SoilGirl's Organic In & Out Journal 2015

[grimmreefer]

I have a buddy that grew up in Florida, he would use that word.
That was the first time I heard it, 15 years later I feel like I have mostly broken him of his Ignorance.
SG hang in there life is like an ocean and sounds like you are in a trough right now. There is always a crest in the future.

 

[finest garden]

Very nice grows! I couldnt handle the small yields though.

 

[ColoradoGriz]

I hope all is well, we miss you SoilGirl!

 

[grimmreefer]

Came to return the hug
and the toke

 

[SoilGirl]

All of your support means the world to me, thanks so much everyone. You've lifted my heart, if only for a moment.

Unfortunately, things took a down turn again though.. That night I posted last was another rush-to-the-hospital night. Then when he got discharged 36 hrs later, right when we walked in our front door he started convulsing, and despite both my mom and I being there trying to hold him up he took another fall that hurt his knee. He didn't want to go back, so we got him up after the seizure and got him to bed, where he has a stash of liquor and pills. Of course he went hard on them and was soon back in the emergency room, (whenever he drinks, he's on pills, and its not long until a seizure) where he's being held on suspicion of being suicidal... I'm glad he's being held. But it won't be long before he's back.

He says - and this is after having been diagnosed with Chronic Alcohol Induced Dementia, Chronic Alcohol Dependency, and a litany of alcohol related problems by multiple doctors - that drinking doesn't hurt him and only helps him sleep. The thing is, he really believes it, he's that deluded. He's not trying to kill himself, he just is. So I declared war on his drinking and pills. I discovered a suitcase FULL of illegally imported xanax from some online pharmacy and trashed them in the dirt (poor dirt... I almost feel bad..), and dumped most of his alcohol and hid the rest... then he went nuclear. Threatened all my plants, (but was in no condition to follow through... I guess thats good...) told me to get out of his house if I wouldn't replace them - of course I won't - threatened to remove me from his will as if there's anything to give me, cursed me until he went hoarse, ... ok, all to be expected from someone that almost always bullied and intimidated when decency failed to get him what he wanted...

... but my mom actually supported his explosion at me. "you can't change people, you can't take away his stuff, you better replace it, this isn't your house how dare you, curse curse curse" - to which I responded, "not if you don't try, I already did, no way, its not yours either, how dare I try to save my dad's life? as if being a caring daughter is deplorable? At least I'm doing something besides sticking my face in a pillow and wishing it all were better, waiting for him to die. Curse curse curse" ... a nice few days. -.- My dad's at the hospital now with my mom. So I have some peace to myself here. Wonder what will happen when they get home..

I honestly still think my dad can be helped. But I need my mom on board to truly be effective. We're his pipeline to alcohol since he can't drive anymore, or walk any real distance. I call her an enabler for helping him get alcohol. She thinks I just want to ruin his final days by keeping him sober against his wishes, and take away the bit of freedom he has left.. I think we need to step in and become his self control since he's obviously in no control of himself.. Our doctors agree with me, but that means nothing to her.
I am so infuriated and frustrated and heartbroken by the whole thing. Because if we got him off the alcohol his memory would improve, his meds would be more effective, he might be more open to CBD treatments, he'd potentially live for years and get to enjoy them, but as its looking...the doc told me he could very well die within weeks or months if he keeps up the behavior. I can not and will not sit by and let that happen, even if he hates me for it and dies anyways at least I'll know I tried to truly help him out of this downward spiral. So tired of living like this though..nothing's easy.

I fucking hate alcohol. To think that it's pretty much an accepted - and celebrated - substance worldwide while a lifesaving plant like cannabis is still only in its baby steps toward worldwide acceptance, still mostly cultivated and distributed in the shadows away from unfriendly eyes... makes me sick. WTF?

anyways.. gonna update some time today. Sorry for the lapse. I tend to hyperfocus on things and I'm sure you understand I've had other things on my mind than the forum - and growing in general - lately. However things go here, I've not forgotten you all and I'm sure I'll be sharing my grows for years to come.. Hopefully in time there will be only good cannabis and joy to share.

 

[ColoradoGriz]

I could sit here and tell you it will all get better, but I would just be offering words of comfort with no validation of truth to them. I've been there and I still pay the price of it long after I left my family to get on with a better life. Just based on your words here and trying to sense the emotion in them, you seem to be a strong person. I hope you find that strength when times are toughest and needed most. I don't pray, but sending good energy your way.

