing new about that. Ironically it can sometimes treat it. Depends on the person or illness I suppose.

I've been using mj for last 6 years for PTSD. Very low dose (60g/year) all edibles...I don't smoke. I use indica as suggested by my doc. Treats my anxiety and insomnia. It keeps me sane most of the time without the drastic side effects u get from big pharma.

Not a cure. I still occasionally have bouts of anger paranoia anxiety nightmares. But definitely happens less frequent now and not as strongly. Easier to manage.

I also quit drinking and cigarettes this year which has helped a lot.

I haven't tried a sativa but now I'm curious.
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