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Grow To Heal Me - Perpetual Journal - Lady Growing Ladies - Never Giving Up
- Thread starter Lady G2HM
- Start date
- Thread starter
- #122
Wow. That was a great week of post Arya HopeI love the new format, it is a good read and very captivating. I wish I was around more but you know....
I was kinda busy. Good for you for driving stick, I used to frown on people drove standard. Until l got my big mud YJ and realized all bug muscle cars need to be stick or its just a waste. (inside joke... How about An Automatic Jeep? "That's A Pussy Jeep" lol now they drive a fiat) I would never go back to automatic, it takes the fun out of driving. That's my 2 cents....
As always my dear I'm Inspired and intrigued greatly by you and your fantastic voyage to recovering yourself. God bless you and you're hubby, sounds like he had a heroing week aswell.
KiGcheers
Thanks for the feedback on the format, do you think anything may be missing anything?
So all week I've HAD to drive an automatic because it was a rental while our clutch got replaced. I looked at my husband and curled my bottom lip and pouted. I was demoted to automatic. Now in the city, it was kinda nice. But in the backroads out here, you need a manual beast. I think everyone should HAVE to learn standard in order to take their test and pass. If they pass you get your licence go buy what you want. But that's just my wish for the world to make more careful drivers out there. Plus, you could say, when I get behind the wheel, I feel normal again, no impairment at all, in fact it brings peace and welcome distraction to my brain. LOVE IT! Nothing like operating machinery, more power...lol. Could we possibly be control freaks too...lol.
Thank you for looking after me, my husband sends his best!
"I saw a bicycle chain...chain saw!"
- Thread starter
- #123
Plant & Personal Growth Information – Sunday June 12, 2016
Week: 15
Days: Learning to count days on the calendar – to be achieved
Type: Afghan Kush
Name: Doris on the left - Romona on the right
Technique: Window/Greenhouse/T5’s/FIM
Growth Comments: Doris is growing much faster on the left and has way more purple buds than Romona on the right hand side. I have bent over some tall stalks in order to get some light to those buds underneath. A few days later the horizontal buds are now growing upright. So that is making me happy. I need meds like stat, so I’m secretly praying these plants will hurry. But they don’t have enough light to get excited about yields I have only seen on the 420 forum. That should change once I receive a proper light. One more thing, these ladies are requiring feeds almost once a day since Tuesday, I guess it helps to use the bloom. Note to self, use the bloom when I go 12/12.
Brain injury Behaviour: I’m not happy to report that I had 5 panic attacks this week. One, my car broke down losing function of the clutch while driving. Two, when they called and told me how much it was to replace my clutch and I can’t even hold down a job right now. Three, just found out our landlord is selling his apartment and we have to move by July 15. Four, I feel homeless. Five, I feel guilty for not being able to help move as much as I do because of the brain injury. I’m only 9 months in my recovery, too fresh to handle stress like I used to. I feel terrible guilt because I’m not holding up my part of the team effort. But, there is so much good in the future, my husband doesn’t blame me AT ALL and I am making friends that want to help me. I am making remarkable progress in learning how to remember things. Again, everyone has tough stuff, my life is no different from others. It’s just so much easier to handle life when I am happy overall in my life. I had a great hair day yesterday and my husband and I are more in love each day. That is the only way we could survive this united.
Brain/Grow Rehabilitation Behaviour: I spent the majority of my down time sitting near my plants and it brought such great comfort. To putt around the garden is to become whole again. I did mix wrong nutrients twice this week, but there doesn’t appear to be damage. I am thinking more and more that growing will be my next career of choice. Maybe I can work in the green industry and just focus on my healing and not lie to people about my health. Hiding my truth makes me feel fake inside, but when I do share, some people surprised me with their love immediately. My whole life I have always mentored youth, now I feel like I’m being mentored by YOU…lol. You get what you give in life.
What am I grateful for? I am grateful for the supportive circle of friends here on 420 that celebrate my progress.
