Trala’s Tent

[Trala]

Omg I've had the WORST nightshift.

Problem 1: I am working with 2 of the most annoying humans ever!

Problem 2: I have had to give 1:1 care to a withdrawing alcoholic who is hallucinating and is refusing to keep clothes on, and she has literally only just this moment gone to sleep! It's 0600!

One hour to go!!!!

 

[StoneOtter]

 

[Nine Toed Hippie]

Thank you so much!

I will definitely organise a money transfer to you!

Pardon my southern “drawl” but y’all hiring?

NTH

 

[Trala]

Omg I’ve had the most bipolar bear kind of day! It’s had everything! Anger, self loathing, plant dysmorphia, murder, sobbing and I hadn’t even got to fucking 8.30am.

Short story : I trimmed Mimmy.

Long story: looking after that alcoholic last night had me triggered as fuck. She was, look still is I didn’t kill her or anything lol, close to my age, and she has three teenage children. She covered in bruises where she’s been fighting or falling or whatever. She’s an incoherent DT shaking mess. She shits herself, like they do, and I’m washing her in the shower and I’m transported back to 12 year old me, washing my mothers shit from her legs as she sobs in the shower chanting she wants to die, and this is so terrible but part of me wanted to punch this woman in the face, part of me wanted to cradle her and tell her to fight, if not for herself for her kids, and then part of me just wanted to fuck myself up and let the system carry me, wash me, take care of me! Look I’m being Tramatic, but the injustice of it all, that of 13 patients the one person who could actively take control of her disease chooses not to, meanwhile Bed 13 is battling febrile neutropenia because her chemo has to almost kill her to work, and Bed 9 has just discovered he has a brain lesion, could be malignant could be benign, but either way big fucking news and he needed his hand held, but we can’t give him time because my fucking drunk DT ridden Mum in Bed 4 has once again removed her hospital gown and is trying to tear out her IV line and I’m just too tired for this emotionally raping shit!

Because of that patients choices, three nurses went without breaks because we were understaffed and someone had to be with drunky McPoo Poo because she was hallucinating, delirious and kept trying to climb out of bed. 12 other patients went without appropriate time and management because of the constant administering of Oxazapam (we couldn’t give the usual Valium coz her liver is so fucking shot) and Benzo’s are a two nurse drug check, coz we need to try and manage her withdrawal or she will seize. So one (me) is with the patient, the two other nurses are checking out drugs.

Kk so then I get home, I’m exhausted and starving but I want to get my plants outside. First thing I do is stand in dog shit, it was like a higher power saying go backkkkk. I of course ignore it, I get them lined up, I look at Mimmy and decide she’s dying. Despite all my love, my effort, my commitment, she chooses to drink herself to death.

Logical me: Tra just wait, it’s ok, go for a walk, have a shower, eat something, rest for a couple of hours, get forum feedback.

Illogical me: yeah nah.

So now I’m talking to Mimmy like a crazy person. “You wanna die?” “Okay, let’s do this”. I suddenly have secatures sacatures secaters sharp cutting thingys in my hand and I’m murdering Mimmy. I’m just so mad inside. So so SO mad! Madder than I’ve been in YEARS! That patient isn’t just fucking herself. She’s fucking her kids. It takes decades to undo that damage, some never do. To reconcile the horror, the injustice that I had to live that, while others get so much fucking love. So much fucking safety. Fuck you Bed 4! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU MUM! FUCK YOU MIMMY! My bf is at work so he can’t corral me, I’m beyond controlling myself, my dogs are looking up at me like I’m nuts, which I prolly am, and I fucking shred Mimmy. I’m still in my hospital scrubs, I’ve now got branches everywhere, in horror I look, I look at what I’ve done, so now I’m crying thinking why did I do that?

I’m ok now. I left Mimmy broken and laying everywhere. I stripped and sat in the shower and sobbed until every last speck of last night drained out of me and down the drain pipe where it belongs. I ate fruit and yogurt, I went to bed and slept soundly for 2 hours.