 

[Robert Celt]

I feel for you Soilgirl. Just remember that what you are doing is for the best even if your parents don't see it that way. Tough Love. And if you succeed in your attempts, everybody will be the better for it and you may get to keep your father around longer and better

 

[SoilGirl]

Outdoor Update 9-4-15

We'll get to indoors later. I'm not too proud of the indoor situation right now >.< the outdoors have pampered my plants in my neglect. Until today all my plants got only clean water for about the last 2-3 weeks, today the outdoor ones got an ACT brewed with 2 cups vermicompost, 1 1/2 tsp BSM, a pinch of kelp, pinch of SPM, pinch of glacial and buildasoil craft rock dusts, and a 1/4 tsp of Eco. Labs PP Microbe Life (liquid inoculant)

Diesel (reveg mother) isn't too far off from chop, should be the first one this season. still about 3 weeks to go though, maybe 4.

Diesel Clones - the one in the airpot got quite an ant infestation, and I shouldn't have trained it. This strain will grow a cola as long as you let its nodes reach out, best to let it do its thing. Lesson learned.

Cheese - one of the most amazing smells out there.. Wowzer, so strong. I want to grow this again already.

Cheese Clone (the first one to root) - haha... gonna have some nice tomatoes in there with it soon.

Jamaican OG (mother) - not doing horribly, but I've noticed that there's some weirdness in the budding. Remember how OG Kush (PR) had a photoperiod issue after moving outside? Its the same here just milder, she tried to flower while days were getting longer, changed her mind for just long enough, then started flowering again. Those first flowers are turning brown and dying off underneath the new ones, which attracted mealybugs and their constant companions, ants. Ants actually protect and raise mealybugs as a food source - an interesting little tidbit of entomology for you, but a large pain in my ass. Ants have been awful this year. I've eradicated them successfully by filling up bins, then dunking and flooding my pots in them for a few mins, over the soil line. No ark for those bastards. -.- They're a tough pest to get rid of using organic methods.

Jamaican OG Clones - this first one is about as tall as her mom now, but without her mom's issues. Smells incredible already. The second one (that I tried to supercrop many times) will have the best colas of the two though, if perhaps a slightly smaller yield.

Ultrasour (bagseed) is just living it up. Trichomes are starting to show up, and the buds are looking like they'll be dense...and the smell is lovely, I definitely pick up on that MK Ultra somewhere. although this one waited a while to start putting out trichs, I'm sure it will be a contender for the best buds this grow. Early trich production doesn't always mean a superior smoke. Some strains wait til late in flower to really pack on the sugar.

White Widow has been a breeze. What an easy plant to grow.

White Widow Clone (the second to root of my recent clones) - flowering right away, and still quite alive and happy in that pot that killed my last WW. I taste redemption already.

Euphoria ... this one's actually in a third-run no-till - it grew my BBK flux from my last indoor journal first, then that RCB nug-on-a-stick early in this journal - doing well. I'm a bit disappointed though, its definitely a different pheno from last year's Euphoria...I wonder if I'll ever encounter that wonderful pheno again. This one seems to be more on the sativa side.

Fool's Gold - very healthy and starting to flower. Should finish up right at the end of the outdoor season. Got her outside just in time.

African Buzz is stunningly gorgeous, but refuses to flower -.- No way it will finish outside before its too freezing, I've got half a mind to bring her into my tent but I know better. Whatever, where there's a will there's a way. I might force flower it but with everything going on at home I'm not sure I'll be able to stick to a schedule... we'll see what happens.

OG Kush (PR) seems to be out of the trauma stage finally. So many things went wrong, pests, dogs, chickens, major photoperiod stress, rotted branches (not bud rot - it was inside the branch, and rotted from the inside out) that I've never had before, put up with my brutal supercropping and rough handling...but its putting out trichomes again and that amazing flowery turpentine smell is back, no more branches are dying off... I hope its stabilized enough to get some decent buds out of, if only to make hash. We'll see though.

That's all for today. Thanks for coming by!

 

[SoilGirl]

I could sit here and tell you it will all get better, but I would just be offering words of comfort with no validation of truth to them. I've been there and I still pay the price of it long after I left my family to get on with a better life. Just based on your words here and trying to sense the emotion in them, you seem to be a strong person. I hope you find that strength when times are toughest and needed most. I don't pray, but sending good energy your way.

I don't pray either Griz. Good energy is always appreciated though. Thank you for the words of solace, and I'm glad you found a better life. I'm sure in time things will be great for me, although at the moment it seems very far off. :\ I'll try to be strong though in the mean time.