Quote of the week: “Know when to fold them, know when to walk away”
Week: 15
Days: Learning to count days on the calendar – to be achieved
Type: Afghan Kush
Name: Doris on the left - Romona on the right
Technique: Window/Greenhouse/T5’s/FIM
Growth Comments: Doris is growing much faster on the left and has way more purple buds than Romona on the right hand side. I have bent over some tall stalks in order to get some light to those buds underneath. A few days later the horizontal buds are now growing upright. So that is making me happy. I need meds like stat, so I’m secretly praying these plants will hurry. But they don’t have enough light to get excited about yields I have only seen on the 420 forum. That should change once I receive a proper light. One more thing, these ladies are requiring feeds almost once a day since Tuesday, I guess it helps to use the bloom. Note to self, use the bloom when I go 12/12.
Brain injury Behaviour: I’m not happy to report that I had 5 panic attacks this week. One, my car broke down losing function of the clutch while driving. Two, when they called and told me how much it was to replace my clutch and I can’t even hold down a job right now. Three, just found out our landlord is selling his apartment and we have to move by July 15. Four, I feel homeless. Five, I feel guilty for not being able to help move as much as I do because of the brain injury. I’m only 9 months in my recovery, too fresh to handle stress like I used to. I feel terrible guilt because I’m not holding up my part of the team effort. But, there is so much good in the future, my husband doesn’t blame me AT ALL and I am making friends that want to help me. I am making remarkable progress in learning how to remember things. Again, everyone has tough stuff, my life is no different from others. It’s just so much easier to handle life when I am happy overall in my life. I had a great hair day yesterday and my husband and I are more in love each day. That is the only way we could survive this united.
Brain/Grow Rehabilitation Behaviour: I spent the majority of my down time sitting near my plants and it brought such great comfort. To putt around the garden is to become whole again. I did mix wrong nutrients twice this week, but there doesn’t appear to be damage. I am thinking more and more that growing will be my next career of choice. Maybe I can work in the green industry and just focus on my healing and not lie to people about my health. Hiding my truth makes me feel fake inside, but when I do share, some people surprised me with their love immediately. My whole life I have always mentored youth, now I feel like I’m being mentored by YOU…lol. You get what you give in life.
What am I grateful for? I am grateful for the supportive circle of friends here on 420 that celebrate my progress.
Quote of the week: “Know when to fold them, know when to walk away”
- Thread starter
- #124
Plant & Personal Growth Information – Sunday June 12, 2016
Week: 4
Days: Learning to count days on the calendar – to be achieved
Type: Afghan Kush CLONE
Name: Clonepatra
Technique: Window/Greenhouse/T5’s/FIM
Growth Comments: Clonepatra is coming along in her 4th week. She still is pretty frail but I’m nursing her and she is starting to grow again with regular feedings once a week. She needs more light plain and simple. But I’m still happy that she’s alive and proving to me that I’m capable of learning new techniques.
Brain injury Behaviour: Okay so now when I make tea, I put the sugar in the hot water, stir it, then put the tea bag in, stir it, leave the teabag in and forget to pour the milk required. So I give it to my husband and instead of telling me I did it wrong, he says in his best, Buster from Arrested Development show, imitation voice. “MMM and it’s got a smack of ham taste to the water…” We both laugh out loud and move on. So funny!
Brain/Grow Rehabilitation Behaviour: Cloning could save me oodles in money and keep me stalked up with meds. Learning new techniques expands my knowledge and forces me to think first!
What am I grateful for? I am grateful for the incredible laughter that has poured from my heart this week.
Quote of the week: “Laughter is the best medicine”
Week: 4
Days: Learning to count days on the calendar – to be achieved
Type: Afghan Kush CLONE
Name: Clonepatra
Technique: Window/Greenhouse/T5’s/FIM
Growth Comments: Clonepatra is coming along in her 4th week. She still is pretty frail but I’m nursing her and she is starting to grow again with regular feedings once a week. She needs more light plain and simple. But I’m still happy that she’s alive and proving to me that I’m capable of learning new techniques.