I woke up at 11am feeling semi normal. I’ve since collected the branches, that were literally all over my backyard, and trimmed and washed them. They almost drip dried on my line but aren’t dry enough to bag. I’m back at work tomorrow. I’ll get up extra early and bag and tag. I’ve got them drying on a clothes horse in the man cave coz it’s too humid in the flower tent. Hopefully I can salvage a bit of smoke.

I’m such a fucking moron sometimes. I hate it when I make life harder than it needs to be. I am now being particularly nice to me. I am trying to forgive myself for killing Mimmy (omg who does that btw?!) I have just put clean sheets on my bed, and bought myself a pair of shoes online that I’ve been admiring for 6 months. And I have made a nice chicken and cashew stir fry for dinner, I just need to reheat it. I was going to have a glass of wine and a scoob, but I just don’t trust myself, so iced lemon tea it is.

Anyway enough of the drama, let’s get on with the picture show

Warning: The Mimmy one will make you pearl clutch and lol at the same time!

 

[Dohc007]

Big breath's model T!
That's one fucking hectic day!
I'm glad you made it home and only hurt a plant.

 

[Trala]

I’ve lost so much confidence. I really thought I was going to make this plant sing. I think it is in my Top 3 worst ever plants. I can’t think about it anymore tonight coz I’m just too tired and too irrational to deal. I just feel so sad again.

Mimmy Bee aka Mimosa EVO
Barney’s Seed
Days in Veg 68
12 9 Days before flower
Days in Flower 41 then killed by her crazed owner

Merrie Bee aka Peyote Critical
Monstercropped Clone
Days in Veg 61
12:12 Day 9 Days before flower
Days in Flower 16

Tee Bee aka Tangerine Dream
Monstercropped Clone
Days in Veg 78
12:12 Day 7 before flower
Days in flower 1 - I think anyway

Bubbles Bee aka Mimosa Eva
Regular Clone
Days in Veg 48

MC Bee aka Mimosa Eva
Regular Clone
Days in Veg 48

The Familam - Floramingo totes heard the camera lolllll

Bed Time

 

[Dohc007]

Mimmy means piss (uriene) in moari.
Didn't want to mention it earlier but .
Thought you'd like the humour.
Hope you sleep well tonight.
Sleep is a great thing when it works.

 

[stinker]

Take care of yourself. One of my favorites is clean sheets. You did good.

I have just put clean sheets on my bed,

 

[DV8]

Its ok chick. Your allowed a mental day. Youll be back to your amazing self soon enough. The good people here will rally around when you bounce back to continue the journey.

Hope you feel better tomorrow.

 

[StoneOtter]

What a day to live through! And you did! We all have our triggers Tra. It's good to know them I'm afraid. Appreciate you showing us how one can get through something like that!

 

[cjsbabygirl313]

Wow T … that was a total day from hell, so sorry you had to go through that. But ya know, its days like THOSE that make others look not so bad

 

[HashGirl]

Omg I’ve had the most bipolar bear kind of day! It’s had everything! Anger, self loathing, plant dysmorphia, murder, sobbing and I hadn’t even got to fucking 8.30am.

Short story : I trimmed Mimmy.

Long story: looking after that alcoholic last night had me triggered as fuck. She was, look still is I didn’t kill her or anything lol, close to my age, and she has three teenage children. She covered in bruises where she’s been fighting or falling or whatever. She’s an incoherent DT shaking mess. She shits herself, like they do, and I’m washing her in the shower and I’m transported back to 12 year old me, washing my mothers shit from her legs as she sobs in the shower chanting she wants to die, and this is so terrible but part of me wanted to punch this woman in the face, part of me wanted to cradle her and tell her to fight, if not for herself for her kids, and then part of me just wanted to fuck myself up and let the system carry me, wash me, take care of me! Look I’m being Tramatic, but the injustice of it all, that of 13 patients the one person who could actively take control of her disease chooses not to, meanwhile Bed 13 is battling febrile neutropenia because her chemo has to almost kill her to work, and Bed 9 has just discovered he has a brain lesion, could be malignant could be benign, but either way big fucking news and he needed his hand held, but we can’t give him time because my fucking drunk DT ridden Mum in Bed 4 has once again removed her hospital gown and is trying to tear out her IV line and I’m just too tired for this emotionally raping shit!