I feel for you Soilgirl. Just remember that what you are doing is for the best even if your parents don't see it that way. Tough Love. And if you succeed in your attempts, everybody will be the better for it and you may get to keep your father around longer and better

Thank you TC I know what I'm doing is right for the family, and for my own conscience.. it just feels obnoxious to me how hard my parents are fighting it. When I go to other people's homes I am blown away by the normalcy .. I guess until the last couple years it never sunk in to me just how dysfunctional my family was. But with the realization comes the chance to improve.. I think.

 

[ColoradoGriz]

Great updates! It's your outdoor grows that make me anxious for next year!

Question about ants, are they damaging or just a pain? My backyard has a lot of that Colorado sand so I have ant hills a foot high over night. I surveyed the yard earlier this season to see where the light falls, where vegetation grows easy etc. Most of the soil I'm prepping is in an area plagued with ants. They were there before me so I'm not all about nuking them out so I would prefer barriers over killing but plant life means more than bug life to me.

 

[Radogast]

Your "That's all" is a helluva lot.

Despite everything, looking real good. You outdoor grow with the poise of someone who has been doing it for 20 years

 

[SweetSue]

Great updates! It's your outdoor grows that make me anxious for next year!

Question about ants, are they damaging or just a pain? My backyard has a lot of that Colorado sand so I have ant hills a foot high over night. I surveyed the yard earlier this season to see where the light falls, where vegetation grows easy etc. Most of the soil I'm prepping is in an area plagued with ants. They were there before me so I'm not all about nuking them out so I would prefer barriers over killing but plant life means more than bug life to me.

Ants are the true gardeners of our planet in the same way that worms are the true tillers. I've personally never understood the problem humans have with common ants. Ants are an extremely important piece to the ecology puzzle in a garden. Please, please, I beg of you, find a way to tolerate their industrious nature.

 

[SweetSue]

SoilGirl, I missed the start of this journal. I thought I'd lost you again and was afraid to go looking. Silly me. It does get better Baby. It's just that none of us can tell you when that will happen. All we can do is carry you through the rough spots, so stay with us, ok?

 

[bobrown14]

SG - All I can say about your garden is WOW and your gonna need help smoking that up. I have the program to help out in that regard.

It's 2 steps...

1) call me after harvest
2) refer to #1

I'm in for the test smokes! That should take a week or 2 easy.


RE:dad - he is an addict. He needs a lot of help from you and mom. That is the tough love.

You need to keep part of yourself for you to keep your sanity and also so that you are not him in 20 years. <--The risk you are taking now.

I've been there it's very tough, keep your hard line and try and show your dad his choices are going to kill him and MAYBE he will see the truth.

I want to hold you and hug you and tell you everything is going to be alright, and I'm doing that virtually right now but you need the strength to fight the good fight, that is inside you. Find it harvest it and use it for you, your mom and your dad. Keep looking for love even when things are ugly bad love is there, find it and be it.

 

[ColoradoGriz]

Great updates! It's your outdoor grows that make me anxious for next year!

Question about ants, are they damaging or just a pain? My backyard has a lot of that Colorado sand so I have ant hills a foot high over night. I surveyed the yard earlier this season to see where the light falls, where vegetation grows easy etc. Most of the soil I'm prepping is in an area plagued with ants. They were there before me so I'm not all about nuking them out so I would prefer barriers over killing but plant life means more than bug life to me.

Ants are the true gardeners of our planet in the same way that worms are the true tillers. I've personally never understood the problem humans have with common ants. Ants are an extremely important piece to the ecology puzzle in a garden. Please, please, I beg of you, find a way to tolerate their industrious nature.

I don't have a problem with them, I was inquiring if they were damaging. Like I said I would prefer barriers (I use all natural ones to keep them out of the house) over killing them. No need to beg.

 

[PeeJay]

SG, I miss you ever so badly... #concerned

 

[SoilGirl]

Hi everyone. Wish I had an update, or good news, I feel like such an idiot for not seeing this coming but uh no point putting this off any more... two weeks ago my dad lost it, killed all my plants, attacked my mom and I, went to jail but got out, I had to move out and am staying with my uncle. I'm ... devastated. but physically ok. Trying to pick up the pieces. I hope soon I'll be turning into that butterfly/blackhawk like you said Rado but right now ... I just don't see it happening. I'm going to take a break from the forum. I need some time to process things. Thanks everyone here for being such good people/friends. Grow and enjoy some amazing greens while I'm gone, hopefully soon I'll be able to share another garden, but in the current situation that's not possible. All my love to you all.

 

[PeeJay]

Holler if there is anything I can do to help. Stay strong.

 

[Pigeons420]

We love you girl! Take care of yourself!

 

[grimmreefer]

SG things will take a turn for the better. Life sucks sometimes and all that we can do is sit back and let it happen and hope we will be out a better person on the other side.

Much love sent your way from MA.