Brain injury Behaviour: Okay so now when I make tea, I put the sugar in the hot water, stir it, then put the tea bag in, stir it, leave the teabag in and forget to pour the milk required. So I give it to my husband and instead of telling me I did it wrong, he says in his best, Buster from Arrested Development show, imitation voice. “MMM and it’s got a smack of ham taste to the water…” We both laugh out loud and move on. So funny!
Brain/Grow Rehabilitation Behaviour: Cloning could save me oodles in money and keep me stalked up with meds. Learning new techniques expands my knowledge and forces me to think first!
What am I grateful for? I am grateful for the incredible laughter that has poured from my heart this week.
Quote of the week: “Laughter is the best medicine”
G2HM,
Sorry, I've been so very busy, but very glad to have today and the time to catch up on your brain injury progress,and your grow journal. I sure hope you get your LED lights soon, they make one part of growing easier in my humble opinion. Again, I'm not a Dr and can only share my experiences with my brain injury, please don't consider what I share as direct medical advice. I must say you are EXTREMELY blessed to have a great husband by your side. Although we are strangers, what you have shared about him tells me he loves you unconditionally and is helping you immensely. He deserves a big hug and kiss everyday, several times a day. My wife was a rock during my recovery, I'd walk over molten lava for her now, I owe my level of recovery to her daily support and help.
There were a couple of things that helped me deal with human interactions , and many things that made it worse. Random negative life events (things breaking with little resources to fix or replace, weather trashing possessions, etc.) caused me the react in strange and fearful manners. My "old" ways of mentally saying "F*** IT" were not there anymore, the most random things were stressful, and I didn't care about things I should have been more focused upon.
One thing that helped me was talking to myself in the mirror. Sounds strange perhaps, but it really helped me recover the ability to desire eye contact with humans. I spent several months practicing a couple of hours a day, and it eventually really did help me socially return.
Another thing that helped me deal with groups and social situations was making new friends. It sounds counter productive to the social anxiety problem right? It is just that, forced interaction. But since they couldn't know my "before and after", I eventually felt less judged. That was very hard to accomplish, I wanted my wife to speak most of the time.
Yet another thing that really helped me reduce the recovery time was evaluating all the Rx medications every Dr wanted me to take, and every Dr had plenty of different drugs that were "essential" for recovery. A really tough choice when the decision center is the problem being treated! Often, drugs can hinder or mask brain function recovery. Docs in general were trying to help, but the brain is probably the most complex life mechanism on earth.
Keep your chin up, keep your attitude as high as you can, your brain chemistry and electrical connections are all being rerouted and relearned. Be patient with yourself and laugh as much as you can! Now go hug that awesome husband!
Best of Buds
JB
Sorry, I've been so very busy, but very glad to have today and the time to catch up on your brain injury progress,and your grow journal. I sure hope you get your LED lights soon, they make one part of growing easier in my humble opinion. Again, I'm not a Dr and can only share my experiences with my brain injury, please don't consider what I share as direct medical advice. I must say you are EXTREMELY blessed to have a great husband by your side. Although we are strangers, what you have shared about him tells me he loves you unconditionally and is helping you immensely. He deserves a big hug and kiss everyday, several times a day. My wife was a rock during my recovery, I'd walk over molten lava for her now, I owe my level of recovery to her daily support and help.
There were a couple of things that helped me deal with human interactions , and many things that made it worse. Random negative life events (things breaking with little resources to fix or replace, weather trashing possessions, etc.) caused me the react in strange and fearful manners. My "old" ways of mentally saying "F*** IT" were not there anymore, the most random things were stressful, and I didn't care about things I should have been more focused upon.
One thing that helped me was talking to myself in the mirror. Sounds strange perhaps, but it really helped me recover the ability to desire eye contact with humans. I spent several months practicing a couple of hours a day, and it eventually really did help me socially return.
Another thing that helped me deal with groups and social situations was making new friends. It sounds counter productive to the social anxiety problem right? It is just that, forced interaction. But since they couldn't know my "before and after", I eventually felt less judged. That was very hard to accomplish, I wanted my wife to speak most of the time.