Because of that patients choices, three nurses went without breaks because we were understaffed and someone had to be with drunky McPoo Poo because she was hallucinating, delirious and kept trying to climb out of bed. 12 other patients went without appropriate time and management because of the constant administering of Oxazapam (we couldn’t give the usual Valium coz her liver is so fucking shot) and Benzo’s are a two nurse drug check, coz we need to try and manage her withdrawal or she will seize. So one (me) is with the patient, the two other nurses are checking out drugs.

Kk so then I get home, I’m exhausted and starving but I want to get my plants outside. First thing I do is stand in dog shit, it was like a higher power saying go backkkkk. I of course ignore it, I get them lined up, I look at Mimmy and decide she’s dying. Despite all my love, my effort, my commitment, she chooses to drink herself to death.

Logical me: Tra just wait, it’s ok, go for a walk, have a shower, eat something, rest for a couple of hours, get forum feedback.

Illogical me: yeah nah.

So now I’m talking to Mimmy like a crazy person. “You wanna die?” “Okay, let’s do this”. I suddenly have secatures sacatures secaters sharp cutting thingys in my hand and I’m murdering Mimmy. I’m just so mad inside. So so SO mad! Madder than I’ve been in YEARS! That patient isn’t just fucking herself. She’s fucking her kids. It takes decades to undo that damage, some never do. To reconcile the horror, the injustice that I had to live that, while others get so much fucking love. So much fucking safety. Fuck you Bed 4! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU MUM! FUCK YOU MIMMY! My bf is at work so he can’t corral me, I’m beyond controlling myself, my dogs are looking up at me like I’m nuts, which I prolly am, and I fucking shred Mimmy. I’m still in my hospital scrubs, I’ve now got branches everywhere, in horror I look, I look at what I’ve done, so now I’m crying thinking why did I do that?

I’m ok now. I left Mimmy broken and laying everywhere. I stripped and sat in the shower and sobbed until every last speck of last night drained out of me and down the drain pipe where it belongs. I ate fruit and yogurt, I went to bed and slept soundly for 2 hours.

I woke up at 11am feeling semi normal. I’ve since collected the branches, that were literally all over my backyard, and trimmed and washed them. They almost drip dried on my line but aren’t dry enough to bag. I’m back at work tomorrow. I’ll get up extra early and bag and tag. I’ve got them drying on a clothes horse in the man cave coz it’s too humid in the flower tent. Hopefully I can salvage a bit of smoke.

I’m such a fucking moron sometimes. I hate it when I make life harder than it needs to be. I am now being particularly nice to me. I am trying to forgive myself for killing Mimmy (omg who does that btw?!) I have just put clean sheets on my bed, and bought myself a pair of shoes online that I’ve been admiring for 6 months. And I have made a nice chicken and cashew stir fry for dinner, I just need to reheat it. I was going to have a glass of wine and a scoob, but I just don’t trust myself, so iced lemon tea it is.

Anyway enough of the drama, let’s get on with the picture show

Warning: The Mimmy one will make you pearl clutch and lol at the same time!

I’ve lost so much confidence. I really thought I was going to make this plant sing. I think it is in my Top 3 worst ever plants. I can’t think about it anymore tonight coz I’m just too tired and too irrational to deal. I just feel so sad again.

Mimmy Bee aka Mimosa EVO
Barney’s Seed
Days in Veg 68
12 9 Days before flower
Days in Flower 41 then killed by her crazed owner

I'm sorry for your loss. However, I think you should look on the bright side. Mimmy Bee was already "ugly" due to the arm you had to chop off and the nit damage so maybe "killing" her early was a blessing? Maybe it was an act of mercy. It was euthanasia.