Yet another thing that really helped me reduce the recovery time was evaluating all the Rx medications every Dr wanted me to take, and every Dr had plenty of different drugs that were "essential" for recovery. A really tough choice when the decision center is the problem being treated! Often, drugs can hinder or mask brain function recovery. Docs in general were trying to help, but the brain is probably the most complex life mechanism on earth.
Keep your chin up, keep your attitude as high as you can, your brain chemistry and electrical connections are all being rerouted and relearned. Be patient with yourself and laugh as much as you can! Now go hug that awesome husband!
Best of Buds
JB
- Thread starter
- #126
That's okay I know you're busy, but am I ever happy that you came by. Your words resonate with me. I ran into my husbands arms and gave him a big hug and kiss, as per request. Hey I will try anything to help socialize myself again. The mirror is definitely a challenge, it scares me because I only see what's broken, but I guess that's why I should do this, time will heal my wounds. I have to remember that my emotions are driven by the damage, not authentic emotions is the only way I can describe. I will keep my chin up and try to go easier on myself. Thank you for the reminder, I don't praise myself often. I think when the lights arrive and I have my first complete harvest, my confidence will rise. Until then, I remain humble and happy that my garden is fulfilling me. Please feel free to give advice, I'm open to people's opinions and life experiences. Your friendship is invaluable, have a great week!
Pat999
New Member
https://cdn.smosh.com/sites/default/files/2014/12/patrick-star-quote-friendship.jpg
I guess we could all do with some support once in a while, it might not appear to mean much to some but others find it invaluable and really needs it. I really hope your problems get sorted out and you feel much better. Remember, when in doubt, pinky out
PVC man
I guess we could all do with some support once in a while, it might not appear to mean much to some but others find it invaluable and really needs it. I really hope your problems get sorted out and you feel much better. Remember, when in doubt, pinky out
PVC man
- Thread starter
- #128
Yaaay it's PVC Man! Thanks for dropping by!
Pat999
New Member
Yaaay it's PVC Man! Thanks for dropping by!
No problem grow
Will be cheering for your plants, they are looking great though. Not too long now- Thread starter
- #130
Plant & Personal Growth Information – Monday Jun 13, 2016
Week: 8 Veg
Days: Not able to count calendar days yet - to be achieved
Type: Purple Kush & CB Dream
Name: Kara & Kris
Technique: FIM/Scrog/LST
Growth Comments: I think I’m really digging the scrog technique on my PK but then I look to the right and I see my CBD take on such a pretty shape considering I am missing a main branch. I will have to see which one yields more because so far I see pros and cons for both techniques. They only took one feeding this week and have been less maintenance than all my other plants. I think what is so interesting, is that I am learning about growing from everyone’s journals, whereas before I used to force myself to watch videos and look up terms. I am also learning from others mistakes which gives me the coles notes of do’s and don’ts and that is imperative. We are moving so my husband just said I could have the walk in closet as my grow room…woohoo! YES! I hope to impress all my 420 friends by emulating their success despite my constant errors in the process.
Brain injury Behaviour: I find that I am captivated by growing; yet ask me to read 3 sentences from a book and that would give me a pouty face. I am noticing such drastic changes in my personality. Last night we were packing and I’m letting go of material things like I have never before. I look at some things I’ve saved my entire life and I ask myself why? It feels like I am transitioning into my new life and leaving so much behind for good reasons. I’m already donated 50% of my wardrobe to the women’s shelter down the road. There is no more need to hang on to the past when I need to make room for my future through rehabilitation. Is this the new me?
Brain/Grow Rehabilitation Behaviour: The big lesson I was trying to teach myself was to STOP over-touching the plants. I am so impulsive in trying to fix things that often I have had to leave my grow room to separate my picky fingers. So in the last week, I touched my plants once a day despite sitting next to them for hours upon hours. It’s great to know that I can see improvement in my focus and setting boundaries to follow. I can see love in my plants, will I see love in my new self?
What am I grateful for? I am grateful that I followed my instinct to grow so early in my brain injury recovery.
Quote of the week: “Letting go makes room to receive”
Week: 8 Veg
Days: Not able to count calendar days yet - to be achieved
Type: Purple Kush & CB Dream
Name: Kara & Kris
Technique: FIM/Scrog/LST
Growth Comments: I think I’m really digging the scrog technique on my PK but then I look to the right and I see my CBD take on such a pretty shape considering I am missing a main branch. I will have to see which one yields more because so far I see pros and cons for both techniques. They only took one feeding this week and have been less maintenance than all my other plants. I think what is so interesting, is that I am learning about growing from everyone’s journals, whereas before I used to force myself to watch videos and look up terms. I am also learning from others mistakes which gives me the coles notes of do’s and don’ts and that is imperative. We are moving so my husband just said I could have the walk in closet as my grow room…woohoo! YES! I hope to impress all my 420 friends by emulating their success despite my constant errors in the process.
Brain injury Behaviour: I find that I am captivated by growing; yet ask me to read 3 sentences from a book and that would give me a pouty face. I am noticing such drastic changes in my personality. Last night we were packing and I’m letting go of material things like I have never before. I look at some things I’ve saved my entire life and I ask myself why? It feels like I am transitioning into my new life and leaving so much behind for good reasons. I’m already donated 50% of my wardrobe to the women’s shelter down the road. There is no more need to hang on to the past when I need to make room for my future through rehabilitation. Is this the new me?
Brain/Grow Rehabilitation Behaviour: The big lesson I was trying to teach myself was to STOP over-touching the plants. I am so impulsive in trying to fix things that often I have had to leave my grow room to separate my picky fingers. So in the last week, I touched my plants once a day despite sitting next to them for hours upon hours. It’s great to know that I can see improvement in my focus and setting boundaries to follow. I can see love in my plants, will I see love in my new self?
What am I grateful for? I am grateful that I followed my instinct to grow so early in my brain injury recovery.
Quote of the week: “Letting go makes room to receive”
- Thread starter
- #131
Plant & Personal Growth Information — Saturday June 4, 2016 - Happy Healing!
Week: 5
(don't put my finger on the calendar and count days, use this formula 5x7days=35)
Days: 35 (I am now teaching myself how to count the days...I hope this is right)
Type: Purple Kush Fem & Northern Light Auto - CKS
Name: Valerie PK & Mary NLA
Technique: FIM
Growth Comments: I'm blown away by the speed of my northern lights auto is growing at. She has doubled her size in a week. I wonder if autos grow faster overall. She is in a sprint to grow into the sky and she is kickin' up dust for her cousin PK to muster through. I will definitely be eye-ballin' this race because I may need that kind of turnaround time to provide meds for myself. Both ladies have only received one feeding and seem to be overall healthy. I know the room is a bit cold so the leaves are shy and slightly wavy. It'll all work out when my donated light comes, they will get the proper direct T5 light from above when I move my other plants over to bloom. So yah, this grow feels like a race and I'm bettin' the NLA is gonna reach for the sky when she blooms. Very very exciting news!
Brain injury Behaviour: My family doctor wanted me to talk to a counsellor because of my panic attacks so I called one up that she referred me to. It turns out, the things I'm going through are normal and anyone who experiences crisis goes through it like me. I just have a brain injury that amplifies my responses. She gave me a clean bill of mental health and said to stay on the waiting list for language therapy. So how about that, my mental health is normal from a counselling pov. If that isn't good news to someone who has a brain injury, then I don't know what is. Lol.
Brain/Grow Rehabilitation Behaviour: I have been growing a year now and I have beat pre-cancer, my BP is coming down and my new friends have my back. I can honestly say, that my happiness and healthy have drastically improved since March 2016.
What am I grateful for? I am grateful there is hope for me. Never giving up.
Quote of the week: "Life is what you make of it and who you grow it with" Thank you for all the support my friends!