Mimmy Bee. I hope you're free from blemish and fully lush now.

 

[HappyHazmat88]

Everyone looks so good...even tho you say not lol and I love the video, I don't think Ive heard the F word used so much in a video to give tips fucking love your content.

 

[BakedARea]

What up T! Craaaaaappppy day indeed. Yuck. Hope today is better. Wait...is today for me like tonight for you? Maybe its tomorrow for you during my today?
Maybe I need to be admitted into a medical facility too...

 

[dynamo1]

much love

 

[Trala]

Big breath's model T!
That's one fucking hectic day!
I'm glad you made it home and only hurt a plant.

Good morning

Omg I’m such a Tramatic douche sometimes lollll

Thank you Doh a deer, a female deer Xo

Take care of yourself. One of my favorites is clean sheets. You did good.

I all good stinky la rue.

It was but a moment.

From an early age I learned making your bed after you wake in the morning is the first nice thing you can do for yourself each day. Adding clean sheets is like giving yourself a hug.

Its ok chick. Your allowed a mental day. Youll be back to your amazing self soon enough. The good people here will rally around when you bounce back to continue the journey.

Hope you feel better tomorrow.

I cut full fucking sick bruv lolllllingggg

I feel brand new tbh. I had 10 hours good dreamless sleep.

What a day to live through! And you did! We all have our triggers Tra. It's good to know them I'm afraid. Appreciate you showing us how one can get through something like that!

Look it wasn’t even that bad. It’s just with the added sleep deprivation. It makes me cray.

I usually get home and put on my joggers and walk for 45 mins. It kind of resets me. I get rid of the nightshift stress, find myself appreciating the day, sunshine, birdsong, flowers etc. I won’t make that mistake again LOLLL

Wow T … that was a total day from hell, so sorry you had to go through that. But ya know, its days like THOSE that make others look not so bad

Very true.

I was just being a dramatic douche tbh.

I made a situation that wasn’t about me all about me.

I'm sorry for your loss. However, I think you should look on the bright side. Mimmy Bee was already "ugly" due to the arm you had to chop off and the nit damage so maybe "killing" her early was a blessing? Maybe it was an act of mercy. It was euthanasia.

Mimmy Bee. I hope you're free from blemish and fully lush now.

Thanks Daisy.

Sends a strong message to the other plants too.

You fuck with me I’ll cut you.

Everyone looks so good...even tho you say not lol and I love the video, I don't think Ive heard the F word used so much in a video to give tips fucking love your content.

Hi there

Welcome to The Bipolar Grow

I laugh, I cry, i love, I hate, all in the time it takes you to type a reply.

What up T! Craaaaaappppy day indeed. Yuck. Hope today is better. Wait...is today for me like tonight for you? Maybe its tomorrow for you during my today?
Maybe I need to be admitted into a medical facility too...

Omg they would have straight jacketed me yesterday.

I’m such a loon sometimes!

much love

Thank you dynamo

I see you lurking and liking. Sorry I’m such an ugggh cringy oversharer at times.

I always forget to stop into your journal. I’ll come see you after I finish work.

 

[Trala]

I have awoken semi normal and smiling

Bounced out of bed and got operation sort on.

Lights will have just gone one in the flower room so I’m off to bag and tag.

I sorted it into tiny vs larger buds coz they will dry differently.

 

[DeeBoy]

Good morning T to the B! Hope your day is schmick as!

 

[Trala]

Good morning T to the B! Hope your day is schmick as!

D to da B to da B to da T!

Greetings like that how can it be anything but?!

I’m on with my absolute favourites!

 

[Trala]

Right team

I’m off to slay this motherfucking day!

Sing with me!

“Here comes the sun! Here comes the sun and I say it’s alright..”

Thanks for everything Xo