Week: 5
(don't put my finger on the calendar and count days, use this formula 5x7days=35)
Days: 35 (I am now teaching myself how to count the days...I hope this is right)
Type: Purple Kush Fem & Northern Light Auto - CKS
Name: Valerie PK & Mary NLA
Technique: FIM
Growth Comments: I'm blown away by the speed of my northern lights auto is growing at. She has doubled her size in a week. I wonder if autos grow faster overall. She is in a sprint to grow into the sky and she is kickin' up dust for her cousin PK to muster through. I will definitely be eye-ballin' this race because I may need that kind of turnaround time to provide meds for myself. Both ladies have only received one feeding and seem to be overall healthy. I know the room is a bit cold so the leaves are shy and slightly wavy. It'll all work out when my donated light comes, they will get the proper direct T5 light from above when I move my other plants over to bloom. So yah, this grow feels like a race and I'm bettin' the NLA is gonna reach for the sky when she blooms. Very very exciting news!
Brain injury Behaviour: My family doctor wanted me to talk to a counsellor because of my panic attacks so I called one up that she referred me to. It turns out, the things I'm going through are normal and anyone who experiences crisis goes through it like me. I just have a brain injury that amplifies my responses. She gave me a clean bill of mental health and said to stay on the waiting list for language therapy. So how about that, my mental health is normal from a counselling pov. If that isn't good news to someone who has a brain injury, then I don't know what is. Lol.
Brain/Grow Rehabilitation Behaviour: I have been growing a year now and I have beat pre-cancer, my BP is coming down and my new friends have my back. I can honestly say, that my happiness and healthy have drastically improved since March 2016.
What am I grateful for? I am grateful there is hope for me. Never giving up.
Quote of the week: "Life is what you make of it and who you grow it with" Thank you for all the support my friends!
Coloradokid19
Well-Known Member
Hey I'm here now lol.. I am curious as what you have to say about the fim technique? I wanted to try it and heard a lot of good things about it, but I've also heard negatives.. For example I've heard that when you fim, your colas won't be able to hold as much weight than if you topped them. Seems as though so far it's been a good thing for your little girl haha
Sent from my iPhone using 420 Magazine Mobile App
Sent from my iPhone using 420 Magazine Mobile App
- Thread starter
- #133
Your right but it does depend on the plant too. I just learned that when you top the stem it grows stronger. Definitely something I'm going to start doing when I get a bloom light. Every little bit counts.
Coloradokid19
Well-Known Member
Your right but it does depend on the plant too. I just learned that when you top the stem it grows stronger. Definitely something I'm going to start doing when I get a bloom light. Every little bit counts.
Hmm definitely something I'll have to consider trying then one day. Thanks for the advice.
Sent from my iPhone using 420 Magazine Mobile App
Growlow
Well-Known Member
Just making the round G2HM. I hope my message made it to you in time. It looks like you are taking to this growing thing like a duck to water 
I hope you are having a great day!
I hope you are having a great day!- Thread starter
- #136
Just making the round G2HM. I hope my message made it to you in time. It looks like you are taking to this growing thing like a duck to water
I feel like I have a new lease on life now that I'm growing. Thank you for checking up on me and for the compliment. It means so much to me.
- Thread starter
- #137
Tomorrow is the big MRI appointment, been waiting since Sept 25, 2015. This should be the tell all. Concerned and scared, but happy and eager. A huge step in finding out what damage has been done. It's the right direction, but it's hard to trust people I don't know. I had an allergic reaction last time, I pray, that I make it through this one with a different contrast dye. I will be in good hands and I have to be brave for my husband. If he see's me cry he will worry, and he's worried more than his fair share. Tomorrow, is going to change my life forever. No matter what, I have my garden to help me get through this. Live to Grow...Grow to Live. Courage my love... Big Sigh
Big Sigh
Wishing you the best, I hope everything goes in your favor, oh btw you have a wonderful garden.
Growlow
Well-Known Member
Just stopping through to send you lots of love and light and ope today went well
- Thread starter
- #140
Everything went well for the MRI, no contrast dye at all, the dr decided against it. Better safe then sorry. I hope this gives us facts and conclusions we have been waiting so long for. In the meantime, I am in bed resting cause my head feels swollen, lots of ice. Feeling pretty low at this point, but my garden is secretly growing so that makes me happy inside. Nice to have something balance the pain when it's beyond my control. Otherwise, thank you friends for supporting my healing efforts. Hugs to you!